| Journal Entries |
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| Day 110 11/23/02 - Wooo, last night was fun hehe. I wish Metropolis was opened more often, it's MUCH better than trashy-ass palladium, the music was WAY better i can tell you that. i wanna go out tonight but I'm just so damn tired. It's damn depressing. I think i'll just take a short little nap and go out later, i dunno. maybe not. i'm pooped. my laundry is piling up and my sheets are dirty again. yeesh, high maintenance arent they? hehe. oh woe is me. if only i was straight then it wouldnt other me as much. hehe i'm sitting here drinking beer, developing my alcoholism. almost out of both beer and hard alcohol, i'm pissed. whats an alcoholic without alcohol? I REALLY wanna go out tonight but i dont know y i'm outta energy. maybe i've been jerking off too much hehe. my man-juice is gone. LOL that sounds like a gay porn dont it? okay i'm rambling outta my ass again. shut up Nathan! Okay i think i'll lie down. things are getting blurry lol. Day 109 11/21/02 - Turkey day soon, egad. family day, thank god i have no relatives to tell me how i loused up my life hehe. *sigh* i miss me mom. i've been crying in my sleep alot lately and i guess i just havent gotten over it. and prolly never will, i dont think i want to. I dont know what's going on anymore. Did i mention i'm still ticked off that i have to work next friday? ON MY BIRTHDAY? good for nothing evil corporation. after all of the loyal services ive done for them. GRR. no i'm not bitter. anywho, how lousy is that? i mean u only get one day off which is thanksgiving and no other days. talk about Scrooges. I think i'm getting sick. I've been waking up the past nights with a bloody nose. damn weird ass asian allergy. i think i'm allergic to ghetto people. In other news, I need a BF hehe. Wish i wasnt so needy lol. not needy, just need someone i can call up and just talk to. someone besides my bestfriends ya know? it's tiring. Day 108 11/19/02 - 10 days and counting til my birthday, i'm turning 29 er. i meant 19, stupid real age hehe. I'm gunna go and get sloppy drunk MORE SO than usual hehe. seen those folks who gets carried out at clubs with ambulance? that's gunna be me. hehe just joshing. my best friends are gunna come spend the night with me so that's something i look forward to. now all i gotta do is password my com and go hide all of my gay porn. i think i'm suffering from withdrawal, havent touch sushi for a week. oh god, the world's gonna end. =) 11 days til i get paid LOL. i'm just wondering where my paycheck goes. it was only 4 days ago that i got paid. Cheeesus. Maybe ill go Leech off of my sis' food on turkey day. and bring my friends with me. hey I cant cook LOL so they gotta feed me. poor Brad and Asheleigh hehe, i'll eat down their house. let's hope brad gets rich quick so i can mooch. a guy can dream cant he? hehe Day 107 11/17/02 - Sunday, bloody sunday. I cant believe i slept until 6 today, i was supposed to wake up at 10 and call a friend to visit him LOL so much for that plan eh? hey at least i have a legitimate excuse, i passed out. me and Linda got lost yesterday trying to find a good club. LOL that's hilarious, with my bad memory and Linda's sense of direction, or lack there of, we wasted a full gallon of Gas trying to find out way around. funny thing is, we drove in circles for hours. next time i'm swallowing my pride and bring a map hehe. I think i need to move to the farm somewhere and start raising pigs. at least i'd be routinely bored instead of dying here in my own room. yeeesh. so i like this new hairstyle of mine. platinum blonde. i must say i look very nice in it. i'm not egotistical at all, just merely stating a fact hehe. i kid i kid. alot of folks seem to dig it so it's cool, i've never really bleached it b4, just dyed. i'll get a pic soon. Day 106 11/15/02 - OMG payday, yay! Jumps for joy. now let's see where i can spend it at LOL. I'm taking Linda out tomorrow so that should be fun. It's already november, i have no clue what the hell i've been doing with myself. my birthday is comming up, *sigh* one last year before i'm no longer a teen. and that's when it's gunna go downhill, DEATH awaits me LOL just joshing folks. I'm visited my 3 best friends today so i'm feeling better. urge to kill decreasing. hehe. I just wish i didnt have to work tomorrow. anywho, i need to work more is my problem, i've been trying to find a sunday job. and still no luck. that's our resolution (linda and I) we're trying to start going to the Gym and both of us are gunna try and work on sundays. hmmm who needs babysitters? but were were seriously looking at selling cel phones. hopefully we can get some free credits as employees. cause the job at the bank aint giving me any free shit. free accounts. BIG DEAL. Day 105 11/13/02 - I went to Cirque Du Soleil last night WOW what a show. and there i was wearing flip flops with jacked up hair (yes God forbid eh?) in a sea of folks who dressed nicely. altho there was no blood and gore i liked it nonetheless. the chick who sung in it OMG. she can SO be a gay diva hehe. I'm waiting for her gay remixes to come out so i can download em. and the boys who performed in it. hubba hubba. excuse me i gotta go get a towel to