Voice-over: "Coming to you live from the Bermuda Triangle..."
Background Singers: "DJ Dan"
Voice-over: "You're listening to DJDan, shutting down the man."
DJ Dan: "Tanya, why am I in such a great mood? Do you know, can you guess?"
Tanya: "Uh, does it have something to do with yesterday's interview maybe? The fact that you shut down the man?"
DJ Dan: "Oh, Tanya. Sweet Tanya. Before I answer that, I gotta rant. Guys, I hate to tell you this, but I gotta tell you. You are OWNED! If you're like me, you're like most of the suckers who rent instead of own, lease instead of buy, use credit instead of cash. You are OWNED. 30% of you is owned by the government, and the government is owned by THE MAN. You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking global corporations, like your Widmore corportion. Companies so big, so evil, so powerful, that even when you stand up, you are picketing with signs made on their paper, while drinking coffee picked on their cocaine -- oh, ho, lordy, I mean, uh, Colombian coffee plantations. Now this is nothing new, Conspiraspies. It's been this way since way back when before Charleton Heston parted the Red Sea. So why does it feel like things have changed?"
Tanya: "Uh, because they have?"
DJ Dan: "No, SHUTDOWN. Because the stink has risen to the surface. These companies aren't even trying to hide it anymore. I want my Candlestick Park back. I want to walk through the campus of my state university and feel like I'm in that state, not the corporate headquarters of the bank that owns the business school. Which brings me to yesterday's question: Why are college students building electromagnetic superweapons? Electromagnetic superweapons, people. Here's the sitch [situation]: We've got a student, gets an astrophysics scholarship at a state school. What he doesn't know, what he couldn't know until he's there, what they don't put in the brochure next to the pictures of the cafeterias and the cheerleaders, is that he's running research simulations for classfied electromagnetic superweapons. And when he decides, 'Hey, I'm 18, I don't need to be contributing to the corporate war machine,' they pull his scholarship. They pull his scholarship. They sue him and turn his life upside down. And with nothing to lose, he comes on my show and he dishes it straight. Tanya, roll the tape."
[Tape begins.]
DJ Dan: "So, uh, you have no idea who is funding this research program?"
Interviewee: "No, I have an idea."
DJ Dan: "An idea? A theory? A CONSPIRACY THEORY?"
Interviewee: "Every week some guy picks up our simulation, so I followed one, and I lose him in the crowd outside the Widmore Corporation building."
[Tape ends.]
DJ Dan: "Uh, Stop right there, Tanya. Widmore Corporation. Do you have any idea whose offices are housed within the Widmore Corporation building?"
Tanya: "Uh, does it begin with Hanso?"
DJ Dan: "Oho, you're gettin' paid this week, Tanya. For those of you who don't know, the Hanso Foundation is one of those non-profit organizations whose sole purpose seems to be researching everything you see in a bad sci-fi movie. Now, if you're like me, you're dying to know: what are these people up to? Of course, nobody knows, not even this Persephone chick who's hacking their website, and just the same, nobody knows where that guy went in that crowd. Now, what we do know is that yesterday's show made a stink. My source on the hill says he hasn't seen senators this pissed off since the Kennedy suicide. And all of a sudden, the plug has been pulled from the weapons program. WE SHUT DOWN THE MAN! And why? Because our Hanso Foundation, our insert name of evil corporation here, they heard my interview, and this last bit made their blood run cold. Roll the tape!"
[Tape begins.]
DJ Dan: "So, uh, then what are the possible applications of this research?"
Interviewee: "Pretty much, we were asked to simulate an electromagnetic pulse strong enough to knock a space-borne body out of its recurring orbit."
DJ Dan: "Uh, space-borne body. Like what, exactly?"
Interviewee: "Like, the moon."
[Tape ends.]
DJ Dan: "Okay, that's nutty even for me. But apparently it wasn't for them. This stuff is happening folks, open your eyes. DJ Dan, shutting down the man."
Voice-over: "You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man."
NO COMMERCIAL