HOW TO BE POPULAR, LIKED

How to be liked, popular socially, likeable in personal inmate relationships, friendships: likeability, popularity.

"I am popular, and still not liked!" screams a high school student in a discussion form. One advises: "Being popular means you're better than everyone else, so act like it!" Another complains: "People look down on me and my friends, because we're so popular!"

Popularity is likeability -popular means liked. Popularity, even the meaning of do not know many. A glance at  high school web-forms show being popular to be thought of as being rich, posh, an achiever, a show off -or a stigma to enjoy popularity! That is far from even what popularity used to mean centuries ago: common -commonly liked means popular, popularity being likeability.

Popularity is likeableness -being likeable and liked; regardless of looks, wealth or position or intellect, being likeable and liked as a person. One may be all those not likeable & popular...

A US president deemed more able and elected did not get the popularity vote -his opponent did ~ another who when told someone was anticommunist replied "I don't care what kind of communist" was liked and got also the popularity vote. A wealthier Italian news-media magnet was not likeable and had not popularity with people; his rival was liked and popular. A UK premier considered by women better looking didn't win the popularity vote -the older balding opposition-leader got the women's popularity vote.

Popularity, likeability, isn't about being looked up to, looks, wealth -a fool and a genius, a weakling and a strongman, poor and rich, can be equally liked and popular, enjoy personal popularity.

Likeability or popularity is not synonymous with socialising -you may socialise a lot, take part in all sorts of social activity, attend every party, but still not be liked and popular, with no likeability, without popularity.   

Being liked by others, popularity, have to do with one's attitude in one's socialising, interaction with people: the likeable attitude that makes one liked to deal or be with -popular.

To be liked and popular one needn't agree or follow; likeability or popularity isn't being an angel or saintly, about views, opinions, likes, dislikes, preferences -popularity is popularly likeable attitude .

People are like mirrors; likeability, popularity, is based on that. If you stand in front of a mirror and make faces, that's what you get; if you smile, the mirror smiles back at you -you are liked, popular.

Popularity is respect based -not 'respect for authority', not in the 'yes sir' sense, but liked respect for others' right to be treated, even in disagreement, as you like to be treated. This simply is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you' -being liked is being considerate in friendship to others.

Being considerate and liked, popular, is being sincere and helpful, or sympathetic, at least  empathetic -understanding enough to respect another's right to their views, opinions, preferences ~ likeability and popularity is for your right to same not to spoil theirs. That's makes liked and popular.

That's all that respect for others means - but it gets you popularity, makes you likeable; you become liked and popular with them: your being considerate is liked, gets you their respect; you become famous with them for being considerate -considerate people are likeable; others think and speak highly of you, prefer you and your company to others, you enjoy respect, become liked, popular. 

People who must, do show respect for wealth or position; if they don't have to, here's their saying: Respect not even a king, if he doesn't respect you; but do respect also a pauper, if he respects you!

True power, lasting respect, likeability, popularity is being considerate ~ it makes you lastingly and truly powerful, because power is not strength ('also an ape has strength' yet man controls it) -it is popularity, being liked, which makes you, your company preferred, which, of course, is influence, true and lasting power, because people tell and ask opinions of those they like, and also of you if you are likeable, liked and popular.

Popularity, let's look at it in literature, in verse (poem by O Metiner -Birlik 29 Jan 1993 -translated), about the Cypriot thinker-writer-poet, the late, popular teacher Orhan Seyfi Ari - it says it all:-

His concern -so sincere!

Greatly respected everywhere!

Years spent -to illuminate!

More: hearts, his sultanate!

What's it saying? So respected, because he was sincerely concerned, helped -was liked, popular.

Many fail in personal or intimate relationships, because they are not liked, popular -without likeability,  not likeable, disliked. Being likeable, popularity is easy: to be liked and popular in personal relationships, all one has to do is have regard in relationships to what people consider also others entitled to expect.

That pays. If you don't do that people think you are stupid and not interested in being liked and popular in intimate or personal relationships, famous in friendships. If you do, you become liked, popular, you benefit. Its psychological: a cop is nice to you for speeding if you get out of the car ~ inside you are insisting on your territory -outside, recognising his status, so you are liked, get treated better; that's it's liked to be liked. 'You respect me, I respect you' translates, in effect, to 'I respect you, deserve yours' -being considerate, like in the mirror example, is liked and makes you liked and popular.   

That, on likeability, is the major basis, the first and most important essential of being likeable. There are, some psychological research which to know of may aid being liked, enhance popularity.     

On popularity in intimate or personal relationships, here are, based on psychological research, the gist of experts' advice: To be regarded considerate and become popular, liked in personal relationships, use them: appreciate human nature in personal relationships -it helps make likeable, popular to know these:-

On popularity, one's major personal relationships, are with people in four categories (the last three being interchangeable) with varying degrees of popularity: Blood relatives, e.g., parents or cousins -which one cannot choose;  Intimate, e.g., spouses, partners, lovers, sweethearts -which one carefully chooses; social, e.g., friends and acquaintances -some dearer than others; and, casual, e.g., work or class mates, the grocer, strangers -of necessity. (Within the last three one may become another.) We want to be (in varying degrees) liked by them -in our personal relationships it pleases or benefits to be liked by them. 