wipe my drool off. =P I'm sitting here listening to Desire by ultra nate and suddenly i feel depressed. stupid Shawn. we didnt even have breakup sex. oh i kid i kid. in all honesty i feel torn. it's like a part of me just wants to forget it all. fuck it. change of subject. i cant even go eat sushi. damnit all to hell. at least i get paid in 2 days. woohoo. okay i gotta start studying for my test tomorrie. hmm nevermind screw it. ill just go nap. god DO i need some beauty sleep. Day 104 11/11/02 - Veteran's day *shrieks* school tomorrow, oh the horror of it all. why cant we have more days dedicated to the Veterans. i mean we need at least a week to honor them right? LOL or 2 weeks wouldnt hurt. my mind is wandering again. I bought this cool new bracelet (yes, it's a gay thing) for 30 buck and it's all scratched. kenneth cole too. I'm pissed. I cant believe how lazy i am. no no actually i do. i cant believe the rain stopped. this whole crappy sunny weather is pissing me off. especially my allergies. i have this weird thing that when i stare directly into BRIGHT sunlight or a glare, i start to sneeze and my eyes water. and no it has nothing to do with drugs. I'm a good boy, i dont do drugs often okay moving on. i'm ACTUALLY gunna go down to san hosay this friday to meet my best friends. i miss em. howzabout i tell them i'm a fag then and there. you know that line. "I like dick, i like to suck dick, and i'm good at it." LOL -Queer as folk. Day 103 11/9/02 - Ever had the feeling youre being stalked? now i'm not a very good looking guy mind you but i just get that feeling sometimes. where that one person you dont wanna talk to just KNOWS exactly what youre doing and where you are. where's my nightstick? hehe had to work all day today. *weeps* i dont like rich, old, snobby folks. they hurt my fragile psyche LOL no no nevermind hehe. they're just stupid. or maybe I'm jealous, either way i dont like em. anywho hehe I'm glad i'm rebuilding my circle of friends again. I'm gunna have to get them both sloppy drunk someday. next weekend sounds fun hehe. Okay i think i'll take a short nap then get ready to go out. it IS saturday lol. (Sometime later in the day) =) okay i went out just to wait for Mike by the corner of Castro and 18th. i had the dirtiest looks from some folks. i guess they thought i was somekind of hooker or drug dealer. lol that's hilarious if you come to think of it. Day 102 11/7/02 - I went to Faith today, GOD it was Dead. i guess fags ARE afraid of water. i guess gay guys do melt LOL. but at least i met someone nice. he's my age too. so that's not bad. a good fruit (no pun intended) in the middle of a bad field. the drag show was fun tho. wish i had some drag queen friends. that'll totally make my day hehe. Mikey hasnt been paying his phone bills again, and i cant reach the bastard. and he doesnt have a phone from where he lives. thing is i forgot where he's staying too so i have to go out alone this weekend. poor guy he's running low on money like me. I know how that feels like. horrid horrid feeling. i have a bunch of tests comming up next week. well at least i have veterans day off from both schools and work. woohoo. i wouldnt have to deal with idiot customers for a day lol. okay it's getting late and i gotta go to bed. i'm starved by the way. nothing but eggs in the fridge. and no one to cook for me. *sigh* Day 101 11/5/02 - I've been REALLY lazy lately and i mean LAZY, more so than usual. I spent the whole weekend slothing around. I didnt even go down to San Jose to see my 3 best friends. I dunno i know it aint depression cause i've been feeling really uppity. screw what's his face hehe. *sigh* infatuation sucks. i dont know really, it's MORE than that. i honestly dont know what happened. love hurts. I wish i didnt have such fatal attractions to people who are jerks. I hate school days. cant hardly go out. then again i hate work days to. so i decided to to put up that Halloween pic of me and my roomate. hehe it's much too gruesome to have on the net. i'll think about it tho. one thing for shure i make hell of an ugly chick. think Martha Stewart without all the ghastly make-up she puts on. i realized i spend too much time in doors. i need to take a trip somewhere. Seattle or West hollywood this december i think. Day 100 11/3/02 - Wow spent close to 100 bucks today only Brad's birthday party. *shrieks* his birthday is tomorrow. poor guy too bad i cant throw him a big party. he's such a good brother and so nice to my sister. we ate a bunch of food but none of it was good. it was a place called Ansinthe. GROSS. i thought the lamb was going to be good but it tasted like crap, i thought it was Lamb rack but it was like lamd shank or sumthing, really soft, no fat and not chewey BLAH. stupid stupid restaurant. the waiter was cute tho so that made up for it a little bit LOL. altho he was an unattentive little snot. and the tip was included with the meal. *cries* i wasnt about to give a 20 dollar tip damnit hehe. i'm cheap dangit. was thinking somewhere around 10 dollars lol. did i menstion i need a job? who needs a barboy or a houseboy? hell i'll take being a poolboy anyday lol. god knows how much i love getting wet. okay i'm a bit drunk. bed time. kinda tired. |
