(Of all the random days for Stevie to go insane, this had to be the one. It has been a good six months since last you joined us, and along with adapting to being the Queen of Gondor she has become rather accustomed to her rather rotund stomach. And so we find a six month pregnant Stevie jumping on a rather perplexed Aragorn. What a sight that is.)
Aragorn: Stevie, you can�t be doing this in your conditions!
Stevie: (grabs his tunic desperately) I need cheez balls!
Aragorn: You need what?
Stevie: I have a craving for cheez balls, Aragorn. You will get me cheez balls.
Aragorn: I have never before heard of these �cheez balls�, my love, thus I find fulfilling your request to be rather difficult.
Stevie: (groans) This isn�t fair!
Aragorn: What isn�t, Stevie?
Stevie: I have food cravings for all these things that we had back in my world! I can�t get those here and I am beginning to get rather cranky!
Aragorn: Ask the Sprites. They should be able to help you.
Stevie: Good idea. (yells) Spritey dudes!
Spry: (poofing) What do you want?
Stevie: Go get me some cheez balls, please?
Spry: Sorry, can�t do that.
Dawdle: (poofing) Can�t do what, sis?
Spry: Get her cheez balls.
Dawdle: Oh.
Stevie: (glaring) Why can you not get me cheez balls?
Spry: Well, it�s complicated. We can�t just go and bring back random foodstuffs for you to eat every time you have a mid-pregnancy food craving. And, we have resolved that for the safety of this realm that your children are not to know of your heritage. So, by feeding yourself and your unborn child cheez balls we are violating that.
Aragorn: Makes sense enough, I suppose.
Stevie: Why? Why does it have to make sense? (pouts) I want cheez balls!
Dawdle: Well, those things aren�t really that good for you anyway. Make you fat and give you high cholesterol.
Aragorn: (confused) High what?
Stevie: Never mind! Not like I can get much fatter anyway.
Spry: Well, you can, and you�re going to.
Stevie: Ugh! This stinks! I am going to go throw a childish temper tantrum outside for everyone to see so they can think their queen is mentally unstable! Which I am because a certain King of Gondor keeps me cooped up inside because he�s afraid I�ll hurt myself!
Aragorn: (frowns) I�m just concerned for your safety and that of our child.
Stevie: (jabs a finger at him) Aragorn, I�m a pregnant woman, not a bumbling retard!
Aragorn: Stevie, we�ve talked about this�
Stevie: Talked about it? You�ve been bossing me around for the past six months. Shutty has more freedom than I do.
Aragorn: So?
Stevie: (peeved) Shutty is a freaking sheep! In the middle of the greatest city in Middle-earth! So the sheep gets to wander around into people�s homes and become an ale connoisseur while I am the one penned up like a farm animal! If you�d stick me outside I�d probably be one!
(Spry and Dawdle decide this would be a good time to �poof� off again before they end up dead. Stevie is obviously angry, and Aragorn is rather exasperated over the whole situation. Needless to say, Stevie has been anything but easy to deal with in the last six months. Thank the Valar there are only three left to go!)
Aragorn: Fine, you know what, you go out and do whatever you like! Just take Van with you, for my sake, please?
Stevie: (suddenly perky) Really?
Aragorn: Of course, but if you aren�t back by supper I�ll have every man, woman, and child in Gondor out looking for you. Do I make myself clear?
Stevie: Yep! Anything else?
Aragorn: Yes. Don�t go down past the fifth level of the city.
Stevie: Why not?
Aragorn: Never you mind. Just do as I say, will you?
(Later, down at Van and Halbarad�s humble abode, Stevie and Van are hanging out talking. Goodness knows what about, but that isn�t important. What is important is that there is a knock at the door, which Van answers. The person behind the knock turned out to be a messenger bearing a letter for Van. She thanked the messenger and brought the letter inside.)
Stevie: Who�s it from?
Van: (opens letter) It�s from Harper, straight from Tolfalas but two days ago.
Stevie: What�s it say?
Van: (reading out loud) Dearest Van, before I start, no there is nothing wrong down here; everything�s fine. I would like Stevie to be here when you read this. I did not send a letter to her because I know Aragorn sorts through the mail. Anyway, I thought it would be good of me to inform you of the recent discovery that I too am with child. I apologize for being so incredibly frank, but I feel like crap and I am throwing up every three minutes. I�m sure you understand my need for briefness unless you also want me to send you my breakfast with this letter. I shall be back in Minas Tirith soon enough and most definitely for the birth of your child, Stevie. I regret that I couldn�t tell you guys in person and would appreciate it if you would inform Kit. I would have sent her a letter but I have heard she is en route to Dol Amroth and I fear my letter shall not reach her. Thank you. With lots of that lovey dovey girly goop, Harper.
Stevie: Awesome!
Van: Aww! Next thing you know there are going to be babies all over the place!
Stevie: That�s a disturbing image.
Van: I thought you liked kids?
Stevie: Oh I do, it�s just that I�m rather disturbed at the thought of our offspring all over the place. (twitches) Weird.
Van: Oh! Look at the time! We have to get you back to the Citadel before Aragorn has a cow!
Stevie: Oh, that�s just what we need. He�s already got an entire herd of them. Last thing we need is another!
