30 March 2003

Leveling Off: I Think I Can Live With This Anti Depressant Thing

Life is pretty good these days, even if I'm not sleeping that much.

I actually did manage to sleep last night. For about two hours. But I see the fact that I was able to sleep at all as a sign of improvement.

The nausea and lightheadedness are getting better, little by little, and I have had the occasional battle with the Mexican Two Step (proof positive of why you should never drink the water!) But aside from that everything has been getting steadily better.

One exception: my hands are shaking. My hands haven't shaken since I had my breakdown. When I began to recover from that my hands stopped shaking and haven't shaken since. Now they shake.

Ah, well, that too shall pass. And it can take the Mexican Two Step with it!

* * *

Yesterday was my day off so I decided to take advantage of all this extra energy I seem to have these days and went visiting.

My first stop was the neighborhood pub that I frequent. For the record, I drank Coke.

Now I've been drinking there off and on for almost ten years. Back when I was hitting the bottle like a starving man attacking a four course meal this particular pub was my venue of choice. The ladies behind the bar were always friendly and compassionate, and they're good company too.

These days the bartender most nights is a particularly sweet young lady named Charlene.

I met her for the first time about three years ago when I popped into the pub after a four year plus absence and discovered that all of the people who used to work there before had all moved on. Char was good to me. She remembered my name and my prescription after our first meeting and over time we became friends.

As my depression took it's turn for the worst lately Char became more and more worried about me. She didn't say anything to me about it, of course. Hell, it wasn't until I told her of my intention to start taking Anti Depressants that she admitted to being worried about me at all.

Now my depression has been pretty deep for quite a long time, so I was pretty pleased that someone was worried about me, especially a friend like her. So I thanked her for worrying, all the while thanking the Fates for blessing me with having her. And in the back of my mind I resolved that I'm going to find some way to repay that kindness.

Of course, it's a given that she's going to read this sooner or later. She's a frequent visitor to The Keep. And I can just see the E-Mails coming in now, telling me that I owe her nothing and don't you dare try to spoil me. You spoil me enough the way you tip, for God's Sake!

Well, alright, maybe I do. But be it here resolved that I am going to find something really cool to do for you, one of these days when you least expect it. And I'm going to do it despite your objections for the simple reason that I can. So there. :-)

Told her, didn't I ...

Michelle is another one I've got to spoil rotten. She encouraged me to go on the things in the first place, and has been one of my most adamant supporters. She seems glued to the belief that I am a better man than I think I am, and I'm not inclined to argue with her because she's probably right. How can you argue with a woman who smiles at you and tells you she likes having you around?

Of course, all of the above just proves one thing: I am blessed.

I always knew that I was, but it's a really cool thing to have that belief proven to you.

My friends have been my primary support mechanism for several years now, and I always knew that they cared about me. Hell, they helped keep me alive and interested in living this life, didn't they? When they demonstrate it, though, when they clap you on the shoulder and tell you, "Do what you need to do, I've got your back," that's when you know how good you've got it.

So, yeah, I can live with this Anti Depressant thing. I can live with it just fine.