Princess Anne vicious savaging of a Pensioner after the Church Service at Sandringham is now alleged to have been caused by her anger at being seated next to a Princess Di look a like." It gave her a real effing turn"!" said Mr Arthur Crown who was in the congregation. The as yet unnamed middle aged woman wearing a gorgeous purple tiara left the church under the Archbishops surplice via the Crypt after the rest of the party had left to return to Sandringham for the annual breakfast of a fry up and a can of lager each.
	Knight into Day- by Connie Linguss The fabulous Tamara Knight is rumoured to be making a comeback in a movie to be directed by her husband Adolph Ucker and produced by Joe Kerr. "Tamara has of recent years been more at home with cellulite rather than celluloid" said her ex-agent Madge Oliker.The Film is reputed to be loosely based on the life story of Doris Day. We say set 'em up Joe there's gonna be a lot of dead wood on stage.
Bird Man of Bristol Backs Blair by Political Correspondent Eva Bustard Tony Blair was reported to be more boss eyed than usual last week when it was rumoured that Bristol pensioner Douglas Nicholls was to replace Alistair Campbell as Election mastermind next month after submitting his extensive range of campaign posters to David Blunkett. " I am gutted !" said Mr Campbell. Mrs Win Nicholls said " Hopefully it will mean that Doug will be too busy to feed his feathered friends -I feel like I'm an extra in Hitchcocks "The Birds" at the moment" .

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