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| Day 99 11/1/02 - Oh how the days go by. I took Linda out to the Cafe and Badlands tonight. i think she and Mikey got along real well. i tend to get along with drunk folks lol. she had fun so that was good. to get away from her problems. *sigh* we all got it dont we? life stinks. so here i am watching Courage the dog. hehe no more porn to watch shucks. just joshing. i've been wanting to go take a short vacation but never had the time or money. if only i had a "sponsor" lol oops did i say that out loud? =P . i still have work tomorrow. gee, wonder if i can call in sick yet? i mean a hangover IS a sickness right? please tell me it is. anywho, i've been meaning to look for a Sunday job. maybe as a waiter or something. earn sum extra cash. i'm running out eek. what's an alcoholic to do. i was thinking of somewhere near the castro but i dont want to be seen there too often. and i dont know if any place is hiring. drunken fags are rude dontcha know. Day 98 10/31/02 - HALLOWEEN WOOHOO. finally. time for the freaks to come out and play lol. erm nevermind, it's castro. =) was thinking of dressing up in drags today but my damn friends wimped out on me. so much for that, wasted 50 bucks on a dress and wig fer nothing. i did take a picture tho lol. i'll post a pic up once it comes out. so I was supposed to hang out with my fag hag friend Linda today lol just kidding. she's a fruit fly. correction. i kinda passed out on her, she came all the way to Castro only to have come back home. poor thing, too much fags for her blood. i spent the night with a friend Brian, was talking to him online for a few weeks. a bit full of himself but lol reminds me of myself. Mikey's been living in a dump lately poor guy. i told him not to date FOBs but he wont listen lol. we're in the same situation right now, no BF and no money hehe that's y we click so well. but i must say about his friend Derek. w00f hehe. ahemm. *cough* Day 97 10/29/02 - So i decided to take today off lol. erm impromptu vacation due to laziness mind you. too bad i still have to work. evil evil work. I'm signing off, I'm just so sleepy right now i think i'll go pass out. just drowsy it's all. ciaoskie all. maybe take a short nap then i'll continue on this journal when i wake in like 3 hours. i know i know, 3 hours is short to me. okay, that sucks. kept on having phone calls. damn friends wont let me sleep. buncha bitches. I want to go to san jose so bad to see my friends this weekend but i dont have any money for a train ticket. yepp have to wait til halloween before i even get money in the bank, *sigh* so guess guess what folks hehe. I'm dressing in drags this Halloweens, since my friends wanted to do it too, so i thought what the heck. might be fun to try something just once. I know i'll make an ugly chick but you cant beat originality any but dress up like bad plastic surgeoned transexuals. and it'll be a riot!!! Day 96 10/27/02 - So, can anyone tell me the fine lines between infatuation and love? lust? attachment? I dont care really. I just want someone there. i know i have my best friends but i want romantic love too, i'm just sick and tired of seeing people. it's either a case of they're not who they seem to be or they're just plain annoying. I'm trying to find a happy medium and yet there arent any. the more reason y i MUST move to the country and be an adopted redneck hick. then i'd only about feeding the cows. no relationships or lack-there of means no worries. what can i say. morbid outlook to life but it shure beats waiting for Mr. Right to come around when i dont even believe there is such a guy. Christ. I'm ranting again. Sundays, i hate sundays. maybe i should really start going back to church. hey once a Catholic always a catholic eh? at least i can say i have something to do on sundays. lol. no clubs are opened. that's the truth actually. Day 95 10/25/02 - I am SO BROKE it's not even funny. I was scavenging my room for coins earlier. and guess what? I found snot for change. just shows how cheap i am hehe. it's like i've been telling everybody, i need to take up prostitution. I'm so bored outta my mind. my *ahemm* bag is almost all depleted. i need to quitt lol. so here i am watching a cheesy movie. i think i should take up something interesting like join a cult or something. maybe another Heaven's gate club hehe, at least my life would be way more exciting than it is right now. i just paid my phone bill online and the damn thing didnt go through yet, i'm pissed, if i get a late fee i'm gunna go kick t-mobile's ass. easy pay option. blah. so i've been thinking about applying for a credit card *sniff sniff* i have no credit so they wont let me have one. stupid bank, why am i even working for them? *insert gratuitous plug here* i need a sunday job for more money hehe. any takers? Day 94 10/23/02 - So we're having this party at our house on saturday. pre-Halloween typa thing. If you get a score of more than 7 from me Dave and Jon you can come, more than once. hehe. i kid i kid. What's more sappier than a love story where there's a happy ending? someone who wishes he had one. *insert bitching and moaning here* =) my laundry is piling up again, i need a houseboy damnit lol. the feeling of having is nice