In becoming popular, bear in mind this psychological knowledge: In all four personal relationships, each party in varying degrees feels protected by a physical personal space. To be liked, respect, do not violate personal space without permission ~ it makes people feel uncomfortable, your company disliked, you unpopular -respecting it unconsciously registers in another's mind and feelings as 'likeable, respects me'. That personal space in the first two is about 1.5, in the last two 4 feet (45cm., 1.2m.).

In all personal relationships people crave for something, depending the nature of the relationship, which affects being likeable and liked by them -popularity or unpopularity with them. In the first, blood relations, one craves for approval. In the second, spouses, partners, lovers, sweethearts, expect understanding, affection, appreciation. In the third, social acquaintances, friends want popularity -to be liked by you. In the fourth, casual, others: co-operation. Knowing these helps be liked, popular.

Being liked, popular, has to be 'earned'. Here are general rules about how to earn likeability, popularity in these relationships -they are few but popularly make likeable, liked in personal relationships:-

The first two personal relationships, relatives, family relations -intimate relationships, have fewer likeability rules; because in matrimonial relationships, personal relations, in steady emotional or sexual relationships, living together, we habitually take for granted boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, but are caring and tolerant toward each other -the constancy and importance of parties' dealings reflect personal likes, preferences more in close or intimate relationships and they are, to that extent, known and already liked.

In such intimate relationships, generally these earn one popularity, enhance likeability: The elderly are somewhat set in their ways -being liked, popularity with them, is appreciating that. In parenting, popularity with kids begins with empathising with them, if unsympathetic, still being understanding -to be popular with teenagers make them see, feel, that you regard them not as kids but gown ups.

In male and female relationships remembering these boost one's likeability, popularity: With men, boyfriends, one is more likeable, popular, if one does not make them appear or feel week. Women, girlfriends, like romantic compliments, and to be made to laugh -and interesting news (in a poll more women preferred 'gossip' to unromantic sex). In intimate relationships all like constant reassurance, to be shown appreciation, frequent praise. These make fond of, popular, more liked.

In the other two kinds of personal relationships, being liked by friends and acquaintances, popular with  others, involve different measures of likeability and popularity. Being likeable, popularity in social relationships depends on standard rules of conduct. To be liked and popular socially, remember: Social relationships often are not so important to people as their intimate relationships -they easily drop you if you are not popular and liked. Just as you do, others also like appreciation, even flattery.

The generally applicable 'secrets' of being popularly, famously, liked, popular, in social, casual relationships are these -remember if you like to be likeable, if you want popularity, to be a star:-

Be a talker but do not bore ~ also be a listener: is liked one who give others a chance also to talk, to tell you about themselves to impress you and, similarly, to make themselves popular with you. To be liked, appreciate the views of others, even if you disagree; do not criticise unnecessarily. To be popular, if someone wants to be clever to impress you, avoid an inessential battle of wits ~ if  it is important to you, do not spinelessly agree with the ridiculous, but also don't show up if you want to be popular -neither is liked, earn popularity. Being likeable includes being a sport: if you heard a joke before do not spoil another's fun or enjoyment in trying to be popular with you ~ listen to it, smile -and do not be a stiff but popular and fun and join the laughter also of a harmless trick on you. If suggesting something, ask if it is okay; show you value others -are liked those who value others' opinions and it makes popular to sometimes also ask others' opinions. These make you liked and a famous personality in social relationships and earn you social likeability, popularity.

Co-operate -in the poetry of the thinker, teacher, the late, Orhan Seyfi Ari, hailed also for his popularity...

Be not unwisely contrary, with the world to get on
Won't hurt a somersault or two, to carry on

Popular friendships are special relationships. To be popular in friendships, to be liked, when confided in, do not betray confidences of friends -that makes disliked, unpopular. If depended on, do not allow yourself to be subjected to moral blackmail -that does not make you liked; but, if helping or consoling be positive and sincerely care -that is appreciated and liked. If your friend rejects your helpful advice, do not turn your back -it may be because of confusion, do not sulk or nag. If the issue is someone dear to you or to your friend try not to take sides ~ never speak ill of someone dear to a friend, even if your friend does in anger -which passes and makes you disliked. If unexpectedly visiting, don't stay too long -be considerate. I makes you liked by friends not to forget them and to keep in touch when they cannot; if away, a phone call, letter, fax, email, postcard pleases - especially on birthdays, anniversaries ~ people like one who asks how they are; it makes popular to show you care. These make famous with friends, boost personal popularity rating in friendships -to be liked, popular in friendships don't neglect these.

With acquaintances, It earns popularity to keep some distance; are disliked those who take for granted.

In casual relationships it makes popular in one's dealings, it is expected, to be reasonable. If pursuing an interest, giving a stranger's role or status recognition gets co-operation because it makes you liked. 

In all relationships it is liked to wear a smile; be fair, empathetic; show interest -it earns you popularity.

These are tried, tested advice ~ tips on likeability and popularity - how to be likeable, liked and popular.

May interest -the popularity of teacher Ari:  TEACHER of TEACHERS