Isaac looked up at me, his long pause absolutely killing me, his pathetic face disgusting me. Why the hell was I staying there? The mere sight of this bastard that used to be my brother sickened me, and now I stood there, in the ominous shadows of the boys left behind, waiting for him to tell me the only important story of his life: the Accident. I should have left. I should have told him to fuck off and left him there, never to see him again. But I couldn't. Something inside of me told me that I was going to want to hear what he had to say. Whatever. "Listen, I don't really know how to say this," he said, almost laughing at the situation. He thought this was amusing? How dare he... "I haven't spoken about it for seven years." I immediately got into his face. He wanted me there; he was the one that caused all this. How dare he ever think that he could laugh about any of this. "You try," I said with an even tone. "or I will fucking kill you." He sighed, heavily. I knew this had to be tough for him. Like I cared. "Well, that night, Zac, Taylor and I went to a party. You probably didn't know this; Mom and Dad didn't even know. We told them -" "I knew about it." Isaac looked up at me, his brows creased. Before he could even ask the question, I answered it. "You told me that night. You don't remember, do you?" He shook his head. "Can't say I do, sis." "Sis"? Since when was he allowed to call me "sis"? Goddammit, he thought I was getting chummy with him. Great. "How do you remember that little detail from seven years ago?" "Because it was important," I said, remembering the exact time and place it happened. God, I was only twelve... "Because I was supposed to..." Isaac clamped his hand over my mouth, and placed an index finger over his. "Would you be quiet!" he hissed, his eyes darting around the living room, searching for any trace of our parents hearing us. When he saw no one else in the vicinity, he removed his hand from my mouth. Good, I was just about to bite it off. "I'll tell them Ike, I swear!" I stood my ground. If they were going somewhere and they didn't invite me, I was making sure all hell was going to break loose. "I don't care if you tell them we're going out," he said. "They already know. I need you for something else." I was intrigued. I loved it when my brothers paid attention to me, Jessica Hanson, and no one else at the same time. It made me feel special. "Tay, Zac and I are going to a party tonight, and we need you to cover for us." I placed my hands on my hips in a mock stubborn stance. "Why should I do that?" Isaac sighed. He knew I was going to be difficult about this. "Mom and Dad have given us an eleven o'clock curfew, but the party lasts long after that." "So?" "So," he said, teetering on the verge of annoyed. "We told them we're just going to Mike's house until eleven. We'll need more time than that. What we need you for is to cover for us. If Mom or Dad asks where we are, you tell them -" "Ike, Ike, I know what to say," I told him. It wasn't like I hadn't done this before. "I say that you guys called already, and you're having trouble with the car. The mechanic over at the gas station says that he doesn't know how long it'll take, so you guys might be home a little late." Isaac nodded. "That way, when you come home at one in the morning -" "Try three, sweetheart." "Whatever. When you come home, you won't be in hot water 'cause you'll just say that it was car trouble." Isaac smiled. He had taught me well. "Well, it looks like you've got this all planned out," he said, grabbing his car keys from the coffee table. "So we'll just be going now -" "I don't think so. There's still the subject of what I'm gonna be paid." Did he actually think I was going to do this for free? Yeah, right. "Paid? I'm not paying you anything, girl," Isaac said, looking at me as if I told him to feed me liver. I crossed my arms across my chest, taking a stand. I wasn't going to do anything for him if I wasn't getting money. "If you don't pay me, Isaac, then I just won't do it." Isaac looked at me first, his eyes bulging slightly at the thought that I actually might not just do this as a sisterly favor, then down at the floor, contemplating my proposition. Finally, he said, "Fine. How much do you want?" "Ten bucks." "Ten dollars? No way. I'll make up my own excuse." He started for the front door, ready to just leave me out of the entire escapade, when I spoke up. "If you don't pay me to do it," I said rather loudly, so hear could hear me out before leaving. "and I will do it if you pay me, I'll tell Mom and Dad where you're really going, and that you lied to them." I heard Isaac mutter an obscenity beneath his breath, then walk back to me, defeated. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a wadded ten-dollar bill. Handing it to me, my eager hands snatching it up and shoving it into my own pocket, he said, "There. Ten bucks. Now you won't tell, right?" "Right." "Well, there was something that I didn't tell you about that party," Isaac said, his voice taking on years that I never knew he had lived through. It was so pitiful... "What was it?" He sighed heavily, as he had been doing for the past fifteen minutes, and looked away from me, towards the open window. He didn't want to look at me for what he had to say. If I was in his place at that time, I wouldn't want to look at him, either. But then again, I wasn't the one who was in his place. He was. "This specific party we went to that night...it wasn't the regular 'Welcome-Home-From-L.A.' party. This one wasn't for us. It...it had drugs there. Heavy drugs. And alcohol. Lots of everything. Almost everyone there had either a drink or joint in their hand." Oh no. He wasn't saying what I thought he was saying... "You had shit at that party, didn't you?" "Taylor and Zac...great brothers. They didn't have a drop of anything there. Brought up right, those two..." he was reminiscing again. And avoiding my question. I didn't like it. "Answer me, Isaac...did you take anything at that party?" "Yes, Jess. I did." I wanted to kill him right there. He actually took shit at that party, and then drove home? And to top it all off, he actually had the audacity to come home that night. What he did wasn't an accident. He was under the influence of God knows how much of God knows what, and he still drove home. Oh God, why didn't he go instead? "Now...now I only had a couple of drinks there," he stuttered, seeing the anger rising in my face. "or so I thought. I had a couple of drinks with my friends...then a couple of drinks with this hot girl I met there...then I had a couple of drinks alone..." he shrugged his shoulders in a playful matter, and smiled. Oh, did he deserve to die. "I guess you could say I was totally wasted by the time Tay and Zac dragged me out of there." "Then what happened?" Now I was angry. I didn't want to stay there any longer, or I wouldn't be responsible for what I would do to him, but I had to know more. It was crazy; I had never cared this much about my brothers before, but now I had to know everything. And Isaac was the only one who could tell me. "Well, Taylor and Zac saw how much I had been drinking, and they decided at eleven that we should have gotten out of there, no matter what time the party ended. Since I was in no condition to drive, Taylor insisted on driving. But you know how I am with my car, Jess." I did. "I won't let anyone drive it, especially Tay. I wanted it back in one piece." He laughed under his breath, remembering that night. "I didn't know how drunk I was. So I thought that I would be a better driver that night than Taylor." The realization hit me. My eyes widened, and I said, "So you started driving home instead of Tay." "Yeah Jess, I did." His voice sounded harsh, and he knew what he had done. Good. I was starting to wonder if it had ever occurred to him. "And you were drunk." "Yeah." "And you hit the telephone pole." "I know, Jess, I know. You don't have to tell me again -" But I did. I had to say it. It was him. And I couldn't ever forgive him for any of it. "And you killed them, Ike. You killed them that night. You killed them."
mail. [email protected] � FTLOM"I'm gonna tell Mom & Dad you're going out without a bodyguard!" I yelled at my older brother.
"Yeah, Ike, I remember." How could I not? Seeing my brothers walk out the door that night, knowing that I was going to lie to my parents for them, it barely registered in my mind that that could have been the last time I ever saw them. I didn't know it then, and I guess back then I didn't care. If I was in the same circumstance now as I was then, I don't think I would ever care.
