| Ah, Happy Family!
The Nanny is coming! Why? Because you don't know how to control your bad children! It's been long stated that "stupid people make stupid babies" but we're going past that today. This bad family consists of two young parents in their early 30's, have two daughters at the age of 2, and a 3 year old son. Mom is an evil lady who's gone crazy, er, crazier from staying home all day, while dad works at a gas station all day. Stupid Dad has very limited brain capacity, and been demoted to "Trainee". First mistake was Crazy Mom and Stupid Dad agreeing to meet on a blind date. The second mistake was dropping acid and having sex on the first date, which led to accident # 1 of 3. Mistake number 3 was getting married after knowing each other for only 4 weeks. Mistake number 4 was not getting an abortion. Ah, the stupidity. Happy Family has a disciplinary problem. Their refusal to smack the kids around when they do something wrong. Their refusal to stop buying their children toys. Their refusal to stop believing their children are entitled to everything that technology & the toy market has to offer. Their refusal to lock the fucking door at bedtime so the fucking kids don't get out time after time when the damn kids refuse to go to bed. Stupid Dad: "Wife's a bossy bitch. I'm a slave to her. I used to do things! I hate being your slave to this family! I never get to do what I want! I was in a band, god damn it!!" Crazy Mom: "You never listen to me! I need a break from these damn kids! They're your problem, too! I haven't seen my feet in 4 years!!" Nanny: "You people, need to yell louder. You people, need to get a belt and a slapping technique. You people need to shut up, not talk so much, stop wasting so much money. You people need to teach these children to not whine or cry, & to suppress their emotions and needs. And you people need to put the fear of God and pain into the children." 2 weeks since the Nanny had begun critiquing the Happy Family and despite numerous lessons, no improvement has been made. Crazy Mom: "Why won't these children eat their brussel sprouts??? Everybody loves stew!! And the lil brats didn't finish their bottle of Mountain Dew at dinner!!!" Stupid Dad: "I don't work at the Gas 'o Hole for 6 hours a day to come home and put up with this childish bullshit! I want "ME time"! I want time to punch things! And do "wheelies" on my dirtbike!" Crazy Mom: "I hope you break your fucking neck falling off that thing!" Stupid Dad: "It's just a stupid neck sprain!!!! Don't tell me what to do, Slavedriver!! Shut up! I used to do things! Like paint and download music!" Nanny: "The Happy Family went to the McDonalds. This was wrong on so many levels." **cut to scene** Stupid Dad: "Um yeah, I want 7 double cheeseburgers and 4 Big Macs with extra cheese and bacon, 50 chicken McNuggets, 5 orders of fries and 5 Cokes which I need you to super-size it.� **cut to scene** Stupid Dad: **close-up of paying for food with credit card** **cut to scene of son crying at table** Crazy Mother: "be quiet and finish up your fries! Finish your Coke!!!" Bad son: "I don�t wanna! Chest hurts!!!" Crazy Mom: "Oh you big stupid baby!! What�s wrong with you! I'll eat them!!" **grabs the carton of fries & pours fries down big mouth** **cut to scene** At table: **both daughters are jumping up and down, screaming, throwing french fries and pouring Coke everywhere.** Stupid Dad: "You kids didn't finish up your Big Mac's! Give them to me, I'll eat them all. I'm going for some apple pies and shakes." **leaves** **cut to scene** old Middle-Aged couple approaches Happy Family: "Your children are being very rude and disruptive! Please control your awful, awful children! Teach them to behave proper in a public setting! This isn't your personal bathroom!" Crazy Mom: **yells** "Dont you tell me how to raise my kids!!!! That's none of your fucking business! You leave us the hell alone you stupid ass-faces!! Nobody tells me how to raise my kids!" Nanny: "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And yet, it was so common." **cut to scene** Crazy Mom: "We're going to the ball & slide area." Nanny: "No you're not! Those places are filthy and ridden with disease!" Crazy Mom: "Don't you tell me what to do with my kids!!" Nanny: "It is a very bad idea! There's exposed rusted metal everywhere!" Crazy Mom: "This is "me time" !!! Don't tell me how to handle "me time!"" Stupid Dad: **burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!** "I wanna go home and play dirtbike!!!" Nanny: "Never mind the fact that it was her best friend who suggested I come help this family." Crazy Mom: "Alright kids, get in the car! We're going to drop you off in the supermarket while I go get a facial, perm and some other cosmetic stuff. Dad will be across town in the arcade." Stupid Dad: **pumped up** "That stupid Kung Fu fighter is so DEAD!!! I rule!!" Bad son: "I gotta throw up!! Food bad!!" Nanny: **steps in Happy Family�s tracks** "No you�re not! We are heading home!" Stupid Dad: "Nooooooooooo!!! Kung Fu!!!" Nanny: "After the stupid Happy Family piled into their Hummer, it was time to do what needed to be done with this family." **cut to scene** **everyone gathered around kitchen table** Nanny: "Alright you people. You all have been given various sizes of dynamite and child-friendly cigarette lighters. You are now all instructed to put the dynamite's non-wick / non-string end into your mouths and begin chewing on it! No, Bad Son, don't try to set the floor on fire. It's concrete, it won't burn." Daughter #1: "This fun! Mine taste like bubble gum!" Daughter #2: "My taste like cherry!" Stupid Dad: "Hahahaha, mine tastes like McDonalds!" Crazy Mom: "Mmmmmm! Mine tastes like chocolate!! MMMMMM!!!!!" Bad son: **stands there holding his dynamite. hasn�t figured out instructions yet** Nanny: "Now, you are all instructed to count to 10, then, with your cigarette lighters, push the button and set fire to the wick / string. Ready? Splendid! Go!" **runs out the door** Crazy Mom: "This is the best tasting dynamite I have ever eaten!!!" Stupid Dad: "I popped so many wheelies today! I hurt my face when I crashed into the fence!" Bad son: "1...2.....4....A...B...6...2...." Nanny: **stands out in street looking at the house** **cut to scene** House blows up. Nanny: "Wonderful! Splendid! Another problem solved! Works every time!" Voice-over: "Tune in next week to watch the Nanny tackle another troubled stupid fat American family on Nanny 911..... on FOX!!!!!" END |