21st Century Barbie Dolls

BARBIE DOLLS FOR THE 21st Century
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Here are some ideas expressed on the internet for 
Barbie Dolls for the aging U. S. population.

Find one you can relate to.

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of 
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors 
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton 
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops 
of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with 
handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels 
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy 
tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps 
with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on 
the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support 
panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto 
heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's 
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice 
stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky 
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin 
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a 
cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off 
her old high school megaphone to root for her kids,
"Babs" and "Ken, Jr" (yes, Barbie finally married Ken). 
Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. Uh oh! Barbie thinks that 
it's time to ditch Ken. Barbie thinks she needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor
ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new 
red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. 
Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's 
house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught 
up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps 
instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to 
meetings religiously. Come with a little copy of The Big 
Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants 
when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries 
a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch 
watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes
with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus, the book "Getting 
In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

Document transcribed on August 18, 2001

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