A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They lady sitting behind them ignores them at first. but then her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses. they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered,"I'm doing my math homework,Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered
Infuriated,the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied."Right now, we are learning addition."
The motherasked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,that son of a bit*h is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing,she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
You would learn stuff like...
When loved ones come home,always run to greet them.
Never pass up the oppertunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the expirience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstacy.
When it's in your best intrest,practice abedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps,Stretch before rising.
Run,romp,and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days,stop to lie on your back on the grass.On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't but into the guilt thing and pout...
run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If wht you want lies buried,dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent. sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
and finally...
Never trust anyone until you sniff their butt!.
Q:) Should I have a baby after 35? A:) NO.35 children is enough. Q:)I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A:) With any luck.right after he finishes collage. Q:) What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A:) Childbirht Q:) My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A:)So whats your question? Q:) My birth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,but pressure. Is she right? A:) Yes. in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q:) When is the best time to get an epidural? A:) Right after you find out you are pregnant. Q:) Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor.? A:) Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q:) Do I have to have a baby shower?
A:) Not if you change the babys diaper very quickly.
Q:)Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A:) When the kids are in collage.
10 Ways To Know If You Have "Estrogen Issues"
1.) Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2.)You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3.)The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4.)Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5.)You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "Hows my driving-call1-800-*******"
6.)Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.
7.)NO # 7.
8.)You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9.)You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10.) The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
