| Backstage at a comedy club:
Gary: "You're not going to do that awful 'fart bit', are you?" Dolph: **silence** Gary: **walks away disgusted** Dolph: "What..??" Announcer: "Ladies and Gentleman, Dolph Rudager!!!" **crowd applauds, Dolph walks onto the stage** Dolph: "Yeah, it's that time of year again, the time for New Years resolutions. Let's see, I resolved to eat more fruits and vegetables. Uh...continue boycotting McDonalds and.." **crowd applauds** "Thank you, thank you. Also keep my weight down....exercise more, eat less fast food. Oh yeah, and when opening food packets of stuff, actually tear the entire top off instead of a small corner where the damn thing takes forever to pour out. Haha!" Dolph: **walks around stage and scratches head** "Aaaand get a haircut every 2 months so I don't end up with a mullet like a jackass." **audience laughs** Dolph: **smiles** "Yeah, and...." **farts** "Oh shit. "There goes another resolution!" **farts** **audience mutters** "God damn it, man, I really wanted to promise myself not to do that anymore." **one or two people laugh** Dolph: "You ever notice, how there's nothing worse than coming out of the shower after a good, hard, cleaning of a scrubbing....and then.... **moves microphone to fart on cue** **fart**" Dolph: **moves microphone back towards mouth** "Phew, I can see why there aren't too many Fart Comedians in this business, after 2 or more farts, that smell really starts to stink up the microphone and people tend to.... to..... really...... **blinks** lose their con.... **stutters** con- **sways** concentra.... **looks sick and stops for 5 seconds** concentration. ....I'm woozy." Dolph: "That's why I think there should be a plug for my ass so the air couldn't come out, but then that plug wouldn't last too long, with the dirty brown air coating the anus walls with fart-dust and.... **audience boos & begins to walk out & leave** "Hey c'mon, where you going??" Dolph: "and like, why do you think farts are so flat? I guess it's because they're coming out upside down or something. You ever fart while sitting on a top of a metal desk? You can really feel the shockwaves and rattling..." **audience boos loudly; others continue to leave** Dolph: "oh c'mon! Jesus Christ! Lousy fuckers." **puts microphone back on stand** **looks around & sees everyone left** Dolph: (disgusted) "Sonavabitch!!!" **swats microphone stand to the ground** **feedback from microphone** **walks off the stage** END |