Written by yours truly. 6-23-03
It was a bright Sunday afternoon and Porter's parents took him to Arby's in downtown. Porter was just a stupid smartassed shitfaced brat in the 7th grade. Porter refused to eat any fast food but McDonalds. His parents, the self-righteous aristocrats they were, forever were boycotting McDonalds for its crappy meat that changes color and flavor from leaving the grill in 10 minutes and Carp Fish meat they put in the Fish-o-Filet sandwich. Porter walked into his first Arby's that day with his parents, and immediately began screaming and misbehaving.
"Where's the fun slide??? Where's the ball box?? WHERE WHERE WHERE WHEEEEEEEERE!!!"
Porter's mother said, "Pipe the hell down, Porter. There is no stupid playground here. Now be quiet!!"
This disciplinary action only set off Porter's building rage of bad manners and disbehavior more so. It was Sunday, so they ordered the 5 regular roast beefs for $5.95... a super deal. And to compliment this yummy meal, Porter's parents also ordered the extra large curly fries and extra large Dr Peppers. Porter's parents grabbed their tray of food, grabbed some straws, napkins, and some squeeze bottles of Arby's sauce and ketchup and found a booth.
Porter began whining, "I hate this place!!! Let's go to McDonalds!!!" but his pleads were ignored promptly. Then Porter picked up a bottle of ketchup, and began sucking on it right from the bottle.
"God damn it, Porter!! Don't put your mouth on that!!" screamed Porter's dad.
Porter's mother then said "Porter, eat your Arby's regular roast beef sandwich and be quiet!"
Porter was now boiling over in rage. His face turned a bright beet red. Porter then took the curly fry's box and dumped all the curly fries on to the table and began pounding his angry fists on them, squishing them into flat, brown lifeless smudges.
Porter's dad's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped. "God DAMN it, Porter!! That cost me $1.95!!! What the hell are you doing?!"
Then Porter began screaming while jumping up and down in his seat. "I HATE this place!! I want to go to McDonalds! I want to go there right now!! RIGHT NOW!!! I want I want I want I want ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEEE!!!"
Porter's dad was losing his patience. While gritting thru this teeth he muttered... "sit down, Porter."
Porter picked up his Arby's regular roast beef sandwich... "I'm NOT eating this!!! This place SUCKS!" and Porter ripped his sandwich to pieces and began throwing it all over the restaurant.
"That's it!" said Porter's dad. "Porter, you have defiled the good name of Arby's. From this day forward, I dub thee name "Mud" and put the Arby's curse forever on your soul!"
Porter suddenly became very quiet and the family went home.
The next day at school, Porter forgot his lunch, got beaten up by a girl, then the school bully at lunch picked up Porter and dropped him off the Jungle Gym and broke 3 of his fingers.. later during the day while screaming in class �cause of the broken fingers, Porter was escorted to the Principals office where he got expelled. Later in the afternoon, Porter went to the Park and his bicycle was stolen. And while at the park, the school bully was there to greet him, and the bully began punching Porter and broke his jaw and both of his legs. Later that night, Porter's dad sold Porter's TV, Xbox, all of his CD's and toys on Ebay to help pay for the ping pong table that would replace Porter's play area in the basement and around Midnight, Porter's mom got knocked up and 9 months later gave birth to an extremely annoying little brother who continued to annoy and inconvenience Porter for the rest of his life.
Porter never did again go to Arby's but never fully grasped the implications of his father's curse he put on Porter that fateful day in Arby's.
So send this story to 100 people in the next 24 hours to assure you'll never feel the wrath of the Arby's curse.
