| old man: frail, thinning white hair, glasses, sitting in chair in den with blanket over legs, fire place roaring; bookshelves covering the walls: "I'm an old man now. spent my whole life going to school, getting one doctorate after another. I've seen a lot of things, written countless books, gotten a million paper cuts, went to millions of college parties, threw up every full moon, broke my neck a few times from doing beer keg stands, worked in every single building in town,..." **turns to face camera from different angle** I'm an old man. I've slept with a lot of ladies. I've done a lot of party drugs, joined a lot of Frats, beaten a lot of people up, trashed a lot of rooms, done a lot of pranks. Also bought a lot of textbooks, typewriters, computers and paper & have given a lot of speeches. A lot of people asked me, "when are you finally going to stop going to school & getting degrees & finally get out in the real world?" I always said, "when the time, economy & the degrees are right." **turns back to face first camera angle** "I am an old man. People sometimes asked me, "Don't you ever get sick of being a career student?" and I always retorted, "well do YOU ever get sick of breathing??" Learning a constant process and should never be compromised. Now, I'm old, I'm dying and my life's over, and I go to death without ever having a career & have hundred's of thousands of dollars of debt from student loanstudent loans. Suckers!" **dies** Now it's all idiot yuppies trying do stand-up / side wise-cracks between stories, and say shit like �thanks for watching!� and spend like 2 minutes (in bits) promoting a piece that's only 30 seconds long / not even worth mentioning. Please, spare us all your corny fake banter and give it to us straight like the World News / CNN's do. And finally, tomorrow's entry, which will be a song parody, has been sitting on the shelf since at least the baseball playoffs back in October, and while the lyrics could easily change each day, it's finally time to just put it down and see the light of day. The original song is (probably) my all-time favorite song and just too good not to make a fun version. And of course, bonus unused lyrics will be included, because well, why not? Maybe I left out a better version. Words in brackets ( [blahblah] ) are just for context purposes & not to bes. Suckers! **dies** END |