| The stupid worker conspiracy column
Oh I am such a smart worker! I'm getting away with so much at work and NOBODY will ever find out! Heheh...all these Dilbert cartoons i cut out and collaged on my cubicle. Funny, edgy stuff! Nobody will ever find out that *i* was the one who put the rat poison in the coffee maker! Ha ha! Nor will they ever find out that i pissed in the water cooler when no one was looking! And you know how the toner mysteriously somehow all escaped from the printers and xerox machines? Inverted documents! And I also tend to have this clumsy habit of accidentally spilling whole pots of coffee on to vacated office chairs. I hope my big fat stupid idiot boss knows he's a piece of shit-asshole. I really hate his fucking guts. I'd like to slash the tires on his limo and beat the shit out of his obnoxious teenage son. He's a dumb fuck. And I'm sick and tired of getting everyone else's shit handed to me on top of all the other shit I wasn't hired to do while not getting paid for over-time. And I personally don't give two shits about our company or the horseshit we churn out with our name on it. Like I'm going to show up to any god damn meetings. I have given my youth, my energy, my blood and sweat for this company and all I get is some shitty box of rock hard toffee for xmas. But hear this, I declare utter sweet merciless revenge on the cocksuckers that run this company. And of course, a disgruntled employee can never have enough boxes of pens. So many, many boxes of pens. Yeah, I'd like to stab my boss to death with these pens. It's not like any of my co-workers or boss know about this site or could ever find it in a google search... hey look...new email! ..uh oh..." END |