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Weird Things To Ponder
1. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up
this floppy disk?
2. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
3. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what
you've got!
4. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things
get worse.
5. Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
6. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
7. The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO
CARRIER
8. Did anyone see my lost carrier?
9. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a
better idiot.
10. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are
missing!
11. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
12. Always remember you're unique, just like
everyone else.
13. "More hay, Trigger?" "No
thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
14. A flashlight is a case for holding dead
batteries.
15. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
16. Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
17. There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
18. I wouldn't be caught dead with a
necrophiliac.
19. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth
control!
20. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays
off now.
21. Friends help you move. Real friends help you
move bodies.
22. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide
over to it.
23. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither
did I. Double your drive space - delete Windows!
24. What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
25. Assassins do it from behind.
26. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
27. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,
somewhere may be happy.
28. Consciousness: that annoying time between
naps.
29. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
30. I used to have a handle on life, then it
broke.
31. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get
out alive.
32. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every
minute of it.
33. The sex was so good that even the neighbors
had a cigarette.
34. Better to understand a little than to
misunderstand a lot.
35. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
36. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
37. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on
my reality check?
38. Few women admit their age. Few men act
theirs.
39. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
40. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of
SMART?
41. All generalizations are false, including this
one.
42. Change is inevitable, except from a vending
machine.
43. C program run. C program crash. C programmer
quit.
44. I may not know what I'm doing, but I know how
to do it.
45. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
46. Cross country skiing is great if you live in
a small country.
47. "Did you sleep well?" "No, I
made a couple of mistakes."
48. Officer, I know I was going faster than
55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an
hour.
49. it's a small world, but I wouldn't want to
have to paint it.
50. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at
the same time.
51. You can't have everything. Where would you
put it?
52. If you were going to shoot a mime, would you
use a silencer?
53. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now
I don't know what to feed it.
54. My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my
birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me
the other one next year.
55. I had amnesia once or twice.
56. I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a
dollar. |
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