29 July 2003

More on Edible Missiles

The debate on the whole issue of Edible Missiles continues, and I suppose I really have no one to blame but myself, for I'm the one who raised the damn topic in the first place.

Indeed I have been taken to task several times in recent weeks for my stance that the use of Edible Missiles to promote positive political change should be encouraged. Most of my detractors have disagreed with me on the grounds that an attack is an attack whether the weapon used be edible or not. One such opponent even went so far as to point out that an attack by an Edible Missile could potentially be as deadly as an attack by an Inedible Missile if there were allergies involved.

On the one hand I’m glad that I am capable of conceiving such a topic as to inspire these kinds of discussions. As one of my personal goals I have taken it upon myself to encourage more and more of the people with whom I come in contact to use their brains and think about the events happening around them, for I truly believe that encouraging conscious intelligent thought is a fundamental key to undoing some of the damage that has been done to our societies.

On the other hand it annoys me to no end that people are so rigid and inflexible in their beliefs that all they see is right and wrong. The vast majority of people seem incapable of distinguishing that there are numerous shades of grey between the extremes of black and white. And when they finally do acknowledge that this middle ground exists they still seem incapable of considering what that middle ground may contain.

On the Gripping Hand, such is human nature and I really should expect nothing less.

However, regardless of all the things that have been said I still stand by my belief that the use of Edible Missiles can be a viable method of encouraging positive political change. Our politicians have sequestered themselves in ivory towers and made themselves nearly inaccessible to the majority of our populace, who only get glimpses of these figures in whom we entrust our destiny on those rare occasions when they find it necessary to make public appearances.

Thus it becomes impossible for an average citizen to have a face to face meeting with a public figure, and so our opportunities to express our dissatisfaction with their rule become somewhat limited. We have, of course, the option to send letters to such figures, or to express our opinions in similar fashion to local newspapers, and while I’m sure that our politicians do read such discourses it is simply too easy for them to ignore opinions voiced in this manner.

However, they simply can not ignore a pie in the face, especially not if it is administered in a public forum.

Thus our circumstances become such that the dispatch of edible missiles becomes the only means with which we can express political dissatisfaction.

The really interesting thing about this, though, is that we need no limit ourselves to pies. While a pie is sufficiently public and humiliating that enough such incidents will force a politician to consider his actions, it does not have the psychological impact, if you will, to express our displeasure in the parasites who infect our system of government. To deal with those infidels in an appropriate manner, I hereby suggest an alternate edible missile: Haggis.

Think of it, my friends. There he is, some high and mighty politician, standing before a podium at some public function, happily describing the next government initiative to bleed more tax money from the masses, when in the middle of his discourse a neatly bundled Haggis soars through the air and impacts square in the middle of his face.

If that doesn’t send a message then I don’t know what does.