-Wax the ceiling
-Rearrange political campaign signs
-Sharpen your teeth
-Play Houdini with one of your siblings
-Braid your dog's hair
-Clean and polish your belly button
-Water your dog...see if he grows
-Wash a tree
-Knight yourself
-Name your child Edsel
-Scare Stephen King
-Give your cat a mohawk
-Purr
-Mow your carpet
-Play Pat Boone records backwards
-Vacuum your lawn
-Whine
-Rake your carpet
-Re-elect Richard Nixon
-Critique "Three's Company"
-Listen to a painting
-Play with matches
-Buff your cat
-Race ferrets
-Paint your house...Day-Glo Orange
-Have a formal dinner at White Castle
-Read Homer in the original Greek
-Change your mind
-Learn Greek
-Change it back
-Watch the sun...see if it moves
-Stand on your head
-Build a pyramid
-Stand on someone else's head
-Spit shine your Nikes
-See how long you can stay awake
-Paint your teeth
-See how long you can sleep
-Wear a salad
-Speak with a forked tongue
-Get your dog braces
-Shave a shrub
-Have a proton fight
-Watch a car rust
-Quiver
-Rotate your carpet
-Learn to type...with your toes
-Set up your Christmas tree in April
-Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
-Be someone special
-Mail it to a friend
-Go back to square one
-Factor your social security number
-Take the fifth
-Memorize a series of random numbers
-Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
-Join the Foreign Legion
-Learn Sanskrit
-Exist...existentially, of course
-Print counterfeit Confederate money
-Kick a cabbage
-Take a picture
-Sandpaper a mushroom
-Put it back
-Play solitaire...for cash
-Abuse your patio furniture
-Run for Pope
-Count to a million...fast
-Make a schematic drawing...of a rock
-Commit seppuku...with a paper knife
-Revert
-Think shallow thoughts
-Sleep on a bed of nails
-Boil ice cream
-DON'T toss and turn
-Run around in squares
-Think of quadruple entendres
-Speak in acronyms
-Have your pillow X-rayed
-Drink straight shots...of water
-Calmly have a nervous breakdown
-Give your goldfish a perm
-Fly a brick
-Play tag...on 35W
-Exorcise a ghost
-Be blue
-Exercise a ghost
-Be red
-Paint stripes on a lake
-But don't be orange
-Ski Kansas
-Sleep in freefall
-Kill a Joule
-Test thin ice...with a pogo stick
-Apply for a unicorn hunting license
-Do a good job
-Crawl
-Invite the Mansons over for dinner
-Paint your windows
-Watch a watch until it stops
-Flash your goldfish
-Paint
-Flirt with an evergreen
-Smile
-Rotate your garden...daily
-Paint a smile
-Shoot a fire hydrant
-Pretend you're blind
-Apologize to it
-Plant a shoe
-Sweat
-Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
-Turn
-Take your sofa for a walk
-Write a letter to Plato
-Start
-Mail it
-Stop
-Dial 911 and breathe heavily
-Go to a funeral...tell jokes
-Play the piano...with mittens on
-Starch your shoes
-Polish your Calvin's
-Contemplate a cockroach
-Get a dog to chase your car
-Investigate the Czar
-Let him catch it
-Form a political party
-Climb a sidewalk
-Have a political party
-Get diagonal...with a good friend
-Ride a loaf of bread
-Sharpen a carrot
-Interrogate a gerbil
-Annoy yourself
-Get mad at yourself
-Stop speaking to yourself
-Be a side effect
-Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley
-Duck
-Redecorate...your garage
-Develop a complex
-Join the Army...be someone simple
-Try harder
-Hit the deck
-Put legwarmers on your furniture
-Cut the deck
-Scheme
-Sit
-Water your family room
-Stay
-Cause a power failure
-Roll over
-Wriggle
-Play dead
-Donate your brother's body to science
-Find a witch
-Ask why
-Burn her
-Regress
-Sleepwalk without sleeping
-Go bow hunting for Toyotas
-Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
-Jump back
-Play to lose
-Scalp a street light
-Have your car painted...plaid
-Read a tomato
-Sharpen your sleeping skills
-Watch a game show...take notes
-Put out a fire
-Interview a cloud
-If you can't find a fire, make one
-Play tiddlywinks...go for blood
-Play basketball...in a minefield
-Crumple
-Translate Shakespeare into English
-Skydive to church
-Cheer up a potato
-Do aerobic exercises...in your head
-Play cards with your swimming pool
-Pinstripe your driveway
-Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
-Harness chipmunk power
-Build a house with ice cubes
-Call London for a cab
-Mug a stop sign
