Date: Wednesday, 18 Jul 2001
Subject: (JOKE) If computer viruses could think, they would
want to be this smart

Somebody sent this to me in email. I think it is very funny.
============================================================
> Subject: The Mother of All Viruses
>
> If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it 
> immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is 
> pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your 
> hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks 
> within 20 feet of your computer.
> 
> It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. 
> It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the 
> tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to 
> scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your 
> phone to auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's
> number.
> 
> This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It 
> will drink all your beer. (Man, are you listening?) It
> will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are 
> expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair 
> (hair removal lotion) and your Nair with Rogaine, all the 
> while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back 
> and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa (or Discover
> or Diner's Club or Mastercard or American Express) credit
> card.
> 
> It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in 
> a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will 
> rewrite all your backup files, changing all your active 
> verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
> misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of 
> key sentences.
> 
> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 
> environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave 
> your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full 
> bathtub. It will not only remove the "forbidden to remove" 
> tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill 
> your skim milk carton with whole milk.
> 
> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows ME/2000 or
> XP Environment, FED-EX will arrive at your door to ship 
> your entire computer system to the International Space
> Station.
>
> **WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**
> And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20
> seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm, 
> shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks, that 
> will set fire to the person nearest you.
> 
> Send send send send send.

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