Some Things You Don't Know About Me

Some things you don't know about me:

1. I have never had Nyquil, corned beef, a corn dog, sushi, malt liquor or any illegal drug.
2. I do not snore.
3. I fart a lot.
4. I have never attended a concert nor do I have any desire to listen to new music.
5. I was never baptized.
6. I haven't drawn a cartoon in over 6 years after drawing almost every single day for 12+ years.
7. I like cheese and potatoes, but not together. I also do not like & will not drink wine.
8. I do not celebrate my birthday because I feel embarrassed to be the center of attention.
9. I have no desire to gamble.
10. I own a flask but have never used it.
11. Nobody has seen me sneeze in 18 years. Why? Because my eyes water up and mucus flows like a river from my nose. Recovery time is between 5 to 10 minutes.
12. I have never owned a cell phone.
13. I have never used a non-electric face shaver.
14. My favorite smell is blue liquid clothes washing detergent.
15. I never played with action figures as a child. They're dolls, people!
16. I hate clothes shopping and do it maybe once a year.
17. I haven't been to a movie theatre since summer of '01.
18. I don't know how to ice skate but want to learn how some day. Same with golf.
19. I own only one DVD (set) and one movie on VHS.
20. I have never attended a basketball game.
21. I can not jump very high at all.
22. I once lost over 55 pounds in a span of 4 months and didn't even notice.
23. I once drank a whole pot of coffee at 10pm and stayed up until 11am.
24. I have slept every single day of my life.
25. I haven't played the lottery since I was 10 (very illegal, I know)
26. I hate getting haircuts.
27. I was 6' 4" & 145 pounds at one point in my life.
28. I pick my nose a lot in private (tho usually with a napkin)
29. In the last 3 Presidential elections, I have voted for every candidate I could of one party.
30. I cut my fingernails once a week and my toenails every 4 weeks.
31. I bat, open, cut & mouse-click right-handed, but throw and write left-handed.
32. I once went thru a toll-booth without paying.
33. I grew 14" in 3 years. I got a lot of foot and leg cramps.
34. Careers I wanted in my lifetime: meteorologist, cartoonist, actor on SNL, baseball player, politician, radio talk show host, logo designer.
35. I was 22 1/2 years old before my first beer.
36. As of the moment, I have no desire to have kids.
37. Secretly wishes the NFL would dissolve.
38. It takes me 20 minutes to 3 hours to fall asleep.
39. I took piano lessons for 2 years, yet never learned anything. Musically, I'm completely inept.
40. I am allergic to bee, hornet and wasp stings
41. I always pick up carry-out/take-in food, I never get it delivered.
42. I really don't care for bbq sauce or pork products.
43. I speak 1 language.
44. Involved in various boycotts like McDonlds, Best Buy, The Simpsons
45. I am polite, hold doors open for people all of the time, let people in on the road and use manners. But I can't get along with most people and they piss me off.
46. I don't trust anyone who doesn't curse
47. I don't believe in frying or microwaving things. I'd rather grill it or bake it.
48. I didn't try pizza until my 9th birthday.
49. I used to hate onions and refused to eat them. Now i can't get enough of them
50. I have never dyed my hair
51. I don't like long sleeves. They're either too long and baggy or are too short and they make me look stupid.
52. I don't like Star Wars or Star Trek.
53. I wear jean shorts because long jeans make my legs sweat in the summer.
54. I don't believe men should ever wear earrings.
55. I hate wearing clothes. Not that I'd prefer being naked, I'd just rather wear the same simple drab thing every single day.
56. I don't know how to drive stick shift.
57. I have never been to a Jack in the Box or a strip club
58. Has always had a dial-up connection.
59. Is Pro-Choice.
60. Absolutely hates articles where you have to pay to read the rest of it.
61. Has no pets & has no desire to get one soon.
62. Thinks sports mascots & cheerleaders are extremely stupid & pointless.
63. I didn't try black coffee until I was 24 & I was at a muffler shop.
64. When I attend sporting events, I love to heckle and scream from time to time.
65. I've failed every hearing test I've ever taken in my lifetime. I have Tinnitus.
66. I wore glasses from August of 1993 to June of 1995. They were fucking huge.
67. I've only gotten one traffic ticket in 11 years of driving. In 1997, I was clocked going 59 mph in a 40 mph zone, which is bullshit, because I was easily going well over 70. I was tired that morning & some stupid S*mpson's episode rang in my head, "Who feels the need for SPEED?!" (Sideshow Bob tries to blow up town in military based Duff blimp). I, of course, said, "yeeeeeeeeeeeah!" and floored it. Back in those days I drove as fast as the road would let me.
