| Vulgar Masterpiece Cartoon Theatre presents......Berenstain Bears in......
"Papa's Ordeal" Family is sitting in the family room. Papa puts down newspaper. Papa: "You know, Brother and Sister Bear, you should be outside getting fresh air and exercise." Brother: "Oh come on! But it's so cold out! We don't have anything to do!!" Papa: "oh for god's sake! I'll go with you and we'll find something!" **throws newspaper** **everyone puts on their coat & scarves and steps outside** Brother: "You know, I don't understand why we have to wear clothes. I mean, we're bears with thick fur." Papa: "oh shut UP! Must you bitch about everything?!" Sister: "jesus, Papa sure is moody!" Papa: "I am not MOODY, god damn it!! My blood-sugar levels are dropping! I need some fucking honey! Grrrr!!!" **Papa begins swinging his fists in rage** "There's gotta be some fucking honey around here!!" **The Bears go for a stroll and wander into the Park** Papa: "Say, do you hear that? It sounds like humans having a picnic!" Brother: "Papa, didn't you always say to leave the humans alone?" **Papa goes running up to the two humans and begins mauling them** Papa: "Roar!! ROAR!!!!" **knocks a human's head off with his claws** Sister: "Papa! Stop it!! You're harming the humans!" Papa: "I NEED SUGAR!!!!! ROAR!! ROAAAAAR!!" **rips the last shreds of the humans** Papa: "Ooooo! White Castles with cookies and soda!" Brother: "....can we have some?" Papa: "No-ROAR!!!!!!" **takes a swing at Brother Bear & gobbles all the food up** Sister: "Those poor humans." Papa: "They can go to hell! Lousy fucking polluters! Think they can stroll around in their 4-wheelers and build their fucking roads with their mini-malls!" **Brother and Sister Bear stare in disbelief** Papa: **now content** "Ooooof! Ooomf! Oh that feels better... what a sugar buzz. You see kids, with our claws, we weren't made just to eat fruits and berries." Sister: "Oh I see." Papa: **Farts** "Oh, those damn White Castles and their greasy pickles. It's given me the 'bear-toots'!" Papa, Brother and Sister Bear: "Haha haha ha!" Papa: "Oh I need to find me a good tree to poop on. **spots one** Ah, that one will do!" **walks over to the tree and begins rubbing ass against the trunk** Papa: "Who needs toilet paper when you got a tree to wipe your ass with? Hahaha!" Brother: "That's not very sanitary, Papa." Papa: "Shut the fuck up, you! We're bears! **gets frustrated & furious and begins pounding chest and screaming** We're king of the Forest!!! We're fucking bears!! We RULE! We rule the whole god dam.." **gunshot** "AHHH!!" **drops dead** **Brother and Sister Bear go off running** And Papa Bear never harmed another human ever again. END 10/06/04 |
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