Chapter Seven: Goodbyes and Farewells For the Homies
Spry: Welcome to yet another glorious moment of lunacy here, where insanity abounds. When last you left us, the fellowship was enjoying their breakfast. Now that this has been finished, they are preparing to leave. Now I do believe that we should see what our heroines are up to, and see how their preparations are doing.
(With a poof we find ourselves in a bedroom with the four girls rummaging through things. They completely ignore Spry. She coughs and the girls look up.)
Kit: (waves) Oh hey, magical spritey dude!
Spry: Hello. What�s happening?
Stevie: We�re just getting some stuff ready for the trip. Not like that�s been hard. We don�t really have anything of our own, so the Elves have gotten us all sorts of good stuff.
Spry: You guys do know that you are sort of messing things up here.
Kit: Well that�s kind of your fault. You sent us here.
Spry: No, I�m talking about the whole leaving Rivendell thing.
Harper: They didn�t know about the two months. I told them, but if we stay here any longer we�re going to go insane, and we�re going to get ourselves into more trouble. I think we�ve worn out our welcome.
Spry: Well, you don�t seem like the traveling type, so with the two extra months everything should finish on schedule anyway. Besides, it�s only two months. So what kind of stuff have the elves supplied?
Van: Shinies!!
Harper: (rolls her eyes) We�ve been given more human oriented Elvish riding habits. They�re more like Elvish traveling clothes with some modifications for humans. Some Elvish boot or shoe things, some fancy belts for our weapons which we have yet to be given.
Spry: I wonder why that is�..
Stevie: (laughs) Me too. I mean, we�re competent enough to maintain pointy limb-hacking objects without supervision.
Kit: (not noting the sarcasm) We are? Since when?
Van: Shinies!!
Harper: Random pieces of jewelry or whatever that crap is. I don�t know�..and some blankets and other essentials for the traveling teenage female.
Spry: Do you have any intentions of bringing the stuff you do have? I don�t know if you�ll be able to carry it with you.
Kit: I�m leaving it here; I�m not fit for travel to begin with. I don�t want to have to carry more than necessary.
Van: I am taking all the shiny stuff!
Stevie: Van will be taking only the necessaries as well. I have nothing to take with me, so what the Elves have given me will be fine.
Spry: That�s good. What about you, Harper?
Harper: Just my bandana and ski goggles, but then again I bring them with me almost everywhere. I almost never have them off me, save for the few times when the guys here come over for movies.
Spry: The trademark thing. Yeah. How did that come about, anyway?
Harper: Well, the bandana started first. Stevie and I were cleaning my basement and there was this weird stain on the floor and I was trying to get it out and Stevie comes over and suggest trying to use some bleach. Well, she went to go pour some on the stain but somehow she managed to spill it atop of my head. Needless to say, after that, I didn�t want anyone to see my hair.
Stevie: I said I was sorry about that.
Harper: And your apology was accepted.
Spry: So what about the ski goggles?
Harper: Another freak accident. We were over at Kit�s place making brownies�..or attempting to�..and I walked behind Van who was stirring the mix. I said something and she raised the spoon out of the bowl and turned around to look at me and she whacked be in the eye with the giant spoon. I had a really nice shiner. So you can guess what happened after that.
Spry: Interesting. Anyway, it looks like you�re done so I�m gonna take you guys on down to the gates.
(With another magical and blinding poof we arrive at the gates. There we find all 9 members of the fellowship, or 10, if you count Bill who is cooler than all of them, waiting. Along with them are all these Elves that are looking very Elf-ish.)
Kit: (looking freaked out) Make them stop!
Spry: Stop what?
Kit: They�re looking at me.
Spry: (looks confused) I don�t get it.
Kit: The Elves and stuff. They�re looking at me. They are STARING at me.
Spry: So?
Kit: They�re going to laugh at me.
Spry: No they aren�t.
Kit: Yes they are.
Voice: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kit: I told you! The Elves laughed at me!
Harper: No, that was me.
Kit: Oh. That�s okay then.
Spry: Riiiiiiiiigggghhhhhtttt�..
Elrond: (clears throat) You chosen 13 are setting out on a quest to Mount Doom�
Stevie: (interrupts him) There are 14 of us! Stop forgetting Bill! He�s cooler than you!
Elrond: (Ignoring Stevie) the trip will be perilous, and some of you may not return.
Harper: Well that�s encouraging. Words of Joy and Comfort from Elrond the Optimist.
Elrond: Well, would you rather I tell you that you are all going to burn and die?
Harper: Dude, no need to be so negative. Now we�re all with the Words of Death and Burnination with Elrond the Pessimist.
Elrond: �..burnination�..? That�s not a word!