68. I find magazines absolutely worthless & a waste of time.
69. I have used a computer (PC) since 1985. Regularly since 1990.
70. I don't have a favorite color or Season.
71. I use contractions way too much when I write.
72. I don't like movies because most of them aren't any good, and are either too long or too short.
73. I really don't think much of music, and hated it for most of my life. Kinda still do.
74. I was 17 when I got my first music CD. (Pet Sounds)
75. I hum excessively in private. I've always been a hummer. Got yelled at in Kindergarten for humming the Sesame Street theme really, really loud. I didn't know people could hear me doing it.
76. Until 3rd grade, I assumed everyone could hear the loud crunchy food-noise in my mouth at the same volume as I heard it as.
77. I don't believe animals should or have rights.
78. My favorite car air freshener smell is vanilla.
79. I almost got hit by a car one day when I was young. I was wearing an itchy navy blue polyester sweatcoat and the wind blew the hood over my face as I was crossing the street. I almost walked right into it.
80. I rarely leave dishes out after I've eaten. They must be rinsed / soaked.
81. I have this bad habit when after I made food, I put all of the stuff I took out of the fridge / cabinet back in its place, no matter how badly I'm starving.
82. I like my milk cold as possible, so I immediately put it back after pouring.
83. I like to put my drinking glasses in the freezer to chill them for at least 10 minutes.
84. I go through an average of 4 napkins a day. Plus everywhere I go, I like to grab some.
85. I no longer eat and drive at the same time.
86. I have absolutely no use for black pepper. It does nothing for me. Table salt is pointless.
87. When I shower, I stand with my back to the water. Tho not in the dry winter months because it makes my back itch like hell.
88. I love cheese and chicken, but not together.
89. I have never been to court, ridden in an airplane, have eaten veal or seen the ocean or mountains.
90. I once had a wart in the palm of my foot, and then 6 months later, got one on the other foot in the exact same location. I remember I had to put this pink liquid skin-remover shit on every single day for like 13 months.
91. Once I quit eating McD*nalds & butter, my back cleared up from all of the pimples/greasiness.
92. I have a horrible time figuring out the lyrics in music.
93. I cannot move my right eyebrow.
94. Sometimes I worry that dead spirits are watching me and taking notes.
95. I think clowns should be illegal and all evidence of their paraphernalia should be destroyed.
96. I absolutely hate whistling. It's a horrible sound.
97. My right eye tends to "water" more than the left one. I dab it with a napkin or sleeve often.
98. When I eat cheetos / seasoned chips, I always suck on them until the flavoring has worn off, then I chew them.
99. I have this annoying habit of eating french fries one at a time.
100. Also boycotting That 70's Show, Domino's Pizza, food from gas stations, Milwaukee's Best beer, ice cream and hot dogs.
101. I am a very slow eater, partially because I don't want to bite my tongue / the side of my mouth / chip a tooth. Plus I enjoy it better that way & I can't eat fast because well, it makes me sick.
102. I really don't like shows with cops, lawyers or hospitals / surgery or eating disgusting things
103. Ice cream makes me gag, even when I just think about it.
104. I never chew gum.
105. I have no intention of getting an iP*d or cell phone.
106. I used to chew ice all of the time until I found out how bad it is for your teeth.
107. I once took a swig of lemon extract and it literally knocked my ass to the floor.
108. The sound of chalk scraping / the feeling of having very dry hands makes me squirm.
109. My current hat size is 7 3/8ths.
110. I spit / hack / snuff up phlegm a lot. I hate being congested.
111. I have 3 to 8 dreams / nightmares a night.
112. I believe in capital punishment, execution, and that children should been seen & not heard, and believe children should be spanked.
113. I have never had a mullet.
114. I must walk crooked or something because my jeans always wear-out / get holes just below the zipper area
115. My favorite musical sound is pipe organ / electric organ.
116. I've been known to wear a watch every single day for 20 years straight or a baseball cap everyday for 6+ years. I don't do either much anymore.
117. In tennis & ping pong, my strength is my backhand.
118. When I watch tv, I almost always hit the mute button to boycott those loud, annoying commercials. Occasionally I'll miss the first 3 to 5 seconds of audio in a show. I just fucking HATE commercials. I hit the mute button probably at least 50 times a day.
119. My tv is almost always on, but it's on mute a lot and I really don't watch it much. I find most tv stupid, pointless and beneath me.
120. enjoys activities like baseball, softball, homerun derby, basketball & H-O-R-S-E, volleyball, badminton, pickleball, tennis, football, catch, the occasional hike, darts, bowling, handball, dodge ball, especially ping pong and of course lawn darts.
121. favorite video games are baseball, hockey, golf, football (both college and pro), basketball, pool, card / dice games and Tetris.
122. hates 3-D embroidery on baseball caps & dropshadows.
