| Dear Diary, Today I woke up and I had to piss like a fire hose. Then I had to sneeze and that pissed me off. I still have not adjusted to daylight savings time. I can't just "magically change & calibrate my life style back one hour like some pixie." It's very grey outside today, which I actually like because blue sky gets annoying after awhile. Hmmm, what kind of day is it, today? A Wendy's bacon mushroom melt with cheese? A KFC chicken strip meal? Maybe I'll just make some shitty homemade sandwich instead to save a few bucks. Dear Diary, Why is that bitch Rachael not answering my IM's? Is she being a stuck-up crazy bitch again? Boy I'd like to plant my foot up her ass and rough her up a bit. Teach her a lesson about manners and etiquette. "Oh, one day it's a ex-boyfriend crisis, and another day it's a mental crisis, and another day it's a boredom crisis!" Take a fucking pill, already! Dear Diary, I just love reading the Dickless Tracy cartoon. Every Sunday, there's a Crime Stopping tip on there. One day it told me "not to be like people-trash in Alabama" because they can still drive around with open liquor bottles in their vehicles. Then today it told me not to "keystroke my ATM pin number" because criminals are watching. Ah, nothing like a cartoon based on the 1920s and how having an ATM card will ruin your life. I'm surprised they didn't suggest buying a credit card shredding machine so not one shard of plastic or number is reminiscent. I of course have no ATM card, and now thanks to Dickless Tracy, I'm too horrified to ever get one again!!!! Dear Diary, It happened again last night. Some basketball player BLEW the game because he missed a crucial free throw, which would had put the team up by 3 with 0:06.2 seconds left in the game. But no, the god damn beanpole choked, and in 0:05 seconds, the other team ran down the court, went for a lay-up and got fouled by the team's big man. But the problem was, the big man didn't foul hard enough! When you foul somebody, you gotta just go balls-out and knock their fucking ass to the floor so hard that there is no way a proper shot can be made! Then of course, the other team made the lay-up, which tied the game, and the foul shot to win 100-99. It's these kinds of games that make me angry. You were up by 10 at one point, then down by 12, then came back to take the lead in the final minute only to blow it. If I was the team coach, I'd have that choker run 5,000 laps, and spend 12 hours a day shooting free throws. Seriously, it's only 15 feet away, and you're just standing there. It should be a very easy shot! I will not be buying season tickets, that's for god damn sure. Dear Diary, I did that "thing" again. I forgot to pull up my zipper and I spent all day walking around with my fly open. It didn't help that I wore the really ratty boxers with the 3 big holes in them, either. Why do I keep doing that??? Dear Diary, Still contemplating sending in fake letters to newspaper advice columnists. One time in Dear Gabby, somebody sent in a fake letter about something they saw on the Simpsons and the columnist actually replied to it! That columnist felt so stupid, and it was so funny. Or maybe I'll call up a radio station, and ask for an up-tempo dedication song in memory of my beloved dead dog "Snuckles". |
| _Dear Diary. Today I thought about Yahoo's Cribbage and how I wanted to shove the _corkscrew up their fucking ass-fisting shithole. |
| _Dear Diary. Last night I watched "King of Queens" and it induced vomiting. |