DECEMBER 11, 2000 – CHANTEL’S 20^TH BIRTHDAY

A beautiful child was born to me on this day 20 years ago at 3:25 am. This child is my angel. God gave me the most beautiful girl to love and to nurture, and I did, but for only 17 short years. Today is your birthday and my heart is so heavy with pain from missing you so much. Today you would be out of your teen years. Today we would have celebrated in an even more special way, your 20 and your dear brother 18. To have a brother born on your birthday was something very special. It is something that the two of you will always share. You are not here in body but I know you are with me in spirit. Today I am very selfish, for I wish I could kiss you and hug you and tell you face to face "Happy Birthday". Today is a day that always brought me joy, for the memories of celebrating your birthday is so special. This is the 3^rd year we will be celebrating without you. In my heart I can still see your smiling face on each of your other birthdays. I would make a special cake – half for you and half for Kyle, until you were older; then you each had to have your own. This birthday brings me so much pain but yet I have to feel happy for Kyle, who has reached his "manhood". 18 – an age you didn’t reach. It’s so hard to believe!!!!!

What would you be doing now? How would you look? (besides beautiful as always) How would you act? I am lost in the year at age 17 forever….forever 17 is what you are to me. I will sit here today and think back to all the previous birthdays and parties we had for you, think back to all the fun and laughter we had. We love you so much, Chan. We will always love you. I wonder who will remember today as your birthday? My biggest fear is that you will be forgotten. I know that family and some of your friends will be thinking of you today.

Kyle, Dad and I are going to spend some time together celebrating Kyle’s 18^th birthday. I know you’ll be with us, too. So, as we go through the motions of surviving another birthday without you, I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and heart all day. I love you my sweet angel and I can’t tell you how much I miss you……we all do…..your candle will be lit today. Hope you like the flowers.

LOVE YOU, MISS YOU BADLY – MOM XO

A MOTHER’S LOVE 

A Mother’s love is unique and special;

Nothing else can quite compare.

When you think she’s given all she’s got,

She’ll still have love to spare. 

When the object of her love is taken

For whatever the reason be,

An important part of her goes with her

A part no one else can see. 

You may understand her grief and sorrow,

You may feel a great loss, too.

But what that child meant to her is different

From what the person meant to you. 

She spent nine months with this life within her,

Growing and maturing day by day.

Truly depending on her for existence,

In a very real and vital way. 

A bond is shared between mother and daughter

The first moment of her birth;

Unspoken, unrehearsed, though it be

No word can measure it’s worth.