1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.
3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
4. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
5. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
6. Stop at the green lights.
7. Go at the red ones.
8. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
9. Eat food that requires silverware.
10. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
11. Honk frequently without motivation.
12. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
13. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
14. Restart your car at every stop light.
15. Keep at least five cats in the car.
16. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
17. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
18. Stop and collect roadkill.
19. Stop and pray for roadkill.
20. Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)
21. Throw Spam. Tape signs on windows protesting email abuse.
22. Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow... down... to... a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
23. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit. 3
24. Sing without having the radio on.
25. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off...
26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for fire trucks.
27. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.
28. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
29. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
30. Two words: Chicken suit.

Back