I am a Housewife from Brentwood. My husband isn't interested in politics. I desperatly want to fight for a better future for me and my children, but I don't know how without the support my husband could offer.
It makes my blood boil to think the people of Essex are living in such hardship! Darth Bob; What can I do?
T.G. Brentwood.
I'm a sixteen year old boy, and until recently, I believed in the People's Republic.
Now, however, I'm starting to have my doubts. It seems that you don't love your people at all, your actually a power crazed fiend who would make the population live under inhuman conditions while you and the Shotgun Council grow rich and fat.
Am I right Darth Bob? Have you really got the best interests of Essex at heart?
A.M. Loughton
What a wonderful women you sound, how refreshing to know that even the middle classes are coming to our aid.
Regarding your husband - Have you considered the People's Republic of Magic Readjustment Program?
This humane treatment system isn't available in the shops, but we can send you a series of video's and other equipment that will soon have your husband pledging his loyality with the best of them. Why not involve the whole family? We offer discounted rates for children and OAP's, it could make for a fun filled six weeks!
Most important don't worry - Darth Bob loves you and He is all. Call my hotline for further information.
Oh you silly boy! It's quite natural to have these strange feelings at sixteen. Your confused, thats all.
You were considerate enough to put your address on your letter, and to show how much I care, I have sent a legion of my best goons to discuss your views with you and ensure you see sense.
Some people are scared of strong leadership, and they spread nasty rumors so people will stick with the status quo, rather than looking for something new. You don't have to worry anymore, Darth Bob will kill the pain.
And you, if you don't keep your stupid teenage hormonal drivel to yourself in future.
I am a gay man, and I'm finding it difficult to reconcile your right-wing views with my sexuality. What Should I do?
M.B. Essex
Fed up paying taxes?
Want to form your own independence movement?
Need to improve your people skills?
In love with the wrong person?
Get the family involved!
Need to hire some goons?
How do I join the Shotgun Council?
Should I start to worship Darth Bob as the true God?
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Yes.
Nothing makes me angrier than being accused of racism or sexism or for that matter, any other kind of 'ism'.
Let me make this quite clear. I believe in the repression of men and women equally. It doesn't matter if you are Gay or Straight, White or Black, Rich or Poor. In the People's Republic everyone will be equal. They will be my slaves.