THE PHILOSOPHER KINGS
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A review of The Bears' final public concerto, by Phyl Taernvulle

So what are The Bears like when they are on form? Do they even have a concept of form? Last night's Lion Cottage gig was the fourth Bearsgig I have ever seen, and by far the most chilling.

The scene was the backgarden of a friend of The Bears; the Duchess of Brewster. Nobody seemed too sure at what time The Bears would take to the stage, but neither Bears were keen to play in the rain, so they waited until it was beginning to darken; during which times Matthew-James kept his guitar and amp hidden in a shed, [which I was later informed had been christened "The Bearhut".] There is a new part of The Bears' act which emerged at the last gig, the Leaving Day Festival. They seem to like to leave setting up until the very last moment, and make a show of setting up itself; wandering around the stage, plugging things in, unplugging them, and then plugging them back in again. Then there is the show within a show of the soundcheck; it consists of playing the riffs of past Bearssongs and possibly newies, taunting the audience.

Finally, they had decided that they were ready. Matthew James Paish and Chrys Jestico-Fear take to the stage alone, dismissing rumours that there was a new Bear - a keyboardist whom many believed had been euphemistically dubbed "The Bearmachine". Paish is wearing a stripy Dorothy Perkins jumper, some lovely jeans and his blueshoes. Jestico-Fear is dressed from neck to ankle in beige with brown shoes.

"Hello, we're The Bears". Predictably, the opener is "Golden Brown". It quickly becomes apparent during the first verse that Chrys's nose isn't working, through possibly a cold or hayfever. After "Golden Brown" has come to a close, there seems to be some confusion onstage. The setlist has been left somewhere, so The Bears are forced to think on their feet, and immediately strike up an extremely Bearicised rendition of Radiohead's underrated "In Limbo". "You're living a fantasy world" croaks Jestico-Fear, which was to summarise the mood of the rest of the evening.

"I've noticed there is a really odd atmosphere in the sky when The Bears come to town. People seem to disappear inside themselves when we play; they can't tell whether we're serious or mocking something, talented or terrible, good or evil, so they just think to themselves." - C. Jestico-Fear.

After "In Limbo", we are introduced to The Bears' new toy. "This is The Bearmachine... it does most things". With Chrys playing a tinkly sound on the Bearmachine and Matthew-James striking some abrasive dirtyrockchords, The Bears play a song called "Big Boots". It is during "Big Boots" that I wonder if The Bears choose coversongs on lyrics alone: "If you come home, I'll bake you a cake made of all their eyes. I wish you could see me dressed for the kill. What a nasty surprise. You're my man o'war. The worms will eat you whole" croons Jestico-Fear in a homosarcastic falsetto tone. The tune is catchy in part and chaotic in others. The overall tone is one of an eternal party where the sky is falling in and crustaceans are on the menu. What a nasty surprise.

It has been made public knowledge that The Bears have recorded a cover of Radiohead's "Kid A" (the song), so it comes as a nice surprise when the Bearmachine produces the opening clanking sounds, bringing an air of peace to the garden. It is at this point that The Bears seem to be beginning to enjoy themselves, perhaps assisted by the fact that "Kid A" is a comfortable, likable and easy song to play. Matthew-James stands peacefully in thought throughout, striking all the right notes at the perfect time which harmonise beautifully with Chrys's eased-up and softened, though distorted vocals. What is nice about The Bears' version of "Kid A" is the way that every sound is crystal clear, as opposed to other songs of theirs such as their recent "Space Song" and the legendary "Bundesdrögen". This appreciation of tranquility and clearness rears its beautiful head twenty minutes later with "You and Whose Army?". Very few people seem to enjoy "Kid A", which is a shame, but it is probably due to most of the audience being unfamiliar with its grace.

"I hate the way people enjoy songs they know more than ones they don't; it's like racism, isn't it." - C. Jestico-Fear.

After the gentleness of "Kid A" comes the classic Bearssong, "Bundesdrögen". "This song is about meat products". With its stark and abrasive crunching opening bars and animal-based lyrics, ("Within the networks the creatures are breathing / Inside your lungs the crustaceans are breeding / I see them / I see them."), "Bundesdrögen" goes down a bit of a stormer, eventhough it is clearly not as clear and well defined as it was at the "Friday the 4th of March" gig, [which was actually on Friday the 14th of March - a ploy used to keep people The Bears didn't like away from the concerto].

The subject of people "not understanding" is something one feels The Bears could go on about for years. Their lack of applause is legendary, their musical intentions are oblique if not abstract, and their seeming enjoyment of their own concerti is wildly disproportionate to that of their audiences. In a recent interview, I suggested to them that they are mistaking unpopularity for lack of understanding.

