McNAIR ACADEMIC HIGH SCHOOL/JERSEY CITY

"I have always dated in and out of my race. I dunno, I used to get teased a lot. Like my friends would make fun of me. They'd say, "Heather, oh my God. She'll never go out with a white guy." But, in all eventuality, I found one I like. But I think that, like, my parents had a big problem with it. Well, my mom didn't care because she's dated outside of her race, and she's fine...And my father--forget it. He had a big, big problem with it. And on, like, his side of the family, he never, like, forbid me to be with them or anything, but he would make all kinds of, like, really cruel remarks. Like, my boyfriend was black and he would make like watermelon and KFC [Kentucky Fried Chicken] jokes. And I would be like, "Dad, this really isn't funny."

I see a lot of people talking about cultural differences, but if someone would say to me, "Oh, you can't marry him; he's black," I'd be like, "What are you talking about? I have better things to worry about." Like, I never take the cultural difference really seriously because I think if you really love someone, it doesn't matter."

"I have never, like, dated outside my own race. I wouldn't say that I would never do it, but at this point I would say that I wouldn't try it because I guess I would feel, like, out of place.

You know, you go and meet their mother or whatever and you're, like, the only different one. I don't know if the other person would feel the same way, but I don't like to feel out of place."

"I never really dated outside of my race until recently. I'm Puerto Rican; Rames is my boyfriend--well, my "friend" to my parents and my family. When I mentioned the fact to my parents that I had an Egyptian "friend" and they thought we were spending a lot of time together, my mom was okay with it, but no one in my family ever dated outside their race. Everyone in my family has dated and has married a Puerto Rican; everyone has stayed in their culture. My mom was okay, but my father had somewhat of a problem, just with the fact that he's not Hispanic, period. My father feels like his babies, his daughters, should date and eventually marry an Hispanic. He's also very old-fashioned. He was brought up and raised in Puerto Rico, strong background.

Rames, fortunately, he met my parents. My parents love him to death. Everything has worked out okay, cool. I have not met his father yet, which--his father is, I guess you could say, a little like my father, like, whoa, bothered. But I'm glad I've dated him. I've learned a lot about different cultures and I'm happy. My parents have that strong background, but not me. And if I were to have a child, I wouldn't want to tell them, "Well, listen, you know, you're limited to dating within your race"--no. No, I'd let them choose."

"My mother met her, and she loves her. She approves of her, like me dating an Hispanic, cause I've dated outside my race before; I've only dated one person in my race--by that, I mean Egyptian. Arab, Egyptian. So, my parents approve. Well, she hasn't met my father yet, but my mom loves her to death. So there's no problem at home."

"I've dated inside and outside of my race and, like, in my younger days, when I was in grammar school, I would have been one of the ones teasing Kenye about having Heather come down the street. Hey, I'm just telling you the truth. And also, I was very, like, narrow-minded; I would have not dated anybody outside my race. But when I came into this school--like, I think if I went to other schools, I think I would still be narrow-minded. But when I came into this school, I met a particular "friend," and we've dated ever since our freshman year. He's Guyanese--Hispanic/European background--and his parents, they didn't approve of me...[but] they had to accept me, I guess.

And my mother, she, like, accepted it; she didn't so much care. 'Cause, like, when I was younger, she was like, "Oh, you'll always date a black person or a Puerto Rican when you get older." But when she met him, she was alright with it--as long as I don't bring home nobody white, I guess.

And me and him, like, we have a culture clash in our relationship. He's always telling me that I have no culture...I'm African American, but I don't know. American is the only culture that I have ever known. I feel that black people have lived in America so long that they don't have any culture. Like everybody else here speaks another language. I don't know another language that I have. My grandmother could never tell me anything about Africa. She's never been to Africa, didn't want to go to Africa--she thinks they live in, like, wild bushes."

"The first person I ever dated was Italian, but you couldn't tell that she was--she acted very Hispanic. She wasn't trying to pass, it was just that she'd been around Hispanics, so she acted Hispanic. And I think that that was very influential, you know; probably if she didn't then I maybe wouldn't have gone out with her. My parents just said, "Oh, you know, it's just somebody he's gonna see." My parents--I don't think my parents--no, they don't approve of me being with somebody of another culture, but in the end they want to see me with somebody who's Puerto Rican. And the thing is, I think I do, too. I think I'd prefer to be married to somebody who's Puerto Rican, but if it doesn't happen that way, I'm not gonna get all bent outta shape. You know, because love is not a matter of culture anymore. So, I wouldn't let it get in the way.

