Told By Ammar
Our love story began in a very uncommon way. It probably began long before that fateful day 22nd January 2001, but there is no denying that was a hallmark day.
I was recently admitted in the University and the internet technology was newly introduced in the city. I just logged on to the internet on a cold evening of January with a cup of coffee in my hands. After checking my mail box, something though did compelled me to visit MIRC and did compel me to go to the channel #USA. God only knows why I did. (And yes He does know why). I found many interesting people there and chatted for a long time with so many of them. There I found the true Love of my life which I never had known before. Joan and me talked for a while but the conversation did not last more than traditional hello...hi... asl?...what u do?....hobbies and interests etc. But we finally exchanged our e-mail addresses and said Good Bye to each other. That evening I wrote her an e-mail, told her something about myself in detail, sent my picture and asked her to do the same.
How anxious I was!...This is the exact feeling I had all over me when I e-mailed you first...not knowing what will happen next. One thing's clear though, that I was only interested in meeting a friend on-line...a nice friend whom I can share things comfortably with.....just about anything.
Then the next day as I was checking my mail, I found the first response from a girl named Janice. Her name was kind of catchy...why? I don't know...What more? She's a Korean...a young Christian 18 years old. Okay...wait a second, she was a total dumb. Does she ever know who she is talking to? She may be talking to someone about her age but definitely more mature than her mental approach...her new friend on-line is a handsome university student and a Pakistani.
Joan Seva Centena, what an interesting name and truly she is. It was fun reading her e-mail that told about her interests in life that are same as mine: reading, writing, listening to music, and watching movies. Have I found my twin or a female version of me?
I kept receiving responses from different women...they're just too many but there was this strong feeling telling me or my heart that I should not respond to any of them back. I doubt if I could ever share the kind of conversation as fulfilling and special as I have with Joan. So I chose not to respond them at all and continue my special friendship with this young girl in Philippines.
And as the days went on, the e-mails got longer and longer to the point of spending 3 hours a day in an Internet Cafe in order to pour out all of my thoughts, feelings and aspirations to this young woman I had found. It didn't matter at first where she was from, not at all. I just enjoyed getting to know this special woman. This woman who has been taking a bit of my heart each and every day. I hadn't expected or wanted to fall in love with someone so quickly, especially since we hadn't met each other.
Soon I found falling for her day after day and it wasn't easy though. I was scared with my feelings toward her. How can this relationship be real?....and we've only met on-line! Days, weeks, months have passed as we get closer to each other.....love was developing. But I had to question that love...was it just feelings?...Some strange feelings over the internet?
Literally speaking, the romance built over the coming weeks, e-mails after e-mails, chats after chats came as we discussed our aspirations, our goals, Our deepest feelings, and our deepest fears.
I can't believe it was getting serious but then again...I was yearning to search my heart, about my love for her.....and unconditional love that is! It's easy to love someone who is good, perfect, flawless or immaculate.
It's easy to fall for someone who has definitely a good background but this isn't the kind of love that God have for us. He loves us unconditionally....He loves us inspite of. Indeed, this is the kind of love I ever wanted to share with someone in my life. I wouldn't like wasting my life loving for the wrong reasons...yet many chose the wrong reasons...
My Joan is a Christian but she doesn't claim to be the best Christian. She has her flaws and had made decisions in the past that she may not be proud of. As often as she shared about herself....her past, present and future...yes, her hopes for the future, trust began to build up for her even more.
Honey! A few days later when we met, I looked at your photographs in an e-mail and was overcome by a strange emotion. I saw you smiling......and I saw a strange shine in your eyes.....I imagined myself being with you during those days and realized with deep feeling that I loved you even long before we had met.
When I realized that I Love her from the bottom of my heart, I decided to propose her. I sent her a cute card and asked her if she would like to marry me. At that very moment, I admit I was nervous. I was afraid that I will loose her and I didn't ever wanted to loose her. The day after, I opened my mailbox and saw two mails from her. I was worried and afraid that what will happen next? What she has to say? I opened the first mail and was a little disappointed when I saw her asking me do I really Love her?... and what type of Love this was? Was it a Love for a friend or from bottom of the heart?.... In her other mail she admitted that she loved me too and it was really from the bottom of her heart. I was overwhelmed with joy, all of my worries disappeared. My God knows how happy had I felt that moment. I found that I was completed. Yaah Honey! I always kept telling you that you have completed me and that's true.
When I daydreamed of a lifelong mate and hoped for an everlasting relationship, my young heart was filled with love toward whom?
When I read love stories and imagined myself married, who was the object of my budding adoration?
When I grew up and learned to interact with the opposite sex and thought about a future with someone to love, about whom was I thinking?
It was you. I didn't even know you, but it had been you all along.
Still The One.
Our first fight that almost tore us apart, happened in early August, 7th August it was....I remember. This was the first real test of our relationship. That day she told me that her mother asked her to stop corresponding with me. She said that she loved me but was confused what to do. I ran on her....I was hurt but I hurt her too. I was rough to her but she was rough too. Yet these are the things I like most about in a woman. I want a woman who displays her anger righteously; A woman who speaks from her mind sharply yet gracefully and that is my Honey.
We survived and moved on. And we built it slowly. With these problems behind us, we have moved on and we are building an even better relationship day by day. As I write this today, January 25th, 2002, we have completed a full year of our relationship.
At this point, I know my deepest feelings towards her. The feelings that words can't quite express, but I feel when I hear her voice, when I hear her say she loves me. God's hand has truly been involved in this relationship. She is the woman I have been looking for, but didn't know I was.
We are not a perfect couple so to speak and thank God we are not! But we truly are made for each other. We have made this commitment to do our best, keep trying our best and allow God to work on poor areas of our relationship....Yes, He is allowed to do anything in this relationship. Either he bind, distract or break us....let it be for His glory.
Nothing is so painful than finding yourself loving the wrong person so they say......but let me allow to share my own view...."Nothing is even more painful than loving the right person in your life..." but a good pain that is! It allows you to grow, be unselfish and bring out the best in you.
Why it's so easy to doubt our feelings with the "right one" when problems or disappointments occur? Oh how I realized that pain is part of a good and lasting relationship.
Yes, I will marry her with my whole heart and soul. Our love story began before we've ever existed in this lifetime and yes, it will have no ending.
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