Chapter Twenty Nine: Disconcertion and a Trip to Dunharrow
(We�re sill in the lovely, scenic, and still rather flooded Isengard, where everyone is preparing to pack up and move out. It is actually a rather interesting scene, when you look at it. The hobbits are sloshing around, or should I say Merry is sloshing around. Pippin is too busy sulking after Gandalf yelled at him after he sorta-kinda accidentally found the Palantir. So now, you have Pip sulking, Gandalf trying to hide something the size of a bowling ball in his cloak, Van trying to avoid Legolas who wants to apologize, and Stevie is being bored to tears as Aragorn and Theoden talk about the breeding of horses. There is also Kit, who, out of severe boredom, has her horse next to Eomer�s and his poking him.)
Eomer: Must you do that?
Kit: I must.
Eomer: Why?
Kit: Because I am bored on a level of absurdity.
Eomer: So if we were to leave this instant, you would cease your bothering me?
Kit: Yep.
(That seems to be all the incentive Eomer needs to get everyone going. Seeing that Eomer is getting his other guys ready to leave, Stevie leads her horse over to Pippin, picks him up, and places him in the saddle in front of her. Van does the same with Merry and along with Kit on her own horse, they head over to Haldir at the main gate.)
Haldir: Oh, glad to see you�ve joined me. Took you long enough. Where is everyone else?
Kit: Well, there�s Eomer and his dudes. (waves) Hi Eomer!
Eomer: (cringes slightly) Hello, Kit. We�re going. Stevie, if you would be so kind as to go and hurry Aragorn and my uncle along?
Stevie: Oh yeah, no problem.
(Stevie rides off back into Isengard to find Theoden and Aragorn still sitting atop their horses talking about breeding them. She groans.)
Stevie: Will you two hurry it up? You can talk about how to get your horses to screw each other once we�ve gotten to Dunharrow!
Aragorn: Stevie, the breeding of horses is a very important subject, not something to be taken so lightly.
Stevie: Well you, and Mr. Kinglypants of Rohan, can talk about it later. I�m not sitting here all day. Besides, Eomer wants you to hurry up. Kit�s been driving him nuts.
Theoden: Oh, well in that case let us get on the road!
Aragorn: Is Haldir up there waiting too?
Stevie: Yes, and he thinks you are the slowest thing in all of Middle-earth. He was getting a bit impatient.
Aragorn: Oh wonderful. I don�t like Elves when their cranky.
Stevie: Then how the heck did you ever spend so much time around Arwen?
(Over at yonder Gladden River there is another amusing sight to be seen. Boromir is trying to climb a tree, and Harper is standing below him. He looks as though he�s having some difficulty.)
Harper: I don�t think this is a good idea.
Boromir: What do you mean?
Harper: I think you�re getting too old for the tree-climbing business.
Boromir: Oh, so stick me in a tree and then I become old?
Harper: Sorta-kinda. You�ve going to fall and kill yourself.
Boromir: I am not.
Harper: Are you sure those eggs are really worth it?
Boromir: If they weren�t worth it, would I be up here?
Harper: I don�t know. You�ve been all crazy lately. I just hope it�s worth it when you fall off and break a hip or something.
Boromir: I am not that old.
Harper: Tell that to your hip.
(Boromir climbs a little higher and reaches out to a bird�s nest out on another branch. He starts to lose his balance a wee bit, so pulls his hand back to steady himself. Then he reaches out again, and the branch under him cracks, and he falls out of the tree. He lands on his back with a �thud� right next to Harper.)
Harper: Don�t fall.
Boromir: Thanks for the wonderful advice, my love, but I do believe it is a tad bit too late for that.
Harper: Did you break your hip?
Boromir: (glares) No, I did not break my hip. Now knock it off and help an old man up.
(Harper laughs and helps Boromir back on his feet. She brushes some dirt off of him and smirks.)
Harper: May I do it this time?
Boromir: (sighs) Fine.
(Harper hops up into the tree, climbs a bit, and then gets to the bird�s nest. With little difficulty, she reaches out, grabs the nest, complete with eggs, and hops back down again. She smirks at him, knowing she has just proven that once again, she can do something that he can�t, and that he would�ve spared himself a lot of pain if he had just let her do it in the first place.)