-Change your name...daily
-Go for a walk in your attic
-Challenge your neighbor to a duel
-Try to join Hell's Angels by mail
-Wonder
-Be a square root
-Ask stupid questions
-Weld your car doors shut
-Spew
-Vacation at Three-Mile Island
-Surf Ohio
-Teach your pet rock to play dead
-Go bowling for small game
-Be a monk...for a day
-Wear a sweatband to your wedding
-Staple
-Run away
-Intimidate a piece of chalk
-Abuse the plumbing
-Bend a florescent light
-Bend a brick
-Annoy total strangers
-Don't talk to things
-Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
-Have your cat bronzed
-Have your gerbil gilded
-Write books about writing books
-Create random equations
-Mispell words
-Tell your feet a joke
-Throw a tomato into a fan
-Sing the ABC song backwards
-Pretend you're a dog
-Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
-Grease the doorknobs
-String up a room
-Stack furniture
-Relive fond memories
-Tie your shoelaces together
-Gargle
-Count your teeth with your tongue
-Decay
-Find your half-life
-Build a house out of toothpicks
-Howl
-Wear a lampshade on your head
-Memorize the dictionary
-Stomp grapes in the bathtub
-Find a bug and chase it
-Make yourself a pair of wings
-Be immobile
-Dance 'til you drop
-Check under chairs for chewing gum
-Squish a loaf of bread
-Moo
-Bounce a potato
-Outmaneuver your shadow
-Climb the walls
-Appreciate everything
-Challenge yourself to a duel
-Believe in Santa Claus
-Let the best man win
-Throw marshmallows against the wall
-Hold an ice cube as long as possible
-Adopt strange mannerisms
-Blow up a balloon until it pops
-Sing soft and sweet and clear
-Open everything
-Sing loud and sour and gravelly
-Balance a pencil on your nose
-Pour milk in your shoes
-Write graffiti under the rug
-Embarass yourself
-Grind your teeth
-Chew ice
-Count your belly button
-Sit in a row
-Stack crumbs
-Gesture
-Save your toenail clippings
-Make a pass at your blender
-Punt
-Make up words that start with X
-Make oatmeal in the bathtub
-Search for the Lost Chord
-Chew on a sofa cushion
-Sing a duet
-Balance a pillow on your head
-Hold your breath
-Faint
-Stretch
-Flash your mailman
-Teach your TA English
-Learn to speak Farsi
-Swear in Russian
-Use an eraser until it goes away
-Disassemble your car
-Record your walls
-Put it together inside out
-Interview your feet
-Make a list of your favorite fungi
-Sell formaldehyde
-Make napalm
-Tattoo your dresser
-Watch a bowling ball
-Buy some diapers
-Eat everything
-Begin
-Pour milk in the sink
-Make cottage cheese
-Tie-dye your sheets
-Hold your earlobes
-Carpet your ceiling
-Fold your earlobes
-Flap
-Squak
-Read tea leaves
-Analyze the Koran
-Be Buddah
-Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
-Plug in the cat
-Turn on everything
-Drop pebbles down the chimney
-Turn off your neighbor
-Kill a plant
-Buy a 1931 Almanac
-Memorize the weather section
-Think lewd thoughts about yourself
-Peel grapes
-Send chills down your spine
-Make paper from the skins
-Blow bubbles
-Bloat
-Catch them with your radiator
-Get run over by a train of thought
-Make up famous sayings
-Bite your pinkie
-File your teeth
-Design a better toilet seat
-Shred a newspaper
-Scratch
-Have a headache
-Sniff
-Hatch an egg
-Memorize the phone bookWeird World additions
Make love to lipstick
Dance with a chair
Poop on the coffee table
Stick out your tongue
Play with your earlobe
Beat on a can of play dough
Slap a wet noodle
Watch paint dry
Paint your tongue
Arrange your closet
Buy cheese
Make friends with your sock
Talk to yourself
Speak French
Love a fish
Program a virus
Lick a wall
Play ball with a living cookie
Ressurect a dead insect
Hold funeral services for you cheerios
Turn your clock an hour back
Rub a piece of bread
Paste buttons to your wall
Remove your doors
Give yourself plastic surgery
Play war with your bacon and eggs
Count grains of sugar
Talk to your toilet
Buy a lollypop
Try on a diaper
Try on a piece of shrimp
Microwave your hand
Start a band
Sell tickets to your dogs circumcision
Steal a car
Steal your own car
Hold yourself for ransom
Fluff up a sausage
Paste macaroni to your forehead
Kill a lightbulb
Challenge your pillow to a battle to the death
glue marshmellows in your hair
Fart on your house
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