eh? Bad nathan! hehe. just joshing maybe. what's there to do on a wednesday? *sigh* nothing. i could start studying. *shivers* nevermind hehe. bad idea, and i cant drink on a Wednesday lol dont want to develope alcoholism just yet. maybe in a year or two, when my wife and kids' left me along w/half of my income. no wait nevermind LOL. i wish it was the weekends right now, work and school sucks you have NO idea. i need to go join a gym and start acting like a normal gay boy. Day 93 10/21/02 - I'm sitting here and i'm listening to Forever by Tina Cousins, and suddently i'm depressed. yeah yeah i know, what else is new right? It sucks (and not in a good way) that whenever you meet someone u REALLY like there's a string attached, they either have homicidal tendencies or live hundreds of miles away. hehe the latter happen too often and i'm just getting sick of it. I just want someone i can spend a lifetime with, no matter what may come. that's more difficult than anything i've set my heart after. and if u ask me i'm quite greedy, figuratively speaking of course. fast forward to Until The Day. I dont like waiting, i'm impatient. and that impatience makes me irrational. and once again i'm waiting by myself, depression makes me feels like i'm being abandoned. in turn i try to get away from people. I'm going crazy. and more than usual. it's a madness from within, i want and angst free life damnit.. Day 92 10/19/02 - So what's my cut off age again? hehe someone tell me! so do i wanna be the guy that dates older guys or the pedophile in training? I'm easily attracted to people. all they have to have is a cute face and a good heart. or was it a good face and a cute heart? lol why is it that all of the nice guys out there are either married, has a boyfriend, or is a major slut? or has a married boyfriend who is a slut and has children of his own? *sigh* damn relationships who needs it? no not me no siree. seriously who needs 1? hehe all i need is my left hand and lots and lots of lube lol i kid i kid. but it's sad when your hand falls asleep on u sometimes So my and my room mates are thinking about being those nuns for halloweens, y'know the drag queen ones that scare people for a worthy cause. my friend Mikey used to be a drag queen in his old home town of hickville er i mean Ohio lol. maybe i can drag him out with me. imagine the chaos one can cause =). Day 91 10/17/02 - *cries* I dont like school. it's evil i tell you evil. so i hung out with my friend Mikey today fun night. altho i wish i didnt have to worry about being late to work the next day hehe. I would NOT want to get on my manager's cunty side. you know how bitchy big fat women can get. bless their fat heart. Okay here comes the ranting part hehe, god forbid i would go on a day without whining =P. Did i mention i'm giving up on men and going celibate? hehe think i have the conviction to do it? doubt it but hey it's the thought that counts. right right? So I've been trying to make up a good background for my page but i'm stumped. something for my mood hehe. say what's a color for I'm bitter and want nothing to do with jerks? @#$@. I'm still not over jerks. they're everywhere. not really assholes but flakes. like everyone else. well it's is san fran so i gotta factor that in. i feel like going out tomorrow night but my friends are working =( sleep i guess. Day 90 10/15/02 - Dear diary hehe, oh thank the lord for paychecks. i work like a chinese sweat shop underage work and i'm getting squat for pay. I need a new job tho, not enough money to support my 2 wives and 10 kids. =) maybe i should cut down on going out? hmmm lemme rethink that NAW. I need a boyfriend, did i mention that? hehe taking applications now. in all honesty, guys are such flakes, why cant everyone be like me? then the world would be perfect lol. I'm craving for some sushi right now it's not even funny. a straight man burden to always chase after something smelly lol just joshing. I cant believe how fast the weeks are flying, next time i look why, i'll be 25 eeek. i guess i'll be dating 18 year olds then? hehe it's really weird, most of my friends are that age, it's not a conscious thing mind you. besides my 3 best friends, it's hard to find interesting teens, no offense. that's y there needs to be more folks like me hehe. Day 89 10/13/02 - Yesterday was fun fun fun hehe. altho i feel a bit bad. left my sister to go to Orgy by herself. where did I go? u ask? well there's this girl, she was being mugged in an ally and me being the heroic and brave guy that i am, i jumped in and saved her. end of story. LOL dont believe me? hehe that was hard for me to swallow too (no pun intended) okay fine, i spent the night at someone's house. someone i really liked tho. so it was worth it. The whole i'm attracted to 25 year olds is getting old. i mean i dont intentionally do it. it's just that most of my close friends are that age and the people i date are that age. is it that i am subconsciously looking for it? no. i'd rather have someone my own age. but personality counts and initial encounter is what i look for. and quite frankly i dont think there are any 19 year olds running around at bars lol. besides me that is. anyone know of a good 18 and over club besides Trash? i mean Faith. |