I think that when you have interracial couples and then you have a child, somehow it almost makes it harder for him to grow up into two cultures. Like, I'm not saying it's impossible, but I know that some difficulties do come up with it. And I guess I'm proud of my Puerto Rican culture, and I'd like my child to be just as proud, and not have to worry about that."

"I have dated--I think I have only dated Hispanic guys, except once I did date a white male, I guess--a white guy. And it was very different because I had gotten so used to going out with Puerto Rican guys. We have a similar language, they know how to dance. Like, the white guy that I had gone out with, he didn't have like the same characteristics, the same character. And I didn't feel as comfortable, so I prefer just going out with Spanish guys. And my parents, I don't think they mind anyway, as long as they're not black."

"Like Heather, I have dated inside and outside of my race [sees herself as black]. My first, like, two, three boyfriends were Hispanic males. And my mom was like, they're so cute, da da da. But, like, my extended family was really bothered by it. "Are you ever gonna date somebody who's black?" Or, "You have something racist against black people." And then when I finally did get an African American boyfriend, my mom flipped out. "Oh, no, you can't date him." And I guess it was more of the life he led and his family. Like, he loved his grandmother but he didn't like anybody else in his family. And, so, then she decided that she didn't like him.

And then my freshman year in high school I dated a senior who was also Guyanese [of Indian background], and that was a big deal--not only because of his age, but because of, like, where he was from and everything like that.

His parents didn't like me at all. Well, his mom, she loved me, but his dad was like, "Oh, no, you can't date a black girl. Black people, da-da-da-da-da, they're dirty, they're this, they're that. The people in [my] neighborhood, I don't know that they were, like, ever around the people that I dated 'cause I never brought them around. Those people, 'cause I know how they act--you know, it's like, you don't think that those people [that you date] should have to deal with that. It's not like they were their friends, and we weren't all that close.

But my boyfriend now, he's Dominican and his mom loves me. And I guess it's because I look like him. We pass for brother and sister, so she identifies with me more. And I appreciate her. And they're teaching me, they're re-teaching me Spanish, 'cause I kind of forgot."

UNIVERSITY HIGH SCHOOL/LOS ANGELES

"Actually, my parents are kind of okay about [interracial dating]. It's not normal for a Persian girl to go out with a black person or any other person out of their race, but for me, I've talked to my parents about it and, umm, as long as they're Jewish, they're fine. It doesn't matter what race they are, I personally I don't care what race they are, it's the person inside that counts to me."

"I would date a black girl...[but] my parents wouldn't agree to it. I don't know; it would all depend--my brother had a Filipino girlfriend, but it's different. My friends--I think they would just reject me. I think that's how it would be. I have friends who would accept it; I have other friends who are just against it. I mean, they don't like interracial relationships. I think in this school, you don't do that. I have never seen that-well, I have seen a couple-three or four, maybe. I think a lot of people don't do it because it will go against what their friends'll do, or what their friends will say. It will just go against what they were taught at home. Like, my parents would never allow it, for me to have a girl of the black race.

If I suddenly fell in love with a black girl, I think I would feel like any other guy who had fallen in love with anybody else."

"I haven't heard that [interracial dating is] a problem at Uni. But on the other hand I don't always see that many interracial couples. I think that it is something that is growing to be more acceptable. But I still hear some people say that it is okay, but "I still want to be with my culture."

Personally, it doesn't matter as long as you connect with that person. It's all that matters. The skin... You can get caught up in boundaries. That's just where the person is at. If they're not allowing themselves to get close to a person of another race, that's just their loss. I'm just trying to keep my mind open."

"Well, I have a[n African American] friend...and she dates this guy and he's Hispanic. I don't think there's too much--well, I haven't heard too many problems with it at all. But I think nowadays it's more open than a long time ago, but now people don't--now we don't really care who does and doesn't date who. Especially high school, they don't really care about it; it's more like, what he said she said...You have to pay a price with anybody you date, personally, in my opinion. I mean, you just have to know that if you really love that person."

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