Subject: Fw: Doomed Through Stupidity 

Date: Sat, 7 Jul 2001 17:01:21 -0500 

In case you needed further proof that
the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are
some actual label instructions on consumer goods. 

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." 
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) 

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! 
No purchase necessary. Details inside." 
(The shoplifter special) 

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." 
(And that would be how ...?) 

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." 
(But its "just" a suggestion...) 

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom): 
"Do not turn upside down." (Too late!) 
<DIV></DIV>&gt; 
<DIV></DIV>&gt;On Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." 
(As surely as night follows day ...) 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." 
(But wouldn't this save me more time?) 

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or 
operate machinery after taking this medication." 
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents 
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.) 

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." 
(One would hope this is true...) 

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." 
(As opposed to what other kind of use?!?) 
On a Japanese made food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." 
(I gotta admit, I'm curious what "the other use" is.) 

On Sainsbury's brand peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." 
(Talk about a news flash.) 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, 
eat nuts."  (Step 3: Fly Delta.) 

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable 
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.) 
[This is a good consumer tip, however. It helps teach the children 
the difference between reality and fantasy.]

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do! not attempt to stop chain with your hands or 
genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?

[End of document]