(After seeing Paycheck) Krystle: That movie gave me an ulcer.
~~~~~
Dr. Cichy: Let's do all the odd numbers. We'll look at number four.
~~~~~
Jeanette: When are they gonna play "Oh Yeah?" Me: You mean, "Hey Ya?!"
~~~~~
(Playing Taboo) Michelle: You get this when you go out for Chinese! Carolyn: Indigestion!
~~~~~
(About a boy who was going to ask her to prom but taking too long to do it) Shannon: As my mom put it, ''Shit or get off the pot!''
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Dr. Carroll: Today's lecture is on courtly love...NOT Courtney Love.
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Laura D.: I deep water woggle, do you?
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Carolyn: I can do the moonwalk on certain surfaces. Me: Like, the MOON?!
~~~~~
(About Clay Aiken singing on SNL) Jeanette: Omigod, I wanna lick the T.V. right now!
~~~~~
(About sex) Shannon: I'm always offering, but no one seems to take me up on it!
~~~~~
Fr. McGonigle: God is NOT a sugar daddy. God is not what? A sugar daddy.
~~~~~
(About Mel B. of the Spice Girls starring as Mimi in Rent) Tom: If you wanna light my candle...you gotta get with my friends.
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Matt: I have a ton of names I wanna call that kid. They all begin with "F" and one of them is douche bag.
~~~~~
Fr. McGonigle: That could be a tricky wicket.
~~~~~
(Talking about how the angels in the Medieval painting all looked the same) Dr. Carroll: Now tell me, if one of these angels mugged you, could you pick him out in a line-up?
~~~~~
(On the phone, after it had been bothering me for an hour) Me: Do you know whose castle is in Disneyland? Mom: Cinderella Me: No, thats DisneyWORLD, and by the way, did you know Cinderella has a castle in Florida AND Tokyo?! How unfair is THAT?!? Mom: Laura...(long pause)...have you been drinking?
~~~~~
(About a girl at PC that we call "PornStar Barbie") Michelle: I wonder what she's like in real life.
~~~~~
Me: I have lemon tea. Jodi: You have lepresy?
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Tom: excuse me while i go drown in tea- its the only way a wannabe singer should die
your just lucky im done drinking it- or i'd have a tea bag up my nose
~~~~~
Cris: I heard McDermott is the 9th most sexually active dorm in the U.S., I could really use that kind of exercise.
~~~~~
(About a particularly scandalous video in class) Fr. Powell: We're gonna get arrested. They're going to come in here and arrest us all!
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Fr. Powell: You would have found it funnier if you had lived in 1940 London and been bombed every night...You probably ARE bombed every night.
~~~~~
Fr. Powell: Being married doesn't prove you aren't gay...Michael Jackson was married.
~~~~~
(About Providence traffic) Shannon: Go ahead, try and hit us, you fucker!
~~~~~
Me: You've got food all over your face. Jazeem (8 yr. old): Nah man, thats just my style.
~~~~~
Shannon: I need a catheter!
~~~~~
Maggie: I finished my seminar already, aren't I a genius and a half?!
~~~~~
Note: Carolyn (my roommate now) is living across the hall from me next year. Me: (I burp) You know you're going to miss that next year. Carolyn: I'll probably still be able to hear it.
~~~~~
Dr. Keating (male): That nut is gonna take a little longer to crack.
~~~~~
Dr. Carroll: Have you seen Mel Gibson's version of Hamlet? I fondly refer to it as "Mel in Tights."
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Fr. McGonigle: They all became hardcore Calvinists.
~~~~~
Dr. Carroll: Maybe human beings aren't the greatest thing since sliced bread.
~~~~~
Becky: I'm all sexed up!
~~~~~
Hilary Nickelson (voice teacher): Can the purple boa whore please move just a little? She's blocking the red boa whore."
~~~~~
Carolyn: Do you know that they make cream out of the foreskins of circumcised boys? Amanda: Teeny weeny foreskin lotion!
~~~~~
(Playing Taboo) Me: It's in semen! Monique: Protein!
(N.B. The answer was sperm.)
~~~~~
(Melissa S. is a little tipsy and loses a shoe) Melissa: Ohh...I'm Cinderella! (giggles and falls on the ground)
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Me: I dunno, maybe I'm just a pretty face. Shannon: And a great pair of boobs.
~~~~~
(Leaving a seminar on Don Quixote) Dr. Carroll: Watch out for windmills.
~~~~~
Monique: Isn't the choral library romantic?
~~~~~
(While discussing a boy that is nicknamed "Donkey," conversation turns dirty) Me: Maybe he's hung like one. Michelle: Maybe he likes it up the ASS.
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Me: I'm insecure about everything, well, except my boobs. Amanda: Well, Laura, that's cuz they're enormous!
~~~~~
(About a hole in Dan's jeans) Lizzie: That's brilliant! You should photograph that.
~~~~~
(On serial music) Dr. Cichy: Music to eat your cereal by...snap, crackle, pop!
