| October 29, 1999 Mr. Ranter and Raver is back. It has been over six months since the last Rant and Rave, and I know how much each of you missed them. I had more important things to do than write for your benefit -- starting a new job and moving into a new house of most importance. But things have settled down a bit and it is time to get back to the really frivolous things in my life, such as this column. In the interim, I have taken the opportunity to add a number of new recipients to the list. For their benefit, I am rerunning the introduction from the first mailing so that they may have some idea why this message is in their in-box: ______________________ December 30, 1998 Friends, Romans, and Countrymen -- First, let me wish each of you a Happy New Year. As I sit here at the end of 1998, a year in which the President of the United States was impeached while receiving a job approval rating of over 70%, I have a lot to say about the world. Many of you have had extensive conversations with me while I rant and rave like a lunatic about such things. While you often do not agree with me, I hope that you at least enjoy my rantings and ravings. As you may guess, I LOVE ranting and raving. It is much more fun than preparing legal documents. Unfortunately, most of my ranting and raving is done with no audience, which takes all of the fun out of it. Therefore, thanks to the Internet, I am going to remedy this problem and satisfy my gigantic ego. When I get a coherent thought about matters of current events or general interest, I am going to write it down and e-mail it to you. You are free to push Reply to respond, Forward if you think somebody else might be interested, or Delete if you are uninterested. If you are really uninterested and do not want to receive any of these e-mails, let me know and I will take you off the list. No offense wil be taken. (Conversely, if there is somebody you know who would like to receive the message directly, let me know). If you Reply, I reserve the right to publish and/or respond to your Reply. I encourage Replys, especially those that are critical. I am betting that if you take the time to open and read the idiotic junk humor that we get every day, you will take the time to open and read a semi-coherent and usually serious discussion of current events. Of course, on second thought, that may be an unreasonable assumption knowing the people on the list. Just kidding. Let the games begin. ______________________________ FIRST ANNUAL RANT AND RAVE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT GAME Today, I want to talk about lawsuits. Until a couple of weeks ago, I did not have web access since last May, so I was forced to read the newspaper, which means the LA Times. Apparently, the LA Times has decided to write a front-page article on a lawsuit on an almost regular basis: 1. October 29, 1999: "Macy's Found to Violate Laws for the Disabled " ("From its entrance and aisles to its dressing rooms and cash registers, Macy's flagship Union Square store here violates state and federal laws requiring access for disabled people and must be made easier for them to navigate, a federal judge ruled Thursday.); 2. October 29, 1999: "Suit Claims Aetna's Deals With Doctors Harm HMO Patients" ("In the first class-action suit of its kind in California, Aetna Inc., one of the nation's largest managed health care providers, was accused Thursday of failing to disclose confidential arrangements with physicians that were injurious to members of the health plan."); 3. October 20, 1999: "Female Ex-Cadet Can Sue for Harassment" ( "A federal judge ruled on Tuesday that the Citadel can be tried for sexual discrimination and five cadets can be tried for sexual harassment of a former female cadet."); 4. October 14, 1999: "Rhode Island Sues 8 Firms Over Health Effects of Lead-Based Paint" ("In the latest courtroom assault on corporations selling legal but controversial products, Rhode Island's attorney general on Wednesday sued eight companies that used to manufacture lead paint, which was banned for residences in 1978 but continues to be a major health problem for children living in older buildings."); 5. October 13, 1999: "Disabled Pupils Get Their Day in Court" ("Parents of children with disabilities, frustrated over the often skimpy special education offerings of public schools, are increasingly suing to obtain tutoring, classroom aides and even private school at district expense."); 6. October 11, 1999: "Colt Said to Be Cutting Handgun Sales" ("More than 160 years after Sam Colt invented the revolver, the company that bears his name is getting out of the consumer handgun business because of potential lawsuits it may face, it was reported on Sunday night."); 7. October 9, 1999: " As Smoke Clears, Lawyers Take On Health Insurers" ("In pursuit of big damage awards at a time when public opinion is running against the managed health care industry, attorneys have begun to file a wave of lawsuits charging major health insurers with failing to give consumers the care they paid for. ") 8. October 8, 1999: "Judge Rejects Cincinnati's Suit Against Gun Makers" ("Handgun manufacturers facing a legal assault by U.S. cities won a major victory Thursday when an Ohio judge tossed out Cincinnati's case in the first big test of the legal merits of claims brought by 29 municipalities. ") 9. October 5, 1999: "Jury Slams State Farm on Generic Auto Parts" ("In a major setback for the auto insurance industry, a jury in Illinois on Monday ordered the nation's largest car insurer to pay $456 million for cheating millions of customers by ordering body shops to fix their cars with low-cost generic replacement parts.") 10. September 30, 1999: "State Court Allows Victims of Violence to Sue Gun Makers" (In a landmark decision, a California Court of Appeal ruled Wednesday that gun makers can be sued for promoting their products to people who use them in crimes such as murder.") 