Phyl Taernvulle: You play to small audiences, don't do big functions, organise your own gigs sometimes at two days notice, and don't like playing to people you don't like. Is there an element of elitism in The Bears, or is it that no-one you don't know really wants to see you?
Matthew James Paish: The Bears' fans are usually philosopher kings, and that is why few people understand the nature of The Bears.
Chrys Jestico-Faer: HAHAHA! That's right. I can't believe our third member was Plato and he died in a carcrash!
PT: Are you uncomfortable infront of strange people?
CJF: In real life, no, but onstage it can be embarrassing for everyone if they don't "get it". They think we're crap and we think they're stupid. It does have its advantages, such as when we played at the Children in Need show, when people took us as they would take any other school band. The best thing to do in such a situation is to try and scare them.
PT: A bit like a potato that tastes of faeces?
CJF: No, you don't understand, that would be unpleasant. If we're going to use analogies, then I suppose The Bears are to music what motorway maintenance is to the government. Other bands are like cars and lorries, some are big, some are small, but they're all just driving around for their own aims and pleasure. Nobody enjoys digging roads up; only a chap's mates would go and watch him do that, but it's probably fun for them to watch him using a big drill. That's what it's like for The Bears when they play; it's a loyalty thing. It's a You're either with us or against us sort of mentality. If you're against us, then you probably think that people who dig up roads are like people who drive on them.
PT: So the rest of the music world is crap?
CJF: Oh Hell, no. Some people are good drivers, but then, some people are good at "Lemmings", aren't they. Good for them; but people think they are being creative by accepting their facticity, and that's blind. The Bears are wildly over-ambitious, we think we are above it all and don't have to play by the rules. In a summary, we are paupers playing millionaires in paupers' clothes. Sometimes I am bleak, sometimes I am totally creative The Bears. Do you understand?
PT: Yes, but is it not that you are talking yourself up to try and be better than you really are?
CJF: You don't understand, it's not about "being better" - what is that anyway? I can play intricate guitarpieces, I can play songs that will make you sing along, I can make you dance, shake your thing, as it were. Dancing like twitching monkeys in an oven. Surely it should be more about one's mentality; what you have decided to offer the world. Here are my ideas, they come on a poorly crafted plate, but the ideas are what I want you to eat.
PT: Does Matthew-James agree with your Bearspropaganda?
CJF: That's right. Matthew-James is the philosopher king; he makes you think amazing things with his guitar. He knows chords that give you braintumours and others that could make you eat twelve mushrooms!
MJP: That's right. The only way is to force-feed them on hotdinners made in compliance with The Bears' special recipe - the recipe of musical utopia... "Musical Utopia" - NME... Couldn't believe it when I read it.
CF: HAHAHAHA! That's right, I saw that on Teletext!

An example of The Bears' crafting ideas came half way through the set, with "Karma Police". The song is stripped down to it's essentials; the guitar, the bass and the voice; all of which are rigid, fuzzy and cold, very much like a dead dog. One gets the impression that playing "Karma Police" for The Bears is very much an act of going through the motions. The audience always enjoy it [if they know it / see above], and The Bears possibly enjoy a coherant performance. The Bears obviously play some of these songs in order to promote the song itself in its original form rather than for any other purpose. This is The Bears electioneering. The same thing is done with "Just", "Creep" and "You and Whose Army?", although the latter was very pleasant standing alone; done in an electro-acoustic manner with Chrys playing some synthesized drums half way through.

A rare occurance came toward the end of the set, when a request from the audience was actually acknowledged. "Brimful of Asha", the popular Cornershop piece was played to a now-much-chirpier Lion Cottage audience.

"The only good thing about that song [Brimful of Asha] is that it's by Indians". - C. Jestico-Fear.

The Bears, however, resisted calls for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - the song which The Bears have dismissed as "for people who need to read more books". But did demonstrate that they could play the riffs.
Anyone can play Nirvana.

Phyl Taernvulle: All things considered, how would you summarize the Lion Cottage performance?
Matthew James Paish: Nice. I think we were not on top form mainly because we hadn't rehearsed certain songs enough, e.g "Big Boots", and in my opinion the lack of gain really made some of the songs weak, e.g "Big Boots".
PT: The audience seemed to actually admire you when you started to play "Paranoid Android". There was even some wooping; some of which seemed to come from your wife. Does your wife like The Bears?
M-J P: That's awesome. I wasn't expecting the middle bit of "Android" to be so loud - really made me laugh. And I remembered this morning another song we forgot to do - "Lucky". But yes, I think some people, like my wife think its all a bit of a joke. She doesn't understand."

All in all, another thoroughly enjoyable performance from The Bears. They are beginning to demonstrate an ability to think themselves better than anyone else, no matter how "good" they claim to be, and I, or anyone who listened to their big ideas, would not disagree with them.

Awesome The Bears.