| **Mr. Hump enters the boardroom** Mr. Hump, speaking to his two advisors: "Man, that bitch Bartha is killin' my show. I should fire her ass. And I can because I own NBC. I'm the only thing keeping this crummy network alive." Mr. Hump: "Ok, listen up, you assholes. You're doing a horrible job, but we can work on that. Your task this week, .... .....is to design the hottest xmas toy ever seen! It's gotta be small, it must explode, it must shoot paint, it must be sharp, it's gotta be cuddly and cute with mass appeal to all ages, it's gotta slice and dice, and it's gotta have a phone & have internet access & download news && games and interact with every game console and electric product that's hot on the market. And its gotta change color depending on the mood of the user, it's gotta be anti-theft, and be cute and masculine. Then you're going test it out in the Mall, and do some consumer research. I gotta plane to catch. Get to work!" Everyone but Emma C.: "Thank you, Mr. Hump." The contestants get to work, plan out some idea and do some stuff. 2 very frantic and busy days pass, and Mr. Hump calls for an emergency boardroom meeting with the contestants. Mr. Hump: "What's wrong with you maggots??! I had to cut short my meeting! I was introducing another new pizza idea! And it was gonna make me a whole lotta money! It was a brilliant idea! But now, I come back, and I find out you destroyed the entire Mall, spent over $50 million of MY own money, crashed 4 vehicles, you failed at the task, and 17 people are DEAD." Emma H.: "Mr Hump!! Emily was being a total bitch!!" Emily R.: "That is SO not true!" Emma H.: "She is the reason we lost the task!" Emily R.: "She is too bitchy and hard to work with!" Emma H.: "She is unreasonably moody!" Emily R.: "That is SO not true!" Emma H.: "Your shoes are so ugly!" Emily R.: "Go back to State!" Mr. Hump: "I don�t want to hear it!!!! I'm sick of your meaningless petty woman bullshit!" Emily M. "Mr. Hump, the basis was we were under-staffed, under-funded, we needed more time....and." Mr. Hump: "...17 people are dead!!!!" Tim S.: "Mr. Hump, we did the best we could with the resources at hand, altho Jeff wasn't a good team player, and..." Mr. Hump: "DEAD. They're DEAD!!" Jeff: "Mr. Hump, Tim was on some kind of ego power trip, and..." Tim S.: "Oh fuck you, Jeff." Mr. Hump: "And what's this shit I'm hearing?? What the hell were you doing?? You were using MY computer to steal copyrighted material? You could go to jail for that! You're going to get fined! I'm reporting you to the FCC!! And Tim, you're fired!" Jeff: **pumps fist** "Hahaha YES!" Mr. Hump: **points finger** "Oh don't celebrate just yet, Jeff. I don't like your idea at all that the toy gave off very high levels of radiation. That would have lead to tumors and that's a company liability. Jeff, you're fired." Jeff: **slams fist on table** Emma C.: "I just wanna say, that, like, the team like, totally blackballed me and stuff...and like, they like, set me up to fail at the task and y'all." Mr. Hump: "You have the most annoying voice I have ever heard in my life. It pains me to my stomach when I hear you talk. I just wanna build a sound-proof booth around you! And as for the rest of you, nobody seems to care that 17 people are DEAD." Emma M.: "You are SO the weakest link on the team, Emma!" Emma C.: "Fuck you, Emma!" Emma M.: "Fuck you, Emma!" Emma C.: "You are such a bitch!" Emma M.: "You are so manipulative, bitchy, controlling, you don't work well with anyone and nobody likes you!" Emma C.: "Your presentation was horrible! Your focus was so lost, and.." Emma M.: "You weren't a team player! You probably slept your way to the top, didn't you!" Emma C.: "So what?!" Emma M.: "None of your ideas were any good, and..." Mr. Hump: **stands up** "Alright!! That's it!!! I'm sick of this shit! I'm fucking shutting this shit down! You're all fired! Get out of my sight! You people make me sick! You shouldn't be allowed to breed, let alone run a company! **looks at camera** Screw you, NBC. I'm done with this train wreck." **slams door** Voice-over: "Tune in next year for the next season with all-new episodes of The Apprentice..on NBC!" |