11. September 29, 1999: "Justices to Hear Challenge to HMO Shield" ("Patients and the managed health care industry will soon face off in the U.S. Supreme Court over whether patients can sue a health plan that puts its bottom line ahead of patient care.") 12. September 22, 1999: "U.S. to File Suit Against Tobacco Firms" ( "The federal government will file a huge civil lawsuit against the tobacco industry as early as today seeking billions of dollars in damages for treating smoking-related illnesses, sources close to the Justice Department said Tuesday.") 13. September 19, 1999: "School Breaks for Jewish Holidays Bring Lawsuit" ("On Monday, as the nation's Jews converge on synagogues to reflect on their sins, the children of Sycamore Community School District in southwest Ohio will get a day off from school--no thanks to the American Civil Liberties Union of Ohio.") 14. September 18, 1999: "Fen-Phen Settlement to Cost AHP $4 Billion" ("American Home Products Corp. is set to pay roughly $4 billion to settle thousands of lawsuits by consumers who contend that they were injured by fen-phen, a once-popular diet pill combination, lawyers close to the case said Friday.") 15. September 16, 1999: "Spy Sues CIA, Saying She Is Job Bias Victim" ("A female spy is suing the CIA, claiming discrimination in job promotions after an incident in which a foreign intelligence recruit kissed her, which the spy agency saw as a potential security breach, her lawyer said Wednesday.") 16. September 16, 1999: "N.Y. Threatens to Sue Utilities in Midwest, South" ("New York's attorney general threatened Wednesday to sue coal-fired power plants in the Midwest and South if they don't stop spewing pollution that causes acid rain and smog in the Northeast.") 17. September 15, 1999: " Ex-POWs Sue 5 Japanese Companies" ("Former World War II prisoners of war and other activists stepped up their pressure against Japanese corporations in the United States, announcing Tuesday a nationwide class-action lawsuit alleging that the companies brutalized POWs and forced them to perform slave labor in Asia during the war.") The most interesting, and the most symbolic, of these lawsuits is the suit commenced by the United States government against the tobacco industry, the manufacturer of a legal product, for the purported costs incurred by the government in dealing with the effects of the product. The legal theory boggles the mind. These cases are not about negligence or even products liability. If the lawsuit is permitted to go forward, the government could (not that it necessarily would) sue auto manufacturers for the costs of traffic accidents unrelated to any defect in the car, match manufacturers for the costs of fires unrelated to any defect in the match, etc This lawsuit goes to the heart of whether we have a functioning Constitution. For those of you who paid attention in high school, under the theory of the Constitution, there is something called "separation of powers" and "checks and balances." For a law to be beome "LAW", Congress must pass the law and then the President must sign it. If there is no agreement, there is no "LAW". The dream of every Congressman (and every state legislator) is to be able to spend more money on their favorite programs, but not raise taxes. That way you make a lot of people happy and piss off no one. You can just imagine what our noble representatives think about the gigantic income streams generated by the sale of tobacco. Grabbing the streams would be the best thing since government-controlled lotteries. Unfortunately, there are those unfortunate things called separation of powers and checks and balances. While tobacco is heavily taxed at both the federal and state levels, the tobacco industry has been successful in convincing a portion of Congress to oppose increased taxation from present levels. Therefore, our noble representatives have been stymied in their attempt to pass a LAW to dramatically increase the taxes on tobacco. Therefore, your President, following the lead of our illustrious Governors, had a bright idea -- why let a few dead white male ideas like "separation of powers" and "checks and balances" get in the way. Why don't we simply exercise the executive power unilaterally to grab those income streams? We can sue the industry and there is nothing those tobacco lobbyists can do about it!! What a great idea!! This is scary, folks. There is no LAW making tobacco illegal. There is no LAW that has increased the taxes on tobacco. You are witnessing naked, arbitrary power that is unchecked. The only hope is that a judiciary will quickly and decisively tell this President to go read his Constitution. We can only wait and see. On a less serious note, if the suit is allowed to go forward, it is a virtual certainty that the government will then sue gun manufacturers. The question is, when the government and the plaintiffs' lawyers are done with tobacco and guns, what will be next? I am going to describe a real product. The first person to correctly guess the name of the product will be named as the plaintiff in a class-action lawsuit to be filed by me at the earliest opportunity. Here is one hint -- it is not alcohol or alcohol related. 1. Like tobacco, almost all users of the product start when they are kids. 2. Like tobacco, the product goes in and out of fashion. 3. Like tobacco, the product is, in fact, marketed to kids, with the use of animals and cutesy advertisements. 4. Like tobacco, the product is marketed as fun, healthy and will make you more attractive. 5. Like tobacco, there is, I believe, warnings on the product concerning risks involved with the product. 6. Like tobacco, the product is not a necessity and is used in connection with an activity that is purely leisure time. 7. Many people falsely believe that the product is completely safe, which causes people to overuse the product, which makes it unsafe. The makers of the product do nothing to dispel the myth that the product is harmless. 8. Like tobacco, most users regret using the product when they are older because of what it does to the body, even if doesn't kill you. 9. And, most significantly, like tobacco, if used as directed on a regular basis, the users chance to suffer from cancer is dramatically increased. I look forward to your responses. It is good to be back. Thank you for listening. DBS |