| Sexual Harassment down at the Zoo By Dolph Rudager Associated Press CHICAGO - IL There has been an alarming trend going down in the Zoo industry for pretty much forever. Zoo's...or "animal prisons", have been under an evil ploy by kidnapping innocent wild animals, and throwing them into tiny confined cages to weaken their muscles and defense system. And then, they feed them crap, so they're all timid, and they've domesticated the animal, so it's all stupid, and so the keepers can grope and feel-up the animals. While this is a sickness, zoo keepers "justify" their man-handling by saying "we're doing the animals a favor, and who doesn't want to see a bear!" Oh those poor bears; sitting there on a hard, painful rock; you can almost hearing them crying from being unable to defend themselves and report the crimes done to them. And the dolphins don't look very happy. Exploiting those poor animals just for the glorification of their massive ego�. and for MONEY. And the zoo is open every day of the year. Oh that's awful, they have to endure the harsh Chicago winter. That's so cruel. Oh wait, my editor is yelling at me about something. "Libel...you can't write that..... offensive..... Something something insane..." Eh, I don't know. |
| Day 2: The Aftermath.
Comment on the Monday Dolph Rudager penned "Fuck Machine / I'm In The Church medley" lyrics: "You're not even trying anymore, are you?" Dolph: "Nope." Comment: "And the Church medley...." Dolph: " 'Bout gettin' head in Church." Comment on Wednesday's "Sexual Harassment down at the Zoo": "I can't believe you wrote that! Suggesting zoo keepers molest animals!" Dolph: "Well zoo keepers have gotten a free ride for way too long." Comment: "Shameful!" Dolph: "Eh whatever. I got a lot of shit about it. They were talking about revoking my Associated Press stature. But I told the board to 'piss off'." Comment: "How do you sleep at night!" Dolph: "How do zoo keepers sleep at night? Or those animals? Those zoos smell like shit, too. And I sleep on a bed, with blankets and a pillow. And no animals!" Dolph: "I'm working on publishing my assortment of diets: The "Where you eat whatever you want and as much as you want Diet", the "all cheeto & water Diet", the "Death Diet" and the "Batter & deep fry everything Diet." |