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More Great Jokes
1. A man went to visit his friend, at
the front lawn he sees the friends boy
playing alone, he asks the
boy:"where is your dady?",
BOY:"he was ran over by a car"
MAN:"where is your mother?"
BOY:"she was ran over by a car"
MAN:"where is your brothers?"
BOY:"they were ran over by a
car" MAN:"poor boy what were
you doing?" BOY:"nothing just
driving a car".
2. A doctor goes to visit a mad men
house, he goes in & sees all of the
mad men with bandages on thier
heads,"Hey what's going in?" he
asks, a mad man answers:"we invanted
a new game, we draw a line on the floor
& try to go under the line".
3. friend #1 to friend #2:"lets play
basketball" friend #2:"why
for?, lets fight now".
4. A guy stops a police car &
says:"officer there was a huge
excident down this road",
OFFICER:"thanks, i'll drive the
other way".
5. Two friends meet, Friend #1:"hey
want to come to my house on Sunday?"
Friend #2:"I can't, Madichi is
performing",F#1:"that's ok what
about monday?" F#2:"Madichi
again" F#1(asks more but the friend
can't come) "you have to go to all
of the concerts?" F#2:"NO,
those are the days that I can visit his
wife".
6. Once there was this great magician if
he would say your name you will die, so
one day he said:"Grandmother",
& his Grandmother died, he
said:"Uncle" & his Uncle
died, he said:"Father" &
his next-door neighbour died.
7. Four nuns go to heaven, as they enter
an angel comes & asks the first nun,
"did you ever touch a mans
dick?", "Yes once with my
finger, "than go wash your finger in
the holly water" the angel says, the
second nun says she touched a mans dick
with her hand, so she goes & washes
her hand, as the third nun comes to the
angel the forth nun pushes her & say
"I'm not going to drink the holly
water after she puts her but in
them!".
8. Two people come to the electric chair,
they are asked if they want a last wish,
the first one says "I want to hear
the "Macarena" for the last
time in full volume", the second one
says "Kill my now!!!".
9. Father & son go together to a Meat
factory, the father tels his son
"You see, they put a donkey on one
said and on the other side comes out a
hot dog" so the son says:"If
you put a hot dog on one side a donkey
will come out from the other side?",
his father says:"it works only with
your mom".
10. "Say, didn't I cut your hair
before?" the barber asked his
client, "No" the client
says,"the scar is from the
war!".
11. Tow ministers were discussing the
lack of morals in the modern world.
"I didn't sleep with my wife before
we were married," said on clergyman
self-righteously. "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other.
"What was her maiden name?"
12. If you could choose any nose in the
whole wide world, whice would you
pick?
13. The man woke up in the hospital after
a terrible car crash. He askedthe doctor,
"What happened to me?"
"Well" The doctor said,
"I've got some bad news and some
good news. The bad news is that both of
your legs are gone. "That's
terrible" said the man. "What
could possibly be good after that?"
"The good news is that those pesky
corns of yours are completely gone."
14. "Doctor I can't remember
anything." Doctor:"First
pay..."
15. This lunatic tells a doctor his life
story, "I had a twin brother, every
thing he did they thought it was me, He
stole they put me in prison, He cursed
they screamed at me, and etc... But
yesterday I got him, I was killed and he
got buried.
16. A man goes to the doctor "Doctor
I'm in love with a horse," "Is
it a male or a female horse" asks
the doctor, "Of course a female
horse, WHAT?, Do you think I'm not
normal?
17. A girl goes to her grandmother,
"grandma why do you have such big
ears?" "so I can here you, my
sweet child," says grandma "And
why do you have such a big nose,
grandma?" so grandma says "Did
you saw my fingers?"
18. Two flies are sitting on a big, wet,
smelly piece of dog dropping, than a
third fly comes and farts, the two flies
look at him and say "Gross, can't
you see we're eating here?!"
19. A drunk enters a bus sits next to a
girl and pukes all over her, "OH,
GROSS" the girl says "I'm
gross," the drunk says "Look at
you!"
20. A fisherman marries a very, very ugly
women, so everyone asked him "what
he found in her?" so he answers
"Worms!"
21. A man and a woman are kissing the
woman say "I think I swallowed your
gum" the man answers "No, I
just have the cold"
22. A poor guy knockes on a door and asks
for food, the womam asks him "Do you
like food from yesterday?"
"Sure" answers the poor guy
"Than come tomorow" says the
woman.
23. A man comes back home and declares
"I can hear, I finally bought that
hearing device!" his wife tells him
"You see, I told you that the
hearing device will help you" the
man looks at her and says "Ah, so
that was what you're saynig all this
years"
24. A man to his wife " what do you
want?, a trip to sweeden or a dimond
ring?", Wife: "a trip to
sweeden, I heard dimonds are really cheap
there"
25. Three people are escaping from jail,
they get to a river and pry to god,
"run" god says "say
something and you'll become it". the
first one says "bird" and
flyies away, the second says
"fish" and swims, the third man
hits a rock and says "Oh shit"
26. "Today I'm starting a salad
diet", "Good, what's a salad
diet?", "Eating everything
except salad"
27. A man:"Doctor I'm blind!",
Doctor:"can you prove it?"
Man:"Yes, do you see that nail on
the wall?" Doctor:"Yes",
Man:"I can't."
28. An old woman to her old friend
"How do you wash your teeth?",
"In the dishwasher" |
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