"I believe in the sun even when it does not shine. I believe in love even when it is not expressed. And I believe in God even when He is silent.” These words were found scrawled on the walls of an old Nazi prison camp.

Although God has not been silent these past few weeks, we do wonder what He is doing and what the next year will bring. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

From September 12-14, we felt like we were caught in a time warp, reliving an experience that we had hoped never to repeat. Just like in June 1999, an ultrasound revealed the unwanted news: “I’m sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat.” Back into the hospital we went, and for the second time in four years Christie delivered a baby that could fit in the palm of our hands. Another boy: Simon Matthew Hoos.

You have truly been our spiritual family over the past years and especially these difficult weeks. God’s arms around us are yours. His nourishment comes to us in casseroles and sympathy cards. We have felt His comfort. We have great hope.

At the same time, we have pain and struggle. Many have mentioned our “great faith” and “spiritual maturity”. This is kind of embarrassing. After all, only our best and most admirable thoughts are put down on paper. We rarely speak of the ugly thoughts and dark feelings. The truth is we bring only brokenness to the table; it is God who strengthens.

There is a great temptation to put our best foot forward, to impress you with our calm acceptance of this hurt; but we are committed to being real. Those of you who know us best, know that we aren’t big believers in polite lies. So, we ask you to be patient with us in the process of grief. It might get a bit bumpy.

Downer, huh? And yet, this is the real stuff of life. Our deepest hurts and deepest joys are mixed together. We cry and laughmore easily these days. The important things of life are relished and superficiality is disdained. Heaven is more real and more desirable than ever. God uses brokenness.

It rained on Simon’s birthday. We couldn’t see the sun, but we knew it was there. And God was there too. We couldn’t see Him or understand what He was doing, but His faithfulness in the little things gives us confidence to believe that He is at work in the larger picture too.