These are blonde jokes, but please don't be offended by them!! Like I said, these are for entertainment and don't take these seriously!!! (Jokes by JokesJester.com)
1. A young Blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices. "I'll just catch my own alligator," she told one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of shoes for free." She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp. Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in. She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up. "Oh, no!" the blonde shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
2. Al was helping Samantha, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit." Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Samantha what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Al said, "I can see that, but why?" Samantha replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
3. One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. 'It's supposed to be a tiger!' Sally cried. 'Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
4. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
5. Why did the blond get fired from her job at the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
6. A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her that the cost would be $300, she exclaimed, "I don't have any money, but I would do just about anything to get a message to my mother!" The man arched an eyebrow, "Anything?" "Yes, anything," promised the blonde. With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and get down on your knees." She obliged and then he said, "Take down my zipper and take it out." She took it out, grabbed hold of it with both hands, and then paused. The man closed his eyes, and whispered, "Well... do your thing!" As the blonde slowly brought his member closer to her lips, she said tentatively, "Hello, Mom?"
7. Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would. About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."
8. A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
9. A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
10. A blonde dies her hair because she is tired of being called dumb. The next day, she meets a farmer with some sheep. "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" she asks. The farmer agrees. The blonde takes a quick glance, then says, "You have 158 sheep, mister." To the farmer's amazement, the woman is right, so he hands over one of the sheep. Then, as she walks away, the farmer asks, "If I can guess what color hair your hair really is, can I have my sheep back?" The woman agrees. "You're a blonde... now give me back my dog."
11. One day a neighbor of the blonde's go over to her house and sees the blonde crying and asked her what had happened and the blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and settled her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying again. The blonde replied with, "I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!"
12. A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that,"replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"
13. Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other. Trixie quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Patty coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Trixie," said Patty, "how'd you do?" "Not very good" came the reply. "I've been waiting here for hours". "You should have been with me...did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you...you can't lose! Every time You put a dollar in, you win four quarters!"
14. A postman had worked for 40 years on his route. He had always attacked his route with a smile and courtesy. Then retirement came around..... On his final day, the first house on his route gave him a fine gift basket. The second house gave him a box of imported Cuban cigars. The third house gave him a bottle of fine champagne. He was greeted at the fourth house by a sexy blonde in a skimpy negligee. She lead him gently upstairs by the hand where she proceeded to give him a couple of rounds of the best morning sex that he had ever had. Then she took him down to the kitchen and cooked him a breakfast of waffles, sausages, eggs, orange juice and coffee. Under the coffee cup was a dollar. "Hey, what is this dollar for?" he asked. "Well," the blonde replied, "I asked my husband what we should give you for retirement and he said 'Screw him, give him a dollar'.....the breakfast was my idea."
15. Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
16. Why was the blonde sitting in front of the refrigerator taking on and off the cap of a 2-liter bottle? Because the twist and win cap said, "Thank you, please try again."
17. Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a redhead. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the redhead gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. The blondes applauded.
18. A blonde wanted to buy a TV, so she went into the store. She found one she wanted, and asked the shop assistant what the price was. "I'm sorry, we don't serve blondes," his reply was. The blonde walked out, and got her hair colored into red. Next day, she walked in, and asked the shop assistant how much her chosen TV was. "I'm sorry, we do not serve blondes," his reply was again. She was confused. So, again, she walked out. She got her hair colored into black. Next day, she walked in, and asked how much was her chosen TV. "I'm sorry, we do not serve blondes!" his reply was again. Now the blonde was really confused. "How did you know I was a blonde?" asked the girl. "Well, because what you've got there is a microwave."
19. There is a brunette, a redhead, and a blond in jail waiting to be executed. So the brunette walks up to the wall. The executioner says "Ready ... Aim ..." and the brunette yells "Tornado!" When they all turn around to look, off she runs. So the redhead walks up and says to herself "Ah I got this." This time when the executioner says "Ready ... Aim ..." The redhead screams "Hurricane!" When they all turn around, she scampers away. So the blond walks up and says to herself "Ah I got this." When the executioner says "Ready ... Aim ..." and the blond cries "FIRE!"
20. A blonde and her friend went to the beach for the day. As they wandered up and down the shoreline in their bikinis the friend began to notice that the blonde seemed to be having some difficulty walking. Her friend finally said, "Did you hurt your leg or something? You're walking very strangely." The blonde replied, "I have a big date tonight and I've got curlers in my hair."