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68 Off The Wall Things To Do At Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the
express purpose of filling them and
stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at
the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at
ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing football; see how many
people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a
male) while squeezing your legs together
and practically yelling at him "I
need some tampons!!!".
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric
department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the
ground, leading to the restrooms.
9. While walking around the store, sing
in your loudest voice possible "Sex
and Candy".
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him
in an official tone, "I think we've
got a code 3 in the housewares", and
see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka
station; then turn them all off and turn
the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and
say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so
long!..." etc. and see if they play
along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing
department, ask yourself loud enough for
all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap,
anyway?".
15. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry
department.
16. Try putting different pairs of
women's panties on your head and walk
around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in
the hands of mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends,
using the entire store as your playing
field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases
over the scanner, look mesmerized and
say, "Wow. Magic!".
20. Put M & M's on lay-away.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor"
signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping
department; tell others you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from
bed and bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto
department by sampling all the spray air
fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the
brushes and combs in cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders
and run around saying, "I'm Batman.
Come, Robin--to the batcave!".
26. TP as much of the store as you can.
27. Randomly throw things over into
neighbouring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that
they all spell "hello"
upside-down (01134).
29. When someone asks if you need help,
begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you
people just leave me alone?".
30. When two or three people are walking
ahead of you, run between them, yelling,
"Red Rover!".
31. Look right into the security camera,
and use it as a mirror while you pick
your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by
setting up a full scale battlefield with
G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described
above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I.
Joes vs. G.I. Janes (Red lipstick might
give an interesting effect!!!).
35. While handling guns in the hunting
department, suddenly ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressents are. As
spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching, quickly
switch the men's and women's signs on the
doors of the restrooms.
37. Dart around suspiciously while
humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible".
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym
bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large
gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms,
and watch everyone's jaws drop when you
attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a "Valet Parking"
sign in front of the store.
42. Two words. Marco Polo.
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden,
pillows in the pet food aisle, etc...
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's
in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practise your
"Madonna" look with various
funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when
people browse through, say things like
"the fat man walks alone", and
scare them into believing that the
clothes are talking to them.
47. While walking around, pretend someone
is with you and get into a very serious
conversation. Ex: The person is breaking
up with you, and you begin crying,
"How could you do this to me? I
thought you loved me! I knew there was
another girl, but I thought I had won.
You kissed ME darling." Then act as
though you are being beaten and fall onto
the ground screaming and having
convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the
loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
and scream, "No, no! It's those
voices gain!".
49. Go to an empty check-out stand and
try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over
to the magazines and relax. If the store
has a food court, buy a soft drink;
explain that you don't get out much, and
ask if they can put a little umbrella in
your drink.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the
front of the store and begin stroking it
lovingly, saying, "Good girl, good
Bessie".
52. Go over to the shoe department and
try on every pair of shoes, not putting
one pair back. Take the paper from the
boxes and throw it in various aisles.
53. When someone steps away from their
cart to look at something, quickly make
off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles,
always staying about five feet away.
Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any
Grey Poupon.
56. Test the fishing rods and see what
you can "catch" from other
aisles.
57. In the make-up department, spray
yourself with every perfume there is,
then walk up to a guy who is with another
girl and start flirting with him in that
annoying, ditsy way. "Hi!!! (giggle)
What's your sign? (giggle)". When
the boy shows no interest, start hitting
on the girl the exact same way.
"Hi!!! (giggle) What's your sign?
(giggle)".
58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see
fit.
60. When there are people behind you,
walk REALLY SLOW, especially through the
narrow aisles.
61. Relax in the patio furniture until
you get kicked out.
62. Challenge other customers to duels
with tubes of gift wrap.
63. Pay off lay-aways fifty cents at a
time.
64. Say things like, "Would you be
so kind as to direct me to your
Twinkies?".
65. Make up nonsense products and ask
newly-hired employees if there are any in
stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?".
66. Ride a display bicycle through the
store; claim you're taking it for a
"test drive".
67. Leave cryptic messages on the
typewriters.
68. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they don't
realize it. |
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