These jokes are from JokeJester.com! These are dirty jokes and they are unappropriate, so please...don't read them if you don't wanna read some nasty stuff!! =P
1. A lady and her husband have been arguing back and forth for some time. She makes an appointment to see her doctor and tells him, "My husband has been complaining that my pussy has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything."
The doctor examines her, and then says, "Ma'am, you need an operation."
She says, "On my pussy?"
He says, "No, on your NOSE!"
2. A father catches his son masturbating. He says, "Don't do that, son, or you'll go blind." The kid says, "Pop, I'm over here."
3. An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "Check this out!" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we should do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, now would be a good time to wash it."
4. A gay guy is in the doctor's office: Doctor: I'm afraid I have bad news. You have an advanced case of AIDS. Gay Guy: Oh, doctor, doctor, what am I going to DO? Doctor: Well, I'd say go to Mexico. Drink as much of water as you can. Not that bottled water - I'm talking about real Mexican tap water. Then, eat as much of the local food as you can. Make sure you eat plenty of beans, cabbage and lots and lots of fruit. Buy hot dogs, tacos and burritos from street vendors, too. Gay Guy: Doctor, will that cure me? Doctor: Nope, but it will teach you what your asshole is for!
5. The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a very skimpy negligee. "Guess what I got planned for dinner?", she asked seductively, "And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."
6. A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."
7. Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy are in the middle of a 69, when the phone rings. It's Fozzy Bear on the other end, and he wants to speak with Miss Piggy. Kermit replies, "She can't talk right now, she has a frog in her throat!"
8. This guy had a beautiful woman for a girl friend, but he was too ashamed to screw her because of his small dick. So one day while they were at the drive-in movies, he decides that now was a good time to screw her because she wouldn't be able to see his dick size. So, halfway through the movie, he unzips his pants, and pulls out his dick and sticks it in her hand. She than replied, "No thank you, I don't smoke."
9. There once was a little boy, on his walk home he had to pass a whore house. Everyday a whore sat outside and held up her pinky waved it at her and said "Hello, little boy..." After a few months of this the little boy ask the whore, "Why do you wave your little pinky and say hello little boy to me?" "Well," said the whore, "that's how big I think your penis is." "Oh" said the little boy. Jus then the little boy stuck both his hands in his mouth and stretched his mouth as wide as it would go and said "Goodbye."
10. A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick and asks, "Daddy,what's that?" Not wanting to explain sex to her yet, he says, "Uh, I can't tell you, it's a secret." The little girl finds her mother and asks, "What is that long thing between Daddy's legs?" Her mother also doesn't want to explain sex yet, so she says, "I don't know, he won't tell me." A couple days later the little girl says to her mother, "Mommy, I finally figured out what that thing between Daddy's legs is. It's a toothbrush!" "Why do you think that?" the amused mother asks. "Because," the little girl says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding it in and out of her mouth and she had toothpaste dripping down her chin."
11. This little boy and his grandpa are fishing. Grandpa pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says,"Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" "No" the little boy responds. "Then you can't have one." A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the little boy asks, "Grandpa can I have one of those?" Grandpa then replies "Can your penis touch your asshole?" "No" says the little boy. "Then you can't have one." Later on grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buys a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says, "I just won fifty grand." Grandpa says "Great. You're going to split that with me. Right?" The little boy asks, "Grandpa,is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes" said the Grandpa. "Then go fuck yourself!"
12. A man walks into a bar and sits down and order 12 shots of whiskey. The bartender stunned by this order asks the man, what is the occasion. The man says, "I'm celebrating in a way." The bartender asks the man what he's celebrating. The man smiles and says, "My first blowjob." The bartender says, "Well now, that sure is worth celebrating. Hell, I'll buy you another shot. It's on me!" The man says, "No thanks. If 12 shot's don't get the taste out of mouth, nothing will."
13. Anthony married a virgin. On their wedding night, he couldn't wait to make love to her. He stripped down, jumped into bed, and began groping her. "Anthony," she said. "I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." Anthony sat up, folded his hands in his lap, and said, "Is this better?" "Oh, much better," she said. "Good," he said. "Would you please pass the pussy?"
14. A little 5 year old kid was wondering one day what exactly a penis was. So he went to his father and asked him. The father, scared to expose his son to early sexual experiences, held his penis in his hand and said, "Son, this is a penis. In fact, it is a perfect penis." The next day the boy goes to his friend and says, "Hey. I know what a penis is, and you don't." "What is it?" asked his friend. The little boy takes his penis out and says, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter, it would be a perfect penis.
15. Three nuns were talking. The first nun said "I was cleaning the Fathers room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." What did you do? the other nuns asked... "Well, of course I threw them in the trash!" The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the Fathers room putting away laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them," she said. The third nun said, "OH SHIT!"
16. There once was a guy who couldn't talk right so one day he went into bakery and asked the clerk for a butt and the clerk said you mean a bun and he said yeah. Then he goes into a hardware store and asked for a fuck it and the clerk said you mean a bucket he said yeah. then he goesinto a pet shop and asked for a cock and spank it. then he went up to a police officer and said could you hold my butt and fuck it while I grab my cock and spank it.
17. A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do this trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. The husband was standing there, pulling up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."
18. A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse. After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours. Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He panicked, wondering what to tell his wife. After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. "Aha!", the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey look what the dog did to my neck!" "Hell, that's nothing," she answered, ripping open her blouse. "Look what the little fucker did to my tits!"
19. Sunny a six year old boy was playing with his toy car. While running behind the car, he entered under the skirt of his mother, who was not wearing panties. Looking at the cunt he asked " Mom, what is this?" Mom replied " Nothing son, its only a Parking Garage" Sunny asked " Mom, can I park my car in it?" Mom replied " No son you can't, it is ment for parking your father's Truck"
20. A man dies and he goes to hell. Satan greets him and says "Come with me. I'll let you choose your eternal punishment." He walks by the first room and sees a man being whipped by a 300 lb. transvestite, and he thinks to himself "Oh, god no." He walks by the second room and sees a man being burned with cigarettes by a 200 lb. transsexual vegetarian. Again, he thinks "No way in hell will I choose that." He walks by the third room and sees a beautiful blonde giving an old guy a blowjob. He thinks "Hell, yeah. I'll choose this one." Satan agrees, walks up to the blonde and says "You can go. I've found your replacement."
21. There once was a woman who got mad at her boyfriend. She cut off his penis and hung it on the wall. Each night she made love to it. Then these three guys, 2 white men, and a black man decided that she was beautiful. They wanted to make love to her, so they put their penises secretly in the place of the penis of the old boyfriend. Then it was the black man's turn. When the woman saw it, she said, "Oh no! My penis is rotten!," and with that, she cuts it off.