Boromir: (rolls his eyes) All right, all right. I should�ve let you do it in the first place. I am sorry.
Harper: Apology accepted. Let�s eat.
Boromir: You know we are running low on food. I�m going to have to go hunting soon.
Harper: (looks at him incredulously) You? Hunt?
Boromir: (looks indignant) I can hunt!
Harper: I�m sure you can. The question is: what are you going to hunt? Squirrels?
Boromir: I don�t know. I�ll figure something out.
Harper: Well, worse comes to worse, we can always try fishing.
Boromir: That�s a good idea. Goodness knows there�s a ton of fish in the river. But I get to do it, not you.
Harper: Why not?
Boromir: Because you�ll probably end up hanging yourself with the fishing line.
Harper: Oh, gee, Boromir. Glad to know you have such great faith in my basic motor skills.
(Back on the Road to Dunharrow, Stevie is trying to get Van to do something, other than just sit there on her horse like she is dead and stuff. She�s poked her, yelled at her, and even tried tickling her, but Van hasn�t responded.)
Stevie: Okay, that�s it. Talk to me now, or I�ll have Gandalf give you hobbit feet!
Van: (jerks and yells) NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOT THE ICKY HOBBIT FEET!
Stevie: (grins with accomplishment) I thought that would work.
Van: Ugh. Stop trying to bother me. I�m trying to see if I can look like I�m dead.
Stevie: Well, you know, everybody died, �cept for me. You know why? Cuz I had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position!
Van: Well, so much for the dead thing.
Stevie: No, now you have this aura of�..I dunno. Disconcertion?
Van: I guess. I�m just worried and upset and confused and�..everything!
Stevie: You need a guy.
Van: I guess.
Stevie: Well, how about Eomer?
Van: I don�t know, Stevie. He�s cute.
Stevie: Just cute? I think he�s got this rugged manly thing going on. Maybe rugged and manly isn�t your thing, though.
Van: I don�t know, maybe. I�ve never tried. Legolas was the first person I ever truly loved.
Stevie: Well, you�ve got a thing for Elves. What about Haldir?
Van: Haldir? I don�t think so, Stevie. I�m not even sure if I could love an Elf again. Besides, he doesn�t seem as though he�d ever be interested in anyone, let alone a puny mortal chick like me.
Stevie: (frowns) Don�t talk like that. You�re not a puny mortal chick. You�re you, Van. But, I don�t know if he�s really your type. I don�t know what he even goes for in a gal.
Van: I don�t know. You�ve known him longer than I have. He�s to take us to Lothlorien after Dunharrow, right?
Stevie: Yeah, that�s the deal I made with Aragorn.
Van: A promise?
Stevie: Aye, a promise.
Van: One that you are going to keep, right?
Stevie: Unless something comes up, yes.
Van: I don�t like the sound of that.
Stevie: Either did he. Which means that he�s probably going to tie me up, shove me in a sack, and then let Haldir take me to Lothlorien.
Van: That�d be funny.
Stevie: (glowering) Maybe for you, not for me. Maybe I should have him put you in one too.
Van: Umm�..no, that is alright. Really, it is.
Stevie: Yep. Uhuh. So, back to guys. (points at a dude) That Rohirrim guy over there has a nice bum.
Van: Oh hey, would you look at that�..
Stevie: See, I told you we�d make progress! Actually, I think it�s a whole nation-wide thing. All this Rohan guys have nice bums. Ohh�..even the old guys still have nice bums.
Van: That is disgusting, but then again, hey. Aragorn is like�..five times your age?
Stevie: Yeah, he�s got a nice bum too. At least Aragorn doesn�t look old.
Van: This is true.
Aragorn: (out of nowhere) Why are you talking about my bum?
Stevie: (mocking what he said before about breeding horses) Aragorn, the discussion of your bum is a very important subject, not something to be taken so lightly.
Aragorn: (staring blankly) I have to be more careful about the things I say to you, don�t I?
