All About Chantel
My intimate thoughts
I walk into the bathroom, and slowly remove the makeup of my face to reveal the true vulnerable me that no body sees the person no one takes a glimpse at when i leave the outside. I first remove the eye shadow and mascare, that covers all the tragic things my life has seen, it makes pretty the entrance of my soul, so that when someone really looks, really looks, they cant see the pain and the tears...next I remove the blush that covers my cheeks which harbor the scares of my ego...after that I slowly remove the lipstick that keeps my lips in check from saying all the things I want...after that I remove my foundation, the thing that hides all the blemishes that are on my face that represent the thousands of times someone has hurt me, verbally, mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually....I wear this mask, because if you really saw what was under it would you want it...would you want that woman, whose so gentle, so caring, so understanding who loves you for you no matter what, would u really love her if she looked like a beast...but loved you like an angel? I love with all of me, and maybe one day while in my bathroom, while removing my make up, there will be someone sitting on the toilet looking at me loving me for me...who will turn off the lights, lay next to me and hold me in their arms and love me, for me...then maybe then i wont need the makeup!!!!
My heart and soul had a conversation with my mind and this is what was said: "not for me, no more pain and misery no more lonely nights, and frustrating days, Im not letting him in, no way I can't take the misunderstanding the cunning sneakiness and demanding, I can't take the fact that I can't breathe, because your always challenging me i cant let you in my thighs if you cant comprehend whats on my mind i cant give you my energy or my time so dont let him in, dont let him in Loud and clear don't let him in leave him at the door and label him as friend" My mind responded like this: "What are you talking about, you dont want to be held I need good times to put on my memory's shelf I need some mental stimulation, something to help me explore my imagination listen once, listen now, how about we work together to get around ill pick you up when u fall down me n u that's all we need and and if it is to be let it be My heart and mind made a pack realizing that only I can have my back Understand and grasping reality, that can't no one can love me like me And if I realize this first, when a man harms me, the deep wound wont hurt They walked out the door holding hands, Accepting each other and willing to understand."
