My Computer Hates Me

My Computer Hates Me

My Computer Hates Me

WE LOVED COMPUTERS. We treasured them, for they brought us new ways to communicate, and to share knowledge. There was that fluttery feeling in our stomachs when we first got online, like a million MSN butterflies.

Well, that phase is over, and now your computer hates you. It will stop at nothing to piss you off. DON'T JUST LET IT GET ITS OWN WAY! RETALIATE! YOUR COMPUTER SUCKS ASS!!! YOUR COMPUTER HATES YOU!!!

You wish to look onward?

You're not alone

Frozen view, blue screens, buzzing beeps, distorted hue. Oh, my computer hates me! Oh my computer hates me!

Choppy sound, loading too slow, bad connections, the screen I wanna pound. Oh, my computer hates me! Oh, my computer hates me!

Booted off all the time, the page cannot be displayed, boxes with Xs, finding a rhyme. Oh, my computer hates me! Oh, my computer hates me!

OH MY COMPUTER HATES ME!!!

Does this song ring so true?

If it does, then yes: Your computer does hate you. And it cannot be helped. Who knows if it can, but as far as we know, nothing will stop the pain. Come join the others, and help each other share the burden of being hated. Why be alone?

Come... join us, and show the world that even though your computer hates you, your pain is shared. To join our sanctuary, the following must be true...

You have a real e-mail address

You have a website

Your site has no elements that we find not suitable (porn, hate, ect.)

And finally... your computer hates you... will stop at nothing to piss you off... freezes often... kicks you offline... gives you the blue screen treatment... has choppy animation or sound... DESPISES YOU...

Would you like to join this sanctuary?

To join our clique of togetherness, send an e-mail to [email protected] in the following format:

Name:____
E-mail:____
Website:____
Why your computer hates you, and the things it does:____

BEFORE you send your e-mail, you must pick one of these buttons to link back to to us with. [http://www.geocities.com/mycomputerhatesmesomuch] SAVE THE BUTTON TO YOUR OWN SERVER please. The button must be in a noticable area on your site. Later on, there will be more to choose from.

(50x50)

A long while ago, I got an e-mail from a person who didn't want to join, but just to vent their issues regarding the computer. This was the single most COOLEST e-mail, that I have ever recieved in the history of the world. So, I saved this e-mail in a notepad file, and kept it stored away. Afterwards, no one joined this fanlisting in many months, until just recently (it is 7-1-04). That reminded me of this e-mail. This person didn't really want to join, but this e-mail was beautifully written, and so I put it up right here for inspiration. If the person does not want it here, it may eventually be taken down. Anyway, enjoy.

Subject: none Date: 08/17/03 10:12PM I don't want to join, I just want to vent.... My computer is the devil incarnte. My computer was top of the line, hand picked and specified, brilliant, shining, white, New. All was well for a year or so. Those were the good times. Playing in the feilds of internet gladness on my Rockin 28K connection. Those were the days. Then it happened. My computer was never the same. One day, it all fell apart. I never knew what to blame it on... a virus? a glitch? Me? I like to refer to it as "the stroke." Stoke victims usually have something wrong with them after they regain consciousness, a paralyzed limb, loss of speech, loss of vision, etc. My computer just lost. There was nothing to do but to do a system restart, from the beginning, all files, gone, forever, zip, byebye. As the screen flickered it's Windows 98 opening screen a calm came over me like things were back to normal... Heh.... as things began to load I noticed frist that there was no chiming sound to welcome me home. Then the big one came. Everything was HUGE. You know when you play with the settings to make things really big, then you laugh and put them back? Yeah well, there was no putting back, this was it. Second. It was either 16 colours (I mean 16, not a gradient, 16) or black and white. I feverishly tried to sign onto the internet to fix this horrible problem, to download something to help. The modem was out too. Tech support was no help. It was up to me. I decided that ALL of the extra cards in the computer had lost thier software. Since it was a self-specified deal, the software for the cards that came with it was non-existant. I found it on the computer maker's website. That was fixed after much time and trial. That's not the end of my story. Heh.... Cable en masse came along and I needed it. Didn't have it in my area (still don't) so I got satellite internet. Worked great for a couple weeks. Then the problems. It would at first, sign off, then not let me sign back on. Then it wouldn't let me sign on at all saying it couldn't talk to the satellite. BS. Not only did I have to load the provider's large amount of software over the internet (they gave me a disk that was for XP only and I was still on 98) but I aslo had to load the receiver's software over the internet. Things were back to normal. Right... Strokes never happen just once if you survive, there was always a second or third one. The second happened right after I reloaded allllll the satellite software. I had to do the same thing I did before with the first stroke. That was great. Periodically the satellite software goes out like it did before and I have to redo that over and over and over. I got the newest virus recently, msblast.exe... I got rid of it... it remains Its no use. I need a new computer that works.....