~~~~~
Me: Dore, we have tons. Mike V.: Don't make this a weight issue.
~~~~~
(In Victoria's Secret, a woman takes panties off a manequin and puts another pair back on, but very, very crooked) Woman: There...she's had a rough night.
~~~~~
Shannon: Happy birthday! Eat shit!
~~~~~
(Playing Taboo) Michelle: This is what I wanna do to her sometimes! (points to me) Shannon: Grab her boobs!
(Note: The word was clobber)
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(On the angels deciding to follow Lucifer and fall from heaven) Dr. Carroll: I bet they thought, "Beats the hell out of this!"
~~~~~
Dr. Carroll: Eve, what's for supper? Oh, forbidden fruit? Okay.
~~~~~
TiggerJag1: laura he SHAVES HIS HEAD TiggerJag1: how can i not love him TiggerJag1: hes FUCKIN BALD!
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Jeanette: I have poetry written by a young man named my boyfriend.
~~~~~
(About a flashing patient) Dr. Weaver on ER: I don't wanna see his wee willy wonka waggin' around here either.
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TiggerJag1: my computer is being an ass and a half TiggerJag1: thats like 3 cheeks right there
~~~~~
(Walking into the Providence Place Mall) Tom: Some people go to church to worship, I come here!
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(About a penis pi�ata) J-net: Hey, we can beat it off.
~~~~~
Kathryn: You can't stick something in your mouth if you don't like it!
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Me: I can't find the Little Dipper. Annmarie: Have you checked Kyle's pants?
~~~~~
(Under the stars at Vicki's outdoor movie night) Me: Oh J-net, this is sooooo romantic! Michael Gebrian: Now all you guys hafta do is make out!
~~~~~
MysterMorpheus: holy u-ker-ist!
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MysterMorpheus: :'( come back my gummis
~~~~~
(Scene: The Spice Girls are trying to get their friend not to deliver the baby unti they get to the hospital) Geri: Close your legs! Mel B.: Well it's a little late for that, she shoulda done that nine months ago!
~~~~~
DefyGravity0925: omg did i tell you that last night i dreamt that my whole house went up in flames? MysterMorpheus: really? i dreamt i went to macy's
~~~~~
TiggerJag1: for a minority like me, ponderosa is like the finest dining ever
~~~~~
MysterMorpheus: hey i had a dream about you last night, you sniffed grass and passed out and i was yelling for some1 to teach me how to do CPR.
and i think you even told me i needed to do CPR but i dono, lol- i was like SHIT! and i was screaming for some1 to help me with CPR cuz i dono it MysterMorpheus: maybe thats the meaning! tom needs to learn CPR and laura should stay away from grass MysterMorpheus: no toking up missy
~~~~~
(About the macaroni and cheese in Ray) Janice: You want some wallpaper paste? C'mere!
~~~~~
(About to do Tae-Bo) Michelle: Are you ready for some swamp-ass?
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Michelle: I only do in between the cheeks.
~~~~~
Michelle: I'm high on God!
~~~~~
Monique: Let's just say I was a scholar...
~~~~~
Dr. Mattison: The difference is that out-of-wedlock marriages are viewed differently.
~~~~~
(After drinking) Michelle: I don't feel anything, I just can't stop smiling!
~~~~~
TiggerJag1: dont worry i think i still have my raft that i came to this country on im sure that'll get me there safely
~~~~~
Me: someday my prince will come... Tom: mine musta been killed during a hit and run...i'll settle for king
~~~~~
Tom: yeah- with a goddamn pumpkin and mice and no fucking price charming- when he gets here im shoving my glass slipper up his ass for being so fucking late.
~~~~~
(On a Baroque painting) Dr. Lynch: I don't think most of you will spend your lives, sitting around watching people play instruments. Monique and I: Well...
~~~~~
Dr. Lynch: Please kill my sons. Love, Brutus.
~~~~~
Michelle: When my kids leave for school, I'm gonna be like, "Good, get out so I can have more sex!!"
~~~~~
MysterMorpheus: im always there for you, even if we have connecticut and a tid-bit of water between us...its a shit state, dont worry- it means nothing.
~~~~~
(On the fact that the Big E was also my birthday) beautifyurface7: well that means i'm gonna have to get naked won't I?
~~~~~
MysterMorpheus: college is making me a book whore. i have to read so much i feel dirty!! I'M A BOOK WHORE!
~~~~~
Kurt: I shoudl go brush my teeth in self satisfaction Me: have fun Kurt: who says I'm going to, I've got cola here laura, I'd kill a busload of children before I leave my cola
~~~~~
(On bidets) Michelle: Well, sometimes it could be kinda refreshing!
~~~~~
(On our presidential candidates) Deery: it's gotta be one or the other tho....we got the scarecrow or the cowardly lion, neither of them are gonna get what they need anytime soon
~~~~~
Monique: have you gone down to siena to practice yet? Me: no, but i wasn't planning on it :-( Monique: damn, i was hoping you would tell me that you had a fantastically fruitful practice session, and that would shame me into going
~~~~~
Me: I pray to God, "I don't want to be the Virgin Mary. Please let me get my period"...And God is up there all chill. And he is all, "It's coming in a few days, don't worry."
