Mama: "And that"s why we should ALWAYS lock the door!"
Papa, Brother & Sister: **dejected** "Yes, mama."
**doorbell rings. Mama opens the door**
lady: "Hello, I am Mrs.Tumultuous and we are hosting a pot luck fundraiser for the recently collapsed PBP's, home of the pre-made peanut butter & pickle sandwich shop, which finally decayed after all these years."
Papa: "PBP's is gone??!"
Brother: "Wasn't PBP's built on top of a county dump & infested with pigeons and rats?"
Sister: "Sounds pretty stupid to me!"
Mrs. Tumultuous: "annnnnnnyway, we'd would just absolutely LOVE IT if you'd donate $120 each and volunteer 14 hours a day for the next 8 days to get the PBP's right back where it belongs!"
Mother: "um, I'm not sure we can make it..."
Mrs. Tumultuous: "PBP's is just SO IMPORTANT to the people and everybody else is doing SO MUCH."
Mama: "I think we have some prior commitments that we REALLY can't get out of, and.."
Mrs. Tumultuous: "..Farmer Bob is going to be there, Pastor Dan will be matching blood donations with his own blood, "One Legged" Jimmy will be running in the 5K run...."
Mama: **getting annoyed** "I just don't think we can make it."
Mrs. Tumultuous: "...we are all going to be working from 6am straight till 8pm, working tirelessly without breaks and..."
Mama: **pissed** "Alright, FINE! We'll be there!!!" **slams door**
Mama: **growls** "I can't stand the overbearing pushiness & intrusiveness of some people!!"
Brother: "Way to cave in to threatening guilt tactics, Mama."
Papa: "Well I guess I won't be eating deep fried salmon 'n chips & chugging Bear Beer on the couch this weekend."
4 days later.
The Berenstain Bears arrive at what once PBP's, and see many tables of food and an empty bare stage around the rubble.
Mrs. Tumultuous **approaches**: "Oh Papa Bear, we NEED you to build our props for our play!"
Papa: **shrugs** (reluctantly) "Sigh. Alright."
Mrs. Tumultuous: "Mama, we need you and your cubs to help cook, prepare and serve the food for all 200 of our volunteers!!"
Mama: "Oh greeeeeeeeat."
3 very long and tiring hours later.
Sister: "I can't feel my arms anymore!"
Brother: "I am so god damned tired!"
Mama: "Brother!! Well we can't stop now, I need more help preparing the dishes!"
Papa **approaches**: "and I need help building the stage & props! It seems like I'm the only one here who knows how to pound in a damn nail with a hammer!"
Brother: "Why in the hell are we even doing this? It's not like we even NEED the fucking store! And their sandwiches are awful!"
**both Papa & Mama look at Brother**
Papa: "Well we all just can't back down. Everyone is counting on us! We made a promise!"
Mama: **winches** "arrrrrrrgh my back!!!"
Papa: **hand brushes pocket** "oops! I forgot to give them our $480 donation!"
Brother: **drools** "Look at all of our money!!" **drools**
Mama: "Oh dear, what should we do?"
Brother: "There's only one logical thing to do."
Brother: "....say "fuck you" to everyone and screw everyone over."
**pause**
Sister: "Yeah, let's quit. This is too much work, anyway."
Mama & Papa agree, and the Berenstain Bears drop whatever they're holding and storm out while muttering various remarks and profanities.
-o-
The Berenstain Bears are back home sitting in the den.
Brother: "Hahaha, boy am I glad we're not at that stupid fundraiser!"
Sister: "Why should stupid people benefit from our hard work??"
Mama: "Those things are so stupid, anyway. "Oh here, you must try my crappy cloves 'n vinegar salad!" I mean, who in the hell in their right minds would like that crap??"
Brother: "Hey, guess what! I'm bored! But at least I'm not at that stupid pot luck fundraiser!"
**everyone laughs**
Mama: "I"m just sitting here, knitting a scarf that I'm not even going to wear because it's turning out so poorly, but at least I'm not at that fundraiser!"
**everyone laughs**
Papa: "I'm about to take a nap! I'm not tired, but at least I'm not at that fundraiser!"
**everyone laughs**
Mama: "Let's break out the vodka and honey squares!!"
2 festive hours later.
Sister **hyper from all of the sugar** : "Isn"t it funny the way we ditched everyone and screwed them over?!!!!"
**everyone laughs**
Brother **also hyper from the sugar** "You know who's having fun because they're not at the pot luck? "Us!"
**everyone laughs**
Papa: **stands up & drunkenly preaches** "We are having SO much FUN and it's ALL because WE got the HELL out of that STUPID pot luck for jerks!"
**everyone laughs**
Mama: **drunken giggles** "I'm going to say something, and I'm not going to care about my reputation or my grammar or if any townsbear is listening, But I think most of the people in this town are total paltry trivial rude idiots!!"
**everyone laughs** **laughing ensues all through the night at the Bear house.**
END