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Stupid Things To Do In A Computer Lab
Log on, wait a sec, then get a
frightened look on your face and
scream,"Oh my God! They've found
me!" and bolt.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes
and then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at
you.
When your computer is turned off,
complain to the monitor on duty that you
can't get the darned thing to work. After
he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,
turn it off again, and repeat the process
for a good half hour.
Type frantically, often stopping to look
at the person next to you evilly.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect
each computer to a different screen than
the one it's set up with.
Write a program that plays the
"Smurfs" theme song and play it
at the highest volume possible over and
over again.
Work normally for awhile. Suddenly look
amazingly startled by something on the
screen and crawl underneath the desk.
Ask the person next to you if they know
how to tap into top- secret Pentagon
files.
Use Interactive Send to make passes at
people you don't know.
Make a small ritual sacrifice to the
computer before you turn it on.
Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If
anyone asks why you have it, say
"Just in case..." mysteriously.
Type on VAX for awhile. Suddenly start
cursing for 3 minutes about everything
bad about your life. Then stop and
continue typing.
Enter the lab, undress, and start staring
at other people as if they're crazy while
typing.
Light candles in a pentagram around your
terminal before starting.
Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2.
Keep asking until someone agrees. Then,
pull a disk out of your fly and say,
"Oops, I forgot."
Every time you press return and there is
processing time required, pray
"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease,"
and scream "YES!" when it
finishes.
"DISK FIGHT!"
Start making out with the person at the
terminal next to you (it helps if you
know them, but this is also a great way
to make new friends).
Put a straw in your mouth and put your
hands in your pockets. Type by hitting
the keys with the straw.
If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin
around singing "The Lion Sleeps
Tonight" whenever there is
processing time required.
Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a
piece of paper and tape it to your
monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it
hates you and then complain loudly that
women (men) are worthless.
Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge in the
3.5 disk drive. When it doesn't work, get
the supervisor.
When you are on an IBM and when you turn
it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple
face is when you turn on one of those.
Print out the complete works of
Shakespeare, then when it's all done (two
days later) say that all you wanted was
one line.
Sit and stare at the screen, biting your
nails noisily. After doing this for
awhile, spit them out at the feet of the
person next to you.
If you have long hair, take a typing
break, look for split ends, cut them, and
deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard
as you leave.
Put a large, gold-framed portrait of a
garbage dump on your desk and loudly
proclaim that it inspires you.
Take the keyboard and sit under the
computer. Type up your paper like this.
Then go to the lab supervisor and
complain about the bad working
conditions.
Laugh hysterically, shout "You will
all perish in flames!!!" and
continue working.
Bring some dry ice and make it look like
the computer is smoking.
Assign a musical note to every key (ex.
the delete key is A-flat).Whenever you
hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an
entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Borrow someone else's keyboard by
reaching over, saying "Excuse
me,mind if I borrow this for a
sec?", unplugging the keyboard, and
taking it.
Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
When doing calculations, pull out an
abacus and say that sometimes the old
ways are best.
Play Pong for hours on the most powerful
computer in the lab.
Remove your disk from the drive and hide
it. Go to the lab monitor and complain
that your computer ate your disk. (For
special effects, put some Elmer's glue on
or around the disk drive. Claim that the
computer is drooling.)
Stare at the person's next to your's
screen, look really puzzled, burst out
laughing and say "You did
that?" loudly.Keep laughing, grab
your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying
to swat them.
Bring a small tape player with a tape of
really absurd sound effects.Pretend it's
the computer and look really lost.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the
screen. Complain that the lead doesn't
work.
Run into the computer lab, shout
"Armageddon is here!!!!!", then
calmly sit down and begin to type. |
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