~~~~~
Me: We're in our sexual prime right now! And I am not having sex! And I am NOT happy about it!
~~~~~
(On a portrait of Sam Adams) Dr. Lynch: You've had the beer...there's the man!
~~~~~
(On Pedro Martinez) Dan: Please bitch, I'm from the Dominican.
~~~~~
Dan: Eroticism, SMASH!
~~~~~
Kelle: The lily is a sexy flower.
~~~~~
(On ear training in the alto clef) Mike: It's on the G-spot.
~~~~~
(I go to kiss Shannon on the cheek and she moves her head at the same time not realizing it) Me: Whoa, I almost made out with you, that was scary.
~~~~~
(On a scene in Madame Bovary where they have sex in a moving carriage) Dr. Reid (who is about 65 yrs. old): Maybe coming from someone who has tried this before, this can be very awkward. You're bouncing and bumbling around. This cannot be the most romantic way to make love. Trust me.
~~~~~
Dr. Lynch: Look at her face, it looks as though she is in the middle of a...oh, whatever that word is, I forget. Dr. Reid: ORGASM!
~~~~~
Dr. Lynch: You have a lady exposing her breast, saying, "C'mon, follow me!" Who wouldn't?!
~~~~~
(On a boy in ROTC) Me: I'll tell him you'd LOVE to go to the military ball. Amanda: Yea, military balls are really my style. Carolyn: Ha! Military BALLS!
~~~~~
Dr. Lynch: She's got no clothes on, but she's wearing shoes. I think it's cold shower time, I do.
~~~~~
(On Locus Iste) Fulvio: Is this in Russian?
~~~~~
Dan: I just wanted to let you know that I'm comfortable with YOUR sexuality.
~~~~~
(On mammograms) Dr. Mattison: I glow in the dark now from all the radiation.
~~~~~
Cris: The nice thing about dating someone who looks like a 12-year old is there's nothing illegal about it.
~~~~~
Derek: Did you just call me Darryl? D. Harper: Well you look like a Darryl when you're bent over!
~~~~~
(Later on...) Crazy Liz: Who is this Darryl and why are you bending him over?!
~~~~~
(Talking to my roommie on AIM while we are both in the room) Shannie85: I love how we always type lol even though clearly we are not laughing out loud cause if we were we'd hear each other.
~~~~~
Me: I've never looked gooder! Michelle: It's ok, my grammar radar is off tonight.
~~~~~
(On how salmon swim up waterfalls) Jeanette: They're crazy, CRAZY fish!
~~~~~
(Comparing two women from Baroque and Impressionism paintings) Dr. Lynch: Okay, Hundred Yard Dash, who'd be quicker?
~~~~~
Dr. Lynch: My 13 yr. old daughter has a boyfriend but its okay...because he's gay and those are the best kind of boyfriends for a 13 yr. old to have.
~~~~~
kjmusic13: i looked at ur dbq packet for ur ap exam kjmusic13: ur so smart ;-) kjmusic13: i was like THIS IS A GENIUS
*****
Joel's away message:can we say craaaazyt night??/ im goijg to nbed ijfdust to wake uipo-od....i love carriei
[efk[
*****
Dr. Reid: Can't help but glance at those ripped pecs?
*****
DefyGravity0925: do you know that song that goes "oh mexico.." iDoWhatiCandan: with oh on mi and mex on re and i and co on do? iDoWhatiCandan:with was the longest word of that sentence
*****
Mom: I got Fiddler on the Roof and Blow Job. Note: She meant Italian Job.
*****
(After having to repeat herself to my grandma about her plans with her boyfriend, Emily gets frustrated) Emily: WE'RE GONNA HAVE SEX! My grandma: You're gonna get a kick in the ass. Charlie: Only if they do it wrong.
*****
(Dan is trying to come up with something to replace the twelfth day of Christmas in the song for his girlfriend's gift) Me: Oh oh! Instead of twelve drummers drumming, you could do, twelve fingers numbing and get her gloves!! Dan: Yeah, except that my girlfriend doesn't have twelve fingers. Me: Why not?!
*****
Me: Our amaryllis does look like a penis. Shannon: It is slightly cocked to the left.
*****
(On the small bras on drying racks) Shannon: Have you seen the ones down the hall? Peanut-size...mosquito bites.
*****
Me: I hope the civ. scream is good. And by good, I mean LOTS of nudity. Shannon: And by lots of nudity, you mean boys. Me: But it's cold, I feel like not many guys will get naked. Shannon: That's okay, just as long as the ones that do are quality.
*****
(During a very late night of work with Shan) Shannon's away message:haha I could put any away message up right now and it wouldn't matter cause Laura and I are the only ones who are awake... in that case... LAURA has great boobs!!!
*****
Monique: I feel geriatric!
*****
Monique: This is why people get drunk, we just do homework!!