123. Even if i knew the secret recipe to Coke or Pepsi, it would do nothing for me. It's just brown sugar water and there is so many better tasting sodas out there.
124. The sound of water running / rain drops makes me feel cold.
125. I have this urge to call everyone "Tex". Why, because it's so stupid. That's why.
126. While growing up, I loved ketchup and hated mustard. As time went on, I ate less and less ketchup, and to this point, I hate ketchup / love mustard.
127. I do not like Dijon mustard, tho.
128. I do not like horseradish, either.
129. I prefer dark chicken meat over white chicken meat. But I'm the opposite with turkey.
130. To this day after 27+ years, I still do not have any mustache whiskers. It's all peachfuzz.
131. I believe in good gas mileage over style and power.
132. I'm into practicality and sensible spending over splurging / rewarding myself.
133. I find Zoo's depressing and dub them "animal prisons". lol I'm just quoting a Calvin & Hobbes strip. But yeah, it is like a prison, and I think the whole idea of "endangered species" is pretty stupid. So what if there's no more white tigers or whales or dolphins? Is this really going to affect our lives in any significant way?
134. I sneer at movies / radio shows / tv shows who do outrageous things just for pure shock value.
135. If I ever became a teacher, I'd give mis-information just for the fact that I could.
136. I'm fascinated by news / pop culture history between early 1960s-1989.
137. I think my favorite food is cheeseburgers.
138. I vow never to wear sweatpants again. I wore them all the time between 1988-1996 like an idiot.
139. I love to swear. I mean, seriously, seriously curse. I do it 'cause it's a lot of fun & its vulgar.
140. Believes toys should be made of metal and wood because plastic is a precious petroleum by-product.
141. I hate wearing a scarf. I can't stand things on my neck, including bedsheets.
142. I do not enjoy running, wrestling, soccer, dancing / square dancing, weight lifting or fishing
143. I'm not about facial hair. Tho from 1996 to about mid 2002 or so, I almost always had a goatee & sideburns. One season I had a "dorsal fin shaped goatee" that had many curves, was 2 inches long at the tip and was trimmed with scissors.
144. I feel that teenagers and fast food corporations are ruining pop culture / this country.
145. I'm obsessed with knowing the copyright dates on things and I always look to see when literature was written / films & television shows were made. I learned Roman Numerals solely because of this.
146. Constantly in the process of finding new desktop background images / changing Windows color schemes.
147. For deodorant, I must have the white-cake kind. Any gel / clear stick is weak / pointless for me.
148. While I have watched every single episode of new SNL religiously, I never watch the musical guest segment.
149. I don't know how to roller skate / rollerblade / balance on a skateboard / spin a basketball on my finger.
150. Every winter I tend to get an itchy back.
151. I really don't like monochrome sports uniforms that are dark with dark.
152. I make up a lot of random one-liners.
153. I am very anal about time. I hate being late & I must be on time or early.
154. I use the computer of an average of 364 days a year.
155. I do a lot of really bad voice impressions.
156. I love taking online surveys & polls.
157. I have decided i don't like driving on the snow anymore.
158. I have a rather jaded and crass sense of humor, and laugh at the most inappropriate things.
159. I tend to be petty and care a lot about petty / pointless things.
160. I am baffled that old people don't understand what "irony" means.
161. I am not religious, but I do believe in karma / "if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you."
162. I hate talking on the phone. I hate the sound of the phone ringing, i hate how some phones aren't loud enough to hear in the receiver, and i hate those long, awkward pauses.
163. I'm kind of embarrassed by my voice because it sounds weird / changes pitch at times.
164. I wish I had a British accent because I would sound much better.
165. I love nacho cheese. Not the cheap shitty kind, but really good natural cheese with real spices and peppers in it. I used to scoop it out of a jar and melt it over tortilla chips after school almost every single week. Then they stopped making it and it pissed me off.
166. I love libraries (because they're quiet) but I hate reading. Go figure.
167. I also happen to love cheese in general. My favorite cheeses in order: american cheese, super sharp cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and parmesan.
168. I believe for any Hall of Fame, the guidelines should be very, very strict.
169. I prefer to eat by myself and with no distractions or conversations, and go at my own pace.
170. I have never attended a holiday party.
171. If there's a song on I love in the car, I will roll down the windows and scream the lyrics as loud as possible.
172. I finally learned not to eat peanut butter sandwiches before going to bed.
173. Of the Clam Chowder soups, I prefer New England.....if it's made right.
174. I put my contact lens on my right eye first; same with my right shoe on first.
175. I believe that you need a good meat to: cheese ratio. Otherwise there's too much meat and you can't taste the cheese. Same with tuna salad. You need lots of mayo / miracle whip & celery to compliment the strong taste of tuna fish taste. And it needs to be served cold.