Stevie: Actually it is, because Strong Bad uses it. He�s cooler than all of you. Just like Bill, only on a more sophisticated level.
Elrond: (angry, frustrated, and confused) Okay, that�s it! All of you get out! NOW!
(The Fellowship turns and walks out the gates. Stevie and Harper stop and turn around. They stand side by side and bow gracefully. Or as gracefully as the two of them could�..if you call that graceful.)
Stevie and Harper: (imitating Strong Bad�s voice in unison) Goodbye and farewell to all you homies.
(The two stand up straight, turn on their heels, and walk out after everyone else, leaving the �homies� in a very confused and disturbed state.)
Spry: You did not just call the entire populace of Rivendell �homies�.
Stevie: Yes we did.
Spry: Well, Imladris will never be the same.
Harper: Everything we come in contact with seems to go awry, not like that�s a bad thing.
Stevie: (nods) Like I always say: Normality is overrated.
Harper: Why do you always steal parts of my ridiculous quotes?
Stevie: I did not steal it!
Harper: You did so. I said: Society is thick, Normality is overrated, Lunacy is underestimated, and in the midst of it all, I remain relatively sane.
Spry: What kind of a quote is that? That doesn�t make any sense.
Stevie: Oh yeah, I remember that. Sorry.
Harper: It doesn�t have to make sense. I said it while on a complete sugar high while the Stupid Demon was making his rounds.
Spry: The Stupid Demon?
Harper: There is this imaginary dude called the Stupid Demon who, after eleven o�clock at night, comes around and if you are still awake he does this magical pixie dust thing, kinda like the sandman sleep dude, and it makes you all incoherent and stupid.
Stevie: It�s not something to take seriously or anything, but we found that after eleven during our little�..get togethers�..that we started acting stupider than usual. So we invented the stupid demon.
Spry: Righty-o! Well, I do believe that you have quite a bit of walking to do, so I shall leave you to it. Tata!
(Spry magically poofs off, leaving Stevie and Harper trailing behind the others.)
Legolas: (Yelling back towards them) You two had best hurry up. We wouldn�t want you to get too far behind.
Stevie: This bites. Why does creepy sprite lady get to poof everywhere while we have to walk all the way across the freaking continent?
Harper: The price you pay for chilling in a buddyship.
Stevie: Did you just call the Fellowship a buddyship?
Harper: Yep. Fellowship seems too�..blah�..so we are officially the Buddyship of the Evil and Shiny Round Thing.
Stevie: Why �buddy�?
Harper: Because �dudeship� sounded like a name for a bunch of surfers, �palship� was stupid and too hippie-ish, �friendship� doesn�t fit, and �chumship� sounded like something a bunch of British junkies would call themselves. That left �buddy�.
Stevie: I see. It�s brilliant!
Gandalf: (Yelling back at them) Will you two hurry up! We have a long way to go!
(The two girls look at each other and smirk. They start walking faster towards the group that has now just been deemed �The Buddyship of the Evil and Shiny Round Thing�. Harper pulls her ski goggles down from atop her head and puts them on.)
Stevie: (in a weird narrator�s voice) The Buddyship has set off on their journey. The journey to save all of Middle-earth from peril, while risking their own lives in the process. These brave heroes are none other than�..
Harper: (also in a weird narrator�s voice) A bunch of cranky, PMSing old dudes, a bunch of circus midgets, and some randomly placed teenage girls. Oh yeah, and a pony named Bill. The fate of all Middle-earth lies in the hands�..and hooves�..of these fourteen�..out of which there are nine males with hands who are complete imbeciles. Don�t look now, Middle-earth, because I think you�re doomed!
(The two finally catch up with the others and for a few moments all is silent, until�..)
Boromir: I am not an imbecile.
Harper: Yes you are.
Boromir: (angry) No I am not.
Harper: Yes you are.
Boromir: If I am an imbecile than you are an insolent wench!
Harper: Insolent I will agree to, but I am not a wench.
Boromir: Yes you are.
Harper: No I am not, you Stage-One-Flirter.
Boromir: I am not flirting!
Harper: Yes you are. You�re turning red.
Boromir: No I am not, wench.
Harper: Shut up!
Boromir: Do not tell me what to do, wench.
Harper: You are so annoying! I think I would have preferred Figwit over this!
Boromir: We�re still near Rivendell. This can be arranged.
Harper: Oh no, we wouldn�t want that. You might start to miss me.
Boromir: I would not miss you in a thousand lifetimes.
Harper: Yep. I�m sure.
Boromir: Silence, woman!
Harper: Don�t call me woman!
Stevie: (is walking near them, shaking her head) This is going to be a long trip. Hey, what do I expect? We�re here where insanity abounds!
