| Here is the infamous "most offensive thing I have ever written" script. Inspiration for this came from a scene I saw on "Everybody Loves Raymond" tonight, where I took an actual moment, and made it up from there. Those familiar with the show will get the subtle name references. I tested this out on a select loving group of people, and apparently it didn't shock any of them at all. I was trying to shock and be as offensive as possible, but to no avail. I sure have a lot of Liberal friends. But here it is anyway. -o- The Stalone family enters a church where a funeral of a distant relative is taking place. Wife: "I still can't believe your mother isn't talking to you." Raul: "I know, I mean, I should be higher than a pilot, but I'm not. oh there she is." **approaches mother** Raul: "hey mommmmmmmm, hey mommmmmmm, hey.. **mother walks away** "ok you walk away." old man: **smugly walks up to Raul** "christ almighty should you give a rat's ass about your mother!" Raul: **smiles** "hehehe eh fuck you." old man: "What did you say?!" Raul: **smiles** "fuck you!" old man: "You can't talk to me that way!" Raul: "Can...... and did. "fuck...youuuuuuuuuuuuu!" old man: "I outta box your ears!" Raul: "fucccccccck youuuuuuuu!" old man: "You can't do that!" Raul: "oh fuck you, old man!" old man: "I'm gonna stop you, Big Nose!" Raul: **smiles** "Heh! Me first!" **punches old man in the nose** old man: "what the hell!" Raul: "Again!" **punches again** "I'll break it 6 ways to Sunday! ..whatever that means." old man: **winces with pain** "oooooh godddd" **face & hands become stained with blood** Raul: "hahaha yeah!" **dances like a joker & claps** old man: "You son of a bitch! I fought in WWII & Korea, man!" Raul: "ooooo pawn in the war pig machine! You were just the Government's patsie....! Took it square in the ass like a woman! You wasted your time! Suckerrrrrrrrrrrr!" old man: "I can't believe this!" **fuming mad as hell** Raul: "That's riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! you know what I can't believe? I can't believe I haven't punched you a 3rd time!" **punch** old man: "owwwwwwwwwww!" **falls to knees** Raul: "soldier's don't crrrrrrrrry, soldier's don't crrrrrrrrry. Hahahaha!" Raul's wife: "what....the hell are you doing..." **watches** Raul: "just stickin' it to the man." Raul: **back to the old man** "War is stupid! War sucks! Nobody respects what you're doing! You're wasting our tax payer money! Stop wasting our money! Get over yourselves! Boooooooo!.... where's our free oil?? You people make me sick! Go to hell! You people and your business destroy families and ruin lives! You ruined our lives! All of our lives!" old man: "You got a lot of nerve...! how DARE you! How fucking DARE YOU!" Raul: **mockingly starts flapping arms like a chicken** "Oh, "I need two fucking holidays to show how my stupid legs got shot off!" It's you're own stupid god damn fault!" old man: "god, boy... you're dead. DEAD!" Raul: "war pig! oinnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!" old man: "I put my life on the line for Pinko Commies like you!!!" Raul: "Nobody respects what you did! Nobody cares, man. NOBODY! Suck it!" old man: **to Raul's mother** "Look what your piece of shit son did to me, Louise!" Raul's mother: "I see you, Hank." **turns around and looks the other way from Raul's presence** Raul: "dead souls for nothing, man." ** Raul & wife walk away" Raul's wife: "I must say, I have never seen you act that way before! And I gotta be honest.. I'm extremely shocked! but I'm very impressed by the way you stood up to your father! And I find it rather sexy, roarrrr!" **grabs arm & begins groping it** Raul: "eh whatever. I voted for Bush." Raul & wife leave the room. fade out writer's commentary: Well we sure had a lot of good 'ol fun writing this. If you're writing for a sitcom, don't be afraid to push across some offensive messages and horrible story lines, and downright blasphemous behavior that would land most people in jail or incite protests, because you can always use the last 10 seconds of the show to say "Just kidding!" |