well, it's another christmas day, my 21st if you count them back to 1980. it's weird to think how much this holiday has changed for me. i still remember going to bed listening for the sounds of santa's reindeer on my aunt's roof, or driving around my grandma's neighborhood looking for decorations to marvel over. i miss those days and their simplicity. i miss buying gifts for my mom and dad at my elementary school's christmas shop, when i would have to hide my gifts in my backpack despite their being courteously wrapped by a classmate's mom. i miss the family dinners with my cousins and grandparents. we ate christmas eve dinner last night while watching the new haven news. right now i'm watching jerry springer on television. i don't have enough money to buy extravagant gifts for my family and friends, but i feel guilty about making all of mine by hand. all of the local radio stations are playing 48-hours of christmas music while the newscasters extend warmest greetings for a "safe holiday season for you and yours..." but i just want to hear regular music. i don't want to think of the families who are sitting around their dinner tables in groups of fourteen, jovially enjoying their festivities. when our turkey dinner is over, there will be nothing to do but write thank-you notes. when did christmas change? did it do so simply because we attach no religious meaning to it? do i view it so negatively because for me it represents little more than capitalism at its heights?
it's not to say i don't enjoy christmas--my parents and i enjoyed opening our gifts and watching the cat snoop through the discarded wrapping paper. my relatives sent me lots of lovely gifts--sweaters for england, scarves, money, an umbrella, french guides, guides to london, books, and other trinkets--and i am happy with both the gifts received and given. i'm looking forward to using many in england (or at least in the preparations for london!), which, speaking of it, i still have lots of packing ahead of me before next week. it's still so incredibly hard to fathom that i will be going over there for six months! but i love looking through my books on the british countryside and using guides to england (even though my sleepiness is making any concept of learning hard right now)--what a great opportunity and voyage i have in front of me! sometimes i wish, however, that i didn't have the christmas holiday to face first, when everybody i know is more festive than my own little world.
ah well...on to packing now...and a nap. :) some parts of christmas vacation aren't all bad. |