So just who has joined this place? (last updated: 7/1/04)

1. Dani @ URL
   Why my computer hates me...hmm...well its freezes a lot...and it never goes to the sites i want it too
2. Mollie @ URL
   Why my comp sux so much: Well lemme see...First my mom stuck her magnetinc namebage on the side of the computer and came to me and said, "look mollie it sticks!" *gave mother heavy dosage of screaming about ruining computer* Also after that little "incident" it would spaz out on unnoticed times or have msn not work because it was mad at me. Or take too long to get to a site on the internet that I really want to see. Freeze on a website that I was waiting to load for..Do that systems error and say to press enter to get back to windows when I would press it .wait.press it. wait then get so mad and restart my computer.grrrrrr.then it totally freaked out and decided to be mean and whenever I would try to open a program it would spaz out and trun the screen black.*mumbles*systemrecovery*mumbles* now its just back to its old hateful self having fun pissing me off! NEVER HAVE A COMPUTER FOR MORE THEN 2 YEARS IT WILL TURN ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's a warning! lol kuzz its true!
3. Gaby @ URL
   Why your computer hates you, and the things it does: My computer is really slow and sort of outdated. It takes it a while to do the things I want it to, especially online. Not letting me online and kicking me off are one of it's main hobbies. It also likes showing me errors and freezing and making me re-start. I don't know, but it might secretly have a crush on me, therefore gives me hell to no end.
4. Sam @ URL
   Why my PC hates me: I have (numerous times) knocked the monitor off the desk, stuck magnets on it and basically abuse it. :) It is filled with every virus imaginable, it deletes my files and erases memory. I HATE MY COMPUTER!!!!
5. Sarah @ URL
   Why my computer hates me and the things it does: It freezes and blue-screens at least once per week, and if I have it on for more than 8 hours a day, it starts to lose time on the clock. The processor sucks, and I'm running out of disk space. Good riddance, evil puter.
6. Emily @ URL
   Why my computer hates me, and the things it does: My computer just plain out doesn't like me. Every time I'm doing something really important, it freezes. It's too damn slow and my internet connection speed is pathetic. In fact, it is so pathetic its slower than dial up.
7. Ben @ URL
   Why my computer hates me: Where should I start? It refuses to load any page without having some sort of error, my monitor is all screwed because it likes to go completely purple for no reason at all, my printer got fried..If you click on a webpage before it's done loading, (Not Responding) will show up at the top, and of course you have to hit the almighty powerful, oh-too-familiar key code: CTRL+ALT+DEL, and fix it. It refuses to load my hotmail, so I'm forced to use Excite. I think it's out to get me.
8. Manda @ URL
   My computer is particularily evil in the sense that it works for everyone else in my family EXCEPT me. My friends laugh at me, and little brother thinks I'm a retard. But I swear the thing hates me. It freezes randomly, it signs off and on to the internet completely of it's own free will (many a time I've considerered if perhaps what we really need to "fix" the compouter is an exorcist...), and it deletes the programs needed to run the internet (in my case, our .NET passports). Which is why it's no longer possible to access the internet from that computer, and hence I am forced to find alternate means, i.e. school, the library, my friends' houses, etc. It's a tough life.