Bar Room Brawl: Vulcan Raven vs.
Nakedman
Dale: Nakedman charges forward first. It looks like he isn’t too
happy about that whole name calling incident, he runs into Vulc… he has a arm
waiting for him. Nakedman runs straight into a clothesline.
Chip: Vulc was psyching him out man. Now that he insulted him,
he got Nakedman angry… and he will be unable to think straight and use
strategy. It’s genius I tell you.
Dale: Genius? Why it’s a low down, dirty shame, that’s what it is.
Now Vulcan Raven is picking Nakedman up, he is tossing him into the soda
bottles…
CRASH… Nakedman thumps right into the stack of 2-liter bottles,
which fall off and start to roll around the floor.
Dale: Nakedman is getting assaulted now, Vulc is over and down
to him. He’s kicking him… and now it looks like he is taking some object off of
that shelf.
Chip: Its one of those Red Hot Sausages. I love those things.
Dale: He is whipping Nakedman in the face with it. Its gonna
leave some red gashes, but I’ve got to remind all of you fans watching that any
object found inside of this store is a legal object.
Chip: Including the weenie-roaster. Man, we saw Nakedman feel
that last match.
Dale: Nakedman seems to have gotten loose and is running around
the isle. Lets see what his first piece of offense is going to be… he comes
over to Vulcan Raven… OH MY! Nakedman is down on his knees, he is tending to
his… err… umm…
Chip: Groin is the word I think you are looking for. Vulc just
kicked him in the jimmy.
Dale: Yes, groin… thank you Chip. Nakedman is riddled in pain
right now; he is leaning face down to the recently mopped floor. It looks like
that sick Vulcan Raven is going to beat him while he is down. He is kicking him
in the back of his skull!
Chip: Come on, start using some objects! This place is loaded
with objects.
Vulcan Raven looks up and runs
his hand through his hair as Nakedman starts to cough up naked blood. Vulc
looks over to the window and sees a zealous fan outside. He holds up a sign
that says: ‘Vulcan, Kill Nakedman!”
Vulc gives a wink to the fan
and points his finger at him. He then positions Nakedman with his head up and
takes a few steps back.
Dale: Vulcan Raven is coming forward again, he’s jumping into a
splash… and Nakedman quickly jolts himself out of the way. Vulcan Raven meets
with a stockpile of Nestea.
Chip: No! No! Agh… Nakedman is such an idiot. I can’t see why I
wanted him to win last round. He should have been thrown away with the rest of
the garbage.
Dale: Nakedman is picking up the dazed Vulcan Raven, he seems a
bit angry at the moment… he punches him in the jaw… again… again… again.
Chip: Hahaha… you sound like that baby from ‘Dinosaurs.’
Remember that show? What, huh? Oh, never mind….
Dale: …And Vulc spits in Naked’s face. Wait a minute… what is
Nakedman doing… it looks like he is bringing their faces closer together.
Chip: AGH! I think Nakedman is trying to kiss him. He is a
fruity-booty! Someone stop him!
Nakedman leans his face forward… Vulc looks a little worried about this whole situation… I mean, you would be too if a big naked man who you were calling gay earlier looked like he was about to tongue you.
Nakedman head-butts Vulc.
Chip: Ohh… thank God.
Dale: Looks like Nakedman is playing the game of psyching out
his opponent now, Nakedman with a chop to the midsection sends Vulc gasping for
air.
Grimm: Man, this match has not been that good at all so far.
Excuse me guys. I’ve got to go take a leak. Tell me if I missed anything.
Grimm gets up and walks to the back of the store, making Nakedman look over at what was going on. Vulc capitalizes.
Dale: Vulcan Raven with a new burst of strength out of nowhere,
Vulc begins to climb up atop the shelf!
Chip: Yeah… look… but Nakedman is following too. What’s up with
that?
Dale: I have no idea. But those shelves are 6 feet high …they
are both trying to get some sort of elevation advantage!
Chip: It is going to get dangerous up there. I only think that
those things are about a foot or two wide. That whole thing could come toppling
down any moment.
Dale: Both men are at the top… they are throwing the hits back
and fourth. Nakedman is charging at Vulcan and trying to push him down. The
structure of the isle is not that sturdy though… it could fall at any minute…
you can see the canned soups and breads starting to fall off. This is no place
for them to be!
Chip: Yeah Vulc- do it!
Vulcan Raven ducks an elbow, nearly falling off the top of the shelf himself, but he dips below Nakedman and comes back up near his big, naked rear end. He pushes it and Nakedman falls off the side.
Dale: OH THE HUMANITY! Nakedman has been pushed off the side…
will he fall to his death?!
Chip: Ummm… Jim.
Dale: Nakedman got a hand onto the shelf before he fell down. He
is hanging onto the side for his dear life…
Chip: …Jim Dale… are you listening to me?
Dale: If Vulcan Raven stomps Nakedman’s hands the last grip on life will be released and that poor Nakedman will surely fall to unknowable injury!
Chip: JIM!!!!!!
Dale: *snap* Huh? What, did you say something Chip?
Chip: Yes… that shelf is only like 6 feet tall. Nakedman doesn’t
have to hang on. His feet are touching the ground… he is not going to fall
to his death.
Nakedman suddenly looks down, and notices his naked feet touching the floor.
Nakedman: Oh, that’s right.
Hahaha.
He lets go of the shelf as Vulc looks down.
Dale: Vulcan Raven is still up at the top with some elevation on
Nakedman, he could dive onto him at any moment. Nakedman ceases the opportunity
and begins to shake the shelf… it looks like he is trying to knock Vulc off!
Vulcan Raven stands atop, trying not to fall off of the shelf, he maintains his balance as best as he can, waiving his arms like one of those stupid people on the ropes at a circus.
Dale: And Vulc loses his balance! He crashes back-first into the
top of the shelf. Fortunately for him he didn’t fall the next six feet down,
that could have caused some damage to his body.
Chip: Now that moron Nakedman is trying to climb back up there
again? What is his problem? First off he’s too stupid to wear clothing, and
second he wants to mount an infrastructure that has already proven itself to be
unstable. It’s amazing that this naked idiot hasn’t already killed himself.
Dale: Now Naked is at the top, he is standing over Vulcan
Raven’s body.
Vulc
– Oh my God… is that… Agh! Must… close… my… eyes…
Chip: That isn’t fair. Nakedman’s jewels are towering over
Vulc’s face. That is enough to make any slammer loose his game.
Dale: Nakedman is bending down and picking Vulc up. I wonder
what he wants to do.
Chip: Whatever it is, it can’t be good.
Nakedman plops Vulcan Raven’s head in between his legs (you read it, now close your eyes and visualize it, yeah).
Dale: No… no… he’s not going to try it on top of the shelf! He can’t be contemplating a move like that way up there- the power will cause the shelf to fall over!
Chip: What, are you psychic or something? There are like a
million moves that start that way… what is he going to do?
Dale: Here it comes, he’s lifting him up!!… POWERBOMB!!!
The naked slammer Powerbombs Vulcan Raven right on the top of the shelf. The initial impact makes quite a bang… but soon there is a second crack heard…
In suspense yet? No? Damn.