30 Things to do when Driving
- Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
- Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.
- Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
- Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
- Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
- Stop at the green lights.
- Go at the red ones.
- Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
- Eat food that requires silverware.
- Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
- Honk frequently without motivation.
- Let pedestrians know who's boss.
- Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
- Restart your car at every stop light.
- Keep at least five cats in the car.
- Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
- Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
- Stop and collect roadkill.
- Stop and pray for roadkill.
- Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)
- Throw Spam. Tape signs on windows protesting email abuse.
- Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow... down... to... a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
- Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit. 3
- Sing without having the radio on.
- At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off...
- Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for fire trucks.
- While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.
- Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
- Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
- Two words: Chicken suit.
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