| Some scenes from a 1970s show called "My 8 kids". dad: **thinking out loud to himself while at his desk at work** "Boy, having 8 kids sure is a lot of work. Of course, it makes it so much easier when you just block out the word "vacation" and you don't have a television to distract you. And having kids is so much fun! We play football in the park while risking serious injury with no health insurance. And well, since gasoline is only 50 cents a gallon and no insurance is mandatory, we're just gettin' by, plus Governor Reagan is keeping our taxes nice and low. Nobody thought we could churn out 8 kids in 8 consecutive years, but we proved them wrong!! Haha!" **goes back to work** **cut to scene in bedroom** dad: **in front of mirror putting on tie** "Boy I sure have a lot of bills to pay. I don't know how I support these 8 kids with my meager newspaper editor salary. I sure wish "love" paid the bills. Today's generation has it so lucky." **cut to scene in car** dad: **talking to himself while driving around town** "Man I have so much to do today. I have to beg the bank to take out a 15th mortgage on the house, and I have to visit 4 clients to negotiate more delayed payment plans." **cut to scene in the kitchen** dad: **opens fridge** **says to self** Boy, it sure would be nice to have something else besides milk, pickles and peanut butter & bread around here. Oh well. I guess I just don't know any better! Haha! Of course, I haven't eaten a lunch in 20 years or have eaten a piece of non-rat meat, but it's alllllll worth it! **smiles** kid #6: **screams from upstairs** "daddddddddddddd Susan is going to a football game & a dorm party full of boys!" dad: "like HELL she is!!! Ugh! God damn it! **runs out of kitchen** **cut to a scene in the family den** kid # 5: "Why can't we have a newspaper subscription??" dad: "Because it's too expensive!" kid # 5: "But you WORK at a newspaper!" dad: "are you suggesting i STEAL a newspaper from work?? You unbelievably stupid kid!" mother: "anybody seen the olive green wood-paneled station wagon?" **cut to scene of the den late in the evening** dad: **sitting in his chair & watching the fire in the fire place** "I don't know. sometimes I get yelled at while walking down the street and get blamed for all of the over-population to the planet fueling our imminent doom. I keep telling them President Ford is going to get re-elected and will put an end to immigration so we won't have a food, oil or a job resource problem. That's what I keep telling them! We have nothing to worry about. A father knows best." **cut to different night in the den scene** dad: **sitting on the couch thinking out loud** �I don't know, having 8 kids sure is a lot of hard work and suffering. I mean, i just had these *urges* and just did what God told me to do, that's all. I sacrificed all of my youth, my freedom, my financial well-being, my credit and my happiness for these kids, and for that I shouldn't end up in Hell. I've never done anything wrong in my entire life... except for that one Tuesday where I hit the truck of puppies and kittens on the way to the post office because the house mortgage payment was due at the bank at 10am or else. I mean, I had to, otherwise we would had been screwed. I think I did the right thing. I mean, I couldn't help because when I hit it, the truck scrawled around & then went over the bridge railing and ran off the edge and fell 15 feet to the ground and blew up. It was just impossible to help the situation! Yeah, I don't think I'm going to hell.� Satan in Hell: **looking at a printout sheet** "oh ho ho ho ho ho! Don't be so sure, dumbass!" END |