JOHN BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital
part of your hard disk then re-attaches
it. (But that part will never work
again.) OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB
hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands back to 200MB.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary
virus does not horse around. It warns you
of impending hard disk attack -- once if
by LAN, twice if by C:\
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls
itself a "virus," but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic
microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you
to delete a file, regardless of how old
it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it
requires you to first see a counselor
about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every
component in your system, just before the
whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great
virus, but it refuses to run.
BILL CLINTON 96 VIRUS: This virus will
say anything to you to get into your
computer. But once you let it in, does
anything it wants to. It has been known
to lie and cheat on its mother board. You
know your computer has this virus when
your screen turns white and spells out
water.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your
monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Their is sumthing
rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant
figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing
works, but all your diagnostic software
says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably
harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your
hard disk into hundreds of little units,
each of which does practically nothing,
but all of which claim to be the most
important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs
infected will lose 38 percent of their
data 14 percent of the time (plus or
minus a 3.5 percent margin or error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's
bigger than any other file.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1: The computer
locks up, screens splits erratically with
a message appearing on each half blaming
the other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every
program on the hard drive simultaneously
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish
anything.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but
your data is in Singapore.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it
tells you what great service you are
getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it
reminds you that you're paying too much
for the AT&T virus.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes
obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your computer stops every
few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat,
slow and lazy, then self-destructs --only
to resurface at shopping malls and
service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer
to become a paper shredder.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear
unless you buy new cables, power supply
and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can
never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer
shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song
(slightly off key) on boot-up, then
subtracts money from your Quicken account
and spends it all on expensive shoes it
purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system
in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system
for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends
you a bill for 4,500 bucks.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly
stating, "Read my docs ... no new
files!" on the screen. It proceeds
to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, then blames it
on the Congressional Virus.
NEW YORK JETS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50
machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels
threatened by the other files on your PC
and erases them in
"self-defense."
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes
frequent mistakes and comes in last in
the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you
don't send it a million dollars, its
programmer will take it back.
O.J. VIRUS: It claims that it did not,
could not and would not delete two of
your files and vows to find the virus
that did it.
BOUCHARD VIRUS: Attempts to remove the
hard drive from your computer. If that
doesn't work it terminates and stays
resident at public expense.
CANADA POST VIRUS: It would have
infected you if it hadn't gotten lost
transferring to your hard disk.
HP MARKETING VIRUS: Attempts to make
you belive that your 3000 is a 9000, then
disappears.
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