Eminem-Criminal A lot of people ask me.. stupid f***** questions, A lot of people think that.. what I say on records, Or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life, Or that I believe in it, Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that.. I'm actually gonna do it, Or that I believe in it, Well s***, If you believe that, Then I'll k*** you, You know why? Cause I'm a... Criminal! Criminal! You g** damn right, I'm a criminal! Yeah, I'm a criminal! My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge, That'll stab you in the head, whether you're a f** or l**, Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest, Pants or dress - hate f***? The answer's "yes" Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic, Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin, (Ooh!) That's my motherf***** balls, you'd better let go of em, They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em, Hey, it's me, Versace, Whoops, somebody shot me! And I was just checkin the mail, Get it? Checkin the 'male'? How many records you expectin to sell, After your second LP sends you directly to jail? C'mon! - Relax guy, I like gay men, Right, Ken? Give me an amen, (A-men!) Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus, Heal this child, help us destroy these demons, Oh, and please send me a brand new car, And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital, Preacher, preacher, fifth grade teacher, You can't reach me, my mom can't neither, You can't teach me a g** damn thing cause, I watch TV, and Comcast cable, And you ain't able to stop these thoughts, You can't stop me from toppin these charts, And you can't stop me from droppin each March, With a brand new cd for these f***** retards, (Duhhh) And to think, it's just little ol' me, Mr. "Don't Give A F***," still won't leave, Chorus: I'm a criminal, Cuz every time I write a rhyme, These people think it's a crime, To tell em what's on my mind-I guess I'm a criminal, But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird, And keep goin, I don't take s*** from no one, I'm a criminal, Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime, To tell em what's on my mind-I guess I'm a criminal, But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird, And keep goin, I don't take s*** from no one... My mother did drugs; tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed. The baby came out-disfigured, ligaments indeed. It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she, Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me, I'm a criminal-an animal caged who turned crazed, But how the f*** you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised? So as I got older and I got a lot taller, My d*** shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger, I drink malt liquor to f*** you up quicker, Than you'd wanna f*** me up for sayin the word... My morals went (thhbbpp) when the president got oral- Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk, Off of his own employee, Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me, You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired, And my nose is pointy, I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die, In plane crashes and laughs, As long as it ain't happened to him, Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined-the maniac's in, Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today, He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place, (Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face, Don't make me k*** him too and spray his brains all over the place, I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away, I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, aye? I'm a criminal! Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherf*****, get the motherf***** money and get the f*** up outta there, Aight, I'll be right here waitin on you, Aight, Yo Em, What?! Don't kill nobody this time, Awwright... g** damn, f***... (Whistling) How you doin? Hi, how can+ I help you? Yeah I need to make a withdrawl, Okay, Put the f***** money in the bag b****...and I won't k*** you! What? Oh my god, don't k*** me, I'm not gonna k*** you b****, quit lookin around... Don't k*** me, please don't k*** me... I said I'm not gonna f***** k*** you Hurry the f*** up! (BOOM) Thank you! Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it, So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it, So I'll be disguised in it, And if anybody identifies the guy in it, I'll hide for five minutes, Come back, shoot the eyewitness, Then fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business, Die, b******! Pass this brass pest, Cuz Puffy's lucky I didn't blast his a** yet, If I ever gave a f***, I'd shave my nuts, Stuck my d*** inbetween my legs and cluck, You motherf***** chickens ain't brave enough, To say the stuff I say, so this tape is shut, S***, half the s*** I say, I just make it up, To make you mad so kiss my white naked a**, And if it's not a rapper that I make it as, I'ma be a f***** rapist in a Jason mask... (Chorus) Website: http://www.eminem.com or http://www.eminem2000.com