Subject: Doomed Through Stupidity
Date: Sat, 7 Jul 2001
In case you needed further proof that
the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are
some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion...)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As surely as night follows day ...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope this is true...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what other kind of use?!?)
On a Japanese made food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious what "the other use" is.)
On Sainsbury's brand peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
[This is a good consumer tip, however. It helps teach the children
the difference between reality and fantasy.]
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do! not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?
[End of document